You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.

I'm not sure if I believe in love.


But I definitely do believe in Vodka.

No matter what emotion I'm going through, there's always an 80's rock ballad to support it.

If you're that closed minded that you only have a certain circle you associate with, you're just a hamster on a wheel that goes nowhere

Of all my vices, my absolute favorite is all of them

The only mental illness that scares me is sanity

Waking up without a man beside you is like waking up without 99 problems.

Insatiable is one of my favorite qualities in a woman

The ideal woman is one who can plausibly feign interest.

In a perfect world, daily BJ’s would give women the body they’ve always wanted.

No, I'm not 'pussy whipped'. Maybe, 'vaginally inclined to make her day easier' could be implied but no, not the other one.