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On Christmas Eve I’m going to dress up as an elf, post a selfie captioned ELFIE then just sit the fuck back and watch the likes roll in.
If you've been affected by any of the issues on Twitter today, look up from your phone or go outside.
That's Tom Daley off James Arthur's Christmas card list
Let's play a drinking game! Every time you want to, take a drink.
Did I say Goodnight yet? No? Ok. Well
Look at the stars. Enjoy them. Be nice to one another and dream of mermaids. Goodnight twitter. X
Magic Vagina Dust:.:;.:';.';:'.
We're watching a murder documentary. The police are hunting for a guy called Shorty. Harsh to arrest him though. It's probably his birthday.
A lot of excitement about what I believe to be the return of Bagpuss in my timeline.
I get all misty-eyed when I think about old grit and dirt being compressed to form solid rock. I'm just so sedimental.
Just looked at a Twitter profile.
Oh, now THAT cunt has unfollowed me too.
It was my profile.
James Arthur looks like an owl in fancy dress as Deirdre Barlow.