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  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    Florida is basically a Stephen King novel. 

    • 50
    • FAVS
    MacKooliogoodtimenoelSarcasmo718asteriosrayasaysjedfudallypapatapoopiNickadoo
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsCockLiquorisaksen76StacySKLcolebizzycfNatyPedroSEkmanMetsalaDosa______
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    Nothing says "I don't know anything about your life anymore" like sending a family member a Hickory Farms Gift Basket for Christmas.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    Ahm76Nickadoogaysayerfunbobby057NastinchkacontrapantsNomdeBRusty_Jordan__
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    jhawkgiffNCThomtwitiocyfavstar_popwelolawantsTallMikeSmithaliceinkedMrEAnders
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    At this moment I'm hella on drugs and working at the cheesecake factory. There are more like me out there. Help us.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    goodtimenoelWhiteMalejedfudallyNickadooasteriosPJBUDDERSpHungShwayOhDuarte
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    JLAwesomeBrotherwagsObscurusFiotheHapacalypsedannyhomLadyGoatNugget____TotallyAllenTesstifyBarker
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    They said they'd all been best friends since high school, but then they asked me for seven separate checks and I knew the truth.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    igorgustavMissLoreleiLeeAshleyHammmbigbadbuttchasinggcrumbsbizarrequotesThomas_LullKristenDanielle
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    MissLoreleiLeeLuke76139748__Thomas_LullruizzoeGreeBryMayorMudkipHCT_comedyBigHern
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    I'm fucking terrified of Virginia Woolf. 

    • 30
    • FAVS
    soleilalaplageasteriosNickFerrucci______elliemceLittleLillyBuglinturnstylesp0ondBabsGray
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    NickFerrucci______jagan520BabsGrayHomefry13thedenialanniebrocZigs26BloomRadio________
    WhiteMale
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    Car who just saw me smoking a joint in my all white cheesecake factory uniform at 3rd/fairfax: honk of solidarity, or are you mocking me?

    • 24
    • FAVS
    goodtimenoelasteriosNickadooPJBUDDERSpHungShwaySo_Rowdythebeavsmeganshpettit
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popTotallyAllenchefdirtydcoledickem_dasherSeanBradlyBoColdBlooded____ShutUpAndrosky
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    clap your hands say meh

    • 18
    • FAVS
    jedfudallyWhiteMaleChristal_LHiK_Byeskinny_vtake1xtie1xdayklymentiathatUPSdude
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    hanniespiceChristal_Lfavstar_poptake1xtie1xdayfree_shrugs_vaggieburger______ChemBtwnUs________quintywinties
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    My Lyft driver just admitted to being in a loveless marriage and then quickly moved on to the next topic. I'll give him 5 stars.

    • 62
    • FAVS
    andreawkelleyrobbiegoodwingovenotgovPfeifferHeidiRealPrincessKimevepeyserdweezlyTrevorRatley
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Jams4LyfeRemyNOchaserrachelofflineNickWestComedyGB_theGreat1followernodadAvatar_unknown_48
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    Has somebody out there already gotten a full chest tattoo of a tuxedo t-shirt or do I have to do everything myself?

    • 27
    • FAVS
    Big_SwiftyNeelNandaAshleyHammmbriones_bitchesFakeDeanAccountDiyaMarketingclintgilmanicsocratic
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    manicsocraticThomas_LullimkiloCarolineisRADNickWestComedyandy_sellAvatar_unknown_48
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    What the Hulk doesn't seem to understand is that I don't like anyone when they're angry.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    bigbadbuttatanenhauswunder_briMeg9TimexxpopozaojspurgwolfsothernJonRowell
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    jspurgwolfsothernJJWrongking_dumMrDaveEhThomas_Lullahamedweinberg
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    About to eat at a Cheesecake Factory, because the world is someone else's oyster.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    MightyMonikay2knapppaigeweldonWhiteMaleseanblongNevetsPMRusty_Jordan__Leahysman
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    abagofsnailsvspacerockXtina_MillerProffesorVoldmanweldonGeorgeaBrooksJonRowell
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    LOVING all these zingers by people on Twitter who will never write, direct, produce or star in anything.

    • 20
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    AngelMCastillojayweingartenstvschndrcurvygirly8MajorFlake________poedavidARizzayScrambus
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    jayweingartengameroyehfa9pdlarspoedavidScrambusTheSofiyaWhiteMale
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    What doesn't kill you can still psychologically ruin you for the rest of your life.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    mikes_mikes______CelebrityCheznerdgirlcomedygoodtimenoeljedfudallyNickadooElSangitojessicasisco
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    electric678favstar_popTheRadPenguinSmiley_FacEsSnixskitsthebeavsmikul92
    nerdgirlcomedy
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    Guy on this bus that doesn't speak English is showing me a slideshow on his iPad of pictures from his trip to Hooters.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    jayweingartenAhm76goodtimenoelasteriosjedfudallypjlynchmelanierthomson__CornellReid
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    jayweingartengoodtimenoelMikeTheDevineMister_Ervscrirc____________SlatedForRepairbryancastaneda
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    I said "keep it going for yourselves," and the CROWD. WENT. WILD.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    cholemcgovernRobLovesBagelsKimKardashsToeThomas_LullTheWoodenslurpyHiK_Byesalinas_pedroNickWestComedy
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Thomas_Lullchill_trillTotallyAllenwunder_briBigHernAvatar_unknown_48
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    If the movie Clerks was made today, it would just be a guy who works at 7-11 talking to a Redbox kiosk.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    WhiteMaleBin4TheMindy2knappBigHernkathygarfieldJoshuaFlailKristenDanielledougdrieseljr
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    slippedbeastAdamJTestafailraiserjustinisntfunnyharrysaysshtickDavid_Kuehner
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    I hate how my voice sounds on tape, as well as everything else about myself.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    tryingtobeanonSarcasmo718JoshEanesNickadooElSangitoevemeriemvrivasssaldemaro
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    jedfudallysuzy_saintseeJane_tweetPoTeeTweetlolligansbryancastaneda
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    I'm not lactose intolerant, but it is really starting to piss me off.

    • 18
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    jedfudallyNickadooKevyHawkinsquintywintiesPJBUDDERSasteriosiamsaltlakeTheNardvark
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    taylorkfullerharrisonvcNKMaguyasteriosstvschndrABIGAILRULES
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    I'd give anything to hear Paul Mooney do a commentary track on Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.

    • 7
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    vinniesucksThomas_LullMitchMarchandYesThisIsRyanMatttAvilaHamptonyountJSchabl
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    MillimetrePeterReynaKatvinniesucksThomas_LullEdGreerDestroys
  • luhrsman
      Scott Luhrs @luhrsman

    The sun needs to chill the fuck out.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    CurtStockHiK_ByeWhiteMaleMissit420WubsidaisyCoreyNotKoribarvonblaq
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    dan99099JavierstwittWubsidaisyduhdabuddhabarvonblaq
@luhrsman

@luhrsman

For entertainment purposes only ;)

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