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Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that's scared of commitment
Single Girl Valentines Day Simulator:
1. Dress nicely
2. Buy flowers
3. Light candles
4. Knock candle over so firemen have to come save you
date a tall guy to ensure he always sees you from the perfect selfie angle
Don't be too fun or he'll think you want him but don't be no fun or he'll think you're a bitch basically don't leave your house
more hand holding, less phone holding
WAKE THE FUCK UP CANADA. IT'S GO TIME.
I wish Boxing Day meant you could punch people without getting arrested
Do sloppy seconds taste the same as sloppy joes? Asking for a friend
I love that mobile twitter automatically shows how many RTS and favs I get on each tweet so I can always know just how unfunny I actually am
Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that thinks every girl wants him
Man do I love all those Facebook videos that include photos w your exes, ppl who have unfriended you, and that status about winter from 2007
if you have to ask yourself if you should text him, the answer is yes because it's a fucking text and not a marriage proposal. Idiots.
I make cakes, then you eat them. One day I'll be in @peoplemag making cakes for celebrities. Til then, #runadaytilmay. IG: loveyourcake