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  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Contrary to popular belief, working with a sociopath does not mean you get doughnuts brought to you in the morning. Dexter lies to you.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    KristenLee_Reese36321632AferVR___aimelletmbecenaAmandaRose422R_Goodwyn__monkeylibrium
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    bombtoririgatonimonsterDanimehraasperryPollyWatsonLIL_CUCHILLOAlexBachiufavstar_pop
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj- now there's a tour plane no one would care about if it crashed.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    DRAINxYOUmaybe2xOShaunsElevenClassy_Cassy89____Springaling85Keepin_It_WeirdJimiMack7TommyKarate______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    yoadriannee______OShaunsElevenSpringaling85TommyKarate______Professor_RyanMattman34
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    I put my xmen uniform on just like everyone else- one leg at a time.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    heykarlinJakeDuarte43JErikMadiganbitchkrieg________IrishTim74tweeterjakJDotCommaPulse_NYC
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    BYontsDvL305bitchkrieg________Pulse_NYC
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Funny new trend at the office. People are putting names on food in the break room fridge. Today I had a fruit salad named Sam.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    sheldomanzoofstercmakandchezJediGesserit
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    bjfcatsheldomanJasonsFace80prerisoftShotupSpeako______
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    License plate cover I saw this morning: "My other ride is your daughter"

    • 6
    • FAVS
    TommyKarate______beskrajanFucking_Randy____LostAnvillalastrailerCmart1970
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    lalastrailerCmart1970
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    If I'm nodding while you are talking I'm not listening, I'm actually thinking about more important things like my instant queue on netflix.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    MissAnonymodKid_A____________LostAnvilMattman34Cmart1970
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    LostAnvilCmart1970
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    I think I left my motivation back in the bedroom.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    NicestHippoLostAnvildafreshest13
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    dafreshest13MErad11
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    I come up with the best tweets at night, and forget them by the time I wake up.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Tishakudk________Marloqprif________Mattman34osno13__Cmart1970
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    I hate seeing people running at work, it makes them look like they stole something and I have to quickly inventory my office supplies.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    lingziemskimela__Nikitahckv________Paulinantsd__PanelExtenders
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    aquarius_son
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    When people put pics of their vacation on FB, I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house,but I'm sure you already know.Have a great time!

    • 2
    • FAVS
    Mattman34Pulse_NYC
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    AsandJaysFan19__RoroReikerPulse_NYC
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    I always thought the tramp stamp with three stars meant you were a porn star but I just found out she's an angry birds star.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    TwerkingToddler__zoofster
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    TwerkingToddler__ShotupSpeako______zoofster
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    You're doing a lot of talking when you should be doing a lot more shutting the fuck up.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Davegregory3WithASworddarquedPabloGSerski
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ShotupSpeako______
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Come on LAYS, really? Spicy catchup... You are really ruining your street cred.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    LostAnvilImjackintheboxTHEPokerWifeTommyKarate______
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TommyKarate______
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Yelling your joke doesn't magically make it funny.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    MissAnonymodmarkrijans________LostAnvilbeskrajan
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    LostAnvil
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Finding Dory?! Fuck yeah, count me in!

    • 3
    • FAVS
    DaveTheAlbinovikkaronihoops_Daddy
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    hoops_Daddy
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    When life gives me lemons I'm just going to slice them up into wedges and put them in vodka tonics.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    MrCMartzoofster
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    MrCMartzoofster
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Went for a run but came back after two minutes because I forgot something.... That I'm out of shape and can't run more than two minutes.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    Mattman34zoofsterCubicalRon
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Mattman34
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    "So that pervert buys you "Grass" and then you let him play with your nipples?" -Me telling Cows its not to late to change their life.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    AsandJaysFan19__ltlmsprisMattman34
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    zoofster
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.

    • 1
    • FAV
    zoofster
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    bluemorbozoofsterShotupSpeako______
  • ltlmspris
      ltlmspris @ltlmspris

    Guy in front of me buying condoms got his card declined. He just got cock blocked by visa.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    CatLeighClarkMattman34sheldoman
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    AsandJaysFan19__
@ltlmspris

@ltlmspris

I am fluent in sarcasm. If I made $1Mil a year I would make it a habit to buy everything I see in sky mall. I'm also on tumblr: badwolfinthemindpalace.tumblr