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"The proof is in the pudding" is why you don't let confectionary makers investigate crimes.
When a guest is peeing in our bathroom off the living room, I try2make noise so he doesn't think we r listening 2 him wee. But we totally r
Self loathing doesn't describe me anymore, but mentally rolling my eyes at my humor causes some headaches.
Fuck all entertainment genres that contain vampires. Bring back ghosts. Yes...even Casper & Boo-Berry.
I just tried turning over a new leaf. I found some dirt, but nothing else. I don't understand metaphors.
Guy next to me has a huge octopus tattoo. His wife remembers him pre-octopied.
Please don't refer to yourself as a another "working stiff". Viagra is NOT appropriate at work, boner boy.
@foxy311 Thank u sweet lady! Love the new avatar pic BTW. Very pretty. Ur eyes glow and so does ur smile. Wait...2 nice...um...bitch!
Maybe waking up & drinking rum & smoking pot all day isn't the best method of personal revelation...but fuck it.
The guy that plows our driveway would not plow my mom for a discount off our services. There is just snow talking to some people...
It's weird that "family restaurants" don't serve booze. I've encountered kids & just thinking about that makes me want to drink.
@smirkykev Golly, is it too much for a guy to appreciate both? My tits, I mean. Funny is too hard.
Trying to tune into a n "adult content" station and getting Disney is the best example of the master-bait & switch.
I think that the phrase "Can I get you another beer" has caused more men to fall in love with waitresses than anything else a woman can say.
#FF More 311 friends/cult members: @d1rtydan @db3rdand11 @drjohnson311 @ebb_andflow @jetman311 @drjohnson311 @heat_311 @johnr311 @jsnell311
Wouldn't it be nice if positivity and smiles were like the "Give a penny, take a penny" tray next to the cash register?
Failed anti-marijuana campaign slogan: "When your friends offer you puff puff? You say "Pass!"
I may make u laugh, but I'd prefer u laugh willingly. 311 forever. Love & kindness r the path 2 peace & joy. Dick jokes forever. I'm complicated...duh.
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