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Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my leg.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.
Wow have I really stayed up past my timeline?!
True fact: my Ob/gyn said the best lube is Olive Oil from the kitchen NOT to be used with condoms kiddos. Wow. Extra Virgin??
So if we are what we eat then I need to eat a skinny model.
I learned in microbiology Halitosis bacteria produce smells in your mouth identical to feces, decaying corpses, rotting meat, & stinky feet
"Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you"
- Zombie love song
These pimples make me look younger right? RIGHT?!
I have PMS. I want some damn cheese. And popcorn. And pickles. Cheese!
One thing the boyfriend and I definitely agree on: Angelina Jolie looks like skeletor.
If men weren't so simple women wouldn't have to be so complicated.
Madonna looks like Skeletor
Whew some people need to get a life and stop cussing others out on twitter. Your self esteem issues are really showing!
The doughnuts I just had were better than sex. I think.
38yr old stalker woman in my class had signed my name on class roll for me when it got to my table. Out of control creepy
I'm pretty sure I just saw a man with a third nipple. That or it was the largest skin tag I've ever seen.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce? Nothing cause somebody is losing a trailer! Bahahaha
I'm getting really good at these 10 minute "second winds" in between my micro naps.
I just accidentally ate the fortune in my fortune cookie. "Experience comes from mistakes"
The 12yo asked me today if my personality is messy like my car. Whomp whomp
Sugar Magnolia born in the land of cotton. Pisces. Educated Liberal. Sensitive soul. Currently in Medical Lab Tech program to work in crime lab. Cat whisperer.