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I want to be baked into a loaf of bread & eat my way out. That is my dream.
"Duh, they are obviously twins. One likes to build and the other is smart." - Matty's views on the property brothers.
The breeze that's happening in NYC right now is exactly how I assume it would feel to have Hagrid fart directly on your face.
If you sit next to me on a bus when there are other seats available don't act outraged when I slowly push you off the seat & into the aisle.
Facebook won't let me change my name to Apollo.
Cool Kid Tip #1: Wave to cars being driven by people you think you know but absolutely don't. It leaves everyone feeling nice and awkward.
Lately I've had no control over how frequently I use the "sarcastic thumbs-up". It's like my thumb has a super hysterical mind of its own.
In other news: a strange man just drove by me slowly while yelling out the window "You're an asshole. You're an ass...hole."
Sneezed but I have my headphones in & couldn't hear if I got blessed. Said thank you anyway just in case. Kinda weird in retrospect.
The top five things crucial to my survival right now are as follows (listed in order of importance):
"What To Do When Your Boss Catches You Taking a Selfie & Other Tips for the Modern Working Woman" - title of my new book.
I'm no hero, I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else. - t.b.
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