I was out when Twitter went down! Are you all okay?!

Apples are just tree periods.

I am going to store all my anger on Twitter.

Unfollowed for having nothing to say. Now I know how those celebrities I used to follow feel.

My today was somewhere between Flowers for Algernon and self-immolation.

Mum called- 'What did you do this weekend?
Me: I got six new followers....
Mum:....
Me *pleased face*..

Went for a run and a lone fly kept buzzing ‘round my head. That was my first sign that I wasn’t running very fast.

Fat raindrops stirring up the warm dust from the street. That’s the smell of summer right there.

Why is ‘I just don’t want to’ not deemed a valid reason anymore?

If I had the gumption to do anything extremely it would be extreme couponing.

People watching is all well and good until you see something you can't unsee

Cupcake ladies are the new Cat ladies.

Listening to Barber of Seville. I have Bugs Bunny to thank for my taste in classical music.

*pats twitter on the ass*

I don’t hate children, I just hate your children.

Okay it’s nearly 6pm. Time to get up.

My calming herbal tea is A FUCKING LIAR!

I will definately shower tomorrow. Starting to smell like my granny. She’s been dead for a while.

Ladies, gentle reminder: If you insist on wearing sandals at least make sure you don’t have hobbit feet.

This Scottish summer looks an awful lot like our Scottish winter only with leaves on the trees.