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S.O.C.I.E.T.Y. [step outside, check internet every ten yards]
i can't stand fake boobs. *plucks ripe boob from tree* ahh yes, free-range boobs. *peels boob* just like nature intended.
damn son are you a high school math teacher? cuz you're pretty good at failing people
"who running the rap game right now?!" i shout at my coworkers. "it's using up all the resources on the web server and i'm trying to work"
THE ACT OF TWEETING ABOUT YOUR DEPRESSION OVER AND OVER IM NOW CALLING SAD NAUSEAM
i'm a nice dude, with some Nice Tweets™ / see these ice cubes, see these Nice Tweets™?
siri what causes headaches and joint pains?
"African Sleeping Sickness"
oh no siri whats the cure
"The Cure are an English rock band formed
roses are black / violets are black / ＬＩＧＨＴ ＤＯＥＳ ＮＯＴ ＥＸＩＳＴ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＡＢＹＳＳ
i don't suffer from depression. i actually enjoy it from time to time.
screenplay: kanye plays chauffeur to an older widowed beyonce in an ensemble cast remake i call "driving miss jay-z"
sorry ive been tweeting so much. if i dont hit Tweet every 108 minutes, the smoke monster escด้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้้้้็็็็็้้้้้็็็pes
Will Smith turned down the lead role in Django, you say? Wouldn't that make him... *puts on 8 pairs of shades, rap airhorns* WONT SMITH
it's ironic, i had the gin, i had the tonic, i'm drunk alone playing sonic
*tries to come up with joke that has "unicorn on the cob" as punchline, fails terribly*
the new earthquake gets 6.1 on pitchfork scale. ryan dombal calls it "a tepid, fragmented effort," notes "but not as bad as iggy azalea"
bagels are just grumpy doughnuts
if i had a dollar for every time i flirted successfully, i'd be in debt
damn girl was your dad wikipedia? cuz i could look at you all day but you keep begging me for money
*punches a dildo*
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