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She's not old enough to be a cunt yet. Cuntlet?
"The proof is in the pudding" is why you don't let confectionary makers investigate crimes.
When a guest is peeing in our bathroom off the living room, I try2make noise so he doesn't think we r listening 2 him wee. But we totally r
Cobb salad and sex tonight. Calling it a game of cobbs and rubbers.
Self loathing doesn't describe me anymore, but mentally rolling my eyes at my humor causes some headaches.
Fuck all entertainment genres that contain vampires. Bring back ghosts. Yes...even Casper & Boo-Berry.
Exactly how jolly are ranchers anyway? #HappyFarmerCandy
I just tried turning over a new leaf. I found some dirt, but nothing else. I don't understand metaphors.
Guy next to me has a huge octopus tattoo. His wife remembers him pre-octopied.
Please don't refer to yourself as a another "working stiff". Viagra is NOT appropriate at work, boner boy.
Maybe waking up & drinking rum & smoking pot all day isn't the best method of personal revelation...but fuck it.
The guy that plows our driveway would not plow my mom for a discount off our services. There is just snow talking to some people...
It's weird that "family restaurants" don't serve booze. I've encountered kids & just thinking about that makes me want to drink.
Trying to tune into a n "adult content" station and getting Disney is the best example of the master-bait & switch.
I think that the phrase "Can I get you another beer" has caused more men to fall in love with waitresses than anything else a woman can say.
Wouldn't it be nice if positivity and smiles were like the "Give a penny, take a penny" tray next to the cash register?
Failed anti-marijuana campaign slogan: "When your friends offer you puff puff? You say "Pass!"
I may make u laugh, but I'd prefer u laugh willingly. 311 forever. Love & kindness r the path 2 peace & joy. Dick jokes forever. I'm complicated...duh.