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Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that's scared of commitment
Single Girl Valentines Day Simulator:
1. Dress nicely
2. Buy flowers
3. Light candles
4. Knock candle over so firemen have to come save you
date a tall guy to ensure he always sees you from the perfect selfie angle
Don't be too fun or he'll think you want him but don't be no fun or he'll think you're a bitch basically don't leave your house
more hand holding, less phone holding
WAKE THE FUCK UP CANADA. IT'S GO TIME.
To the guy buying the cheapest clearance condoms at shoppers: happy Father's Day
I wish Boxing Day meant you could punch people without getting arrested
I forgot to bring my own bags to the grocery store so now I have to move out of Vancouver and change my name
Do sloppy seconds taste the same as sloppy joes? Asking for a friend
I love that mobile twitter automatically shows how many RTS and favs I get on each tweet so I can always know just how unfunny I actually am
"You literally can't have an opinion anymore." -internet users
Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that thinks every girl wants him
I make cakes, then people eat them. Wants to live under the sea. Emily Carr student. Bike rider. Mt Pleasant. Excessively happy, mostly sarcastic. Nibs.