if you're in public and just yell, '5, 6, 7, 8!' everyone gets excited for a flash mob that never happens.

jerry dates a hip mom. elaine gets blocked by someone on twitter. kramer gets into dubstep. #updatedseinfeld

'i can't wait for the superbowl. i'm a huge tom brady fan.' -starving, one-armed child soldier in somalia.

what's the point of being a drummer if you're not gonna have a huge chest tattoo and take your shirt off at shows¿

totaly todily toadilly toe deli tow dheli

i was the first person in my family to go to college when college became meaningless and obsolete.

I am angry that society has marginalized people so that they feel that violence is the only available action.

i was an art history major in college, so i know one or two things about nothing.

putting together a black history month themed table at work  http://instagr.am/p/VAdJETkWDu/ 

the republican national convention is like the democratic national convention in that i don't care and nothing will be changed by anyone.

#YouOutYoDamnMindIf you've been committed to a mental institution.

please pay attention to me and leave me alone.

where is mitt romney's birth certificate?

dreamt i won the stanley cup and successfully repelled an attack from a castle. and my mom says i'm not doing anything productive.

bear my dick like it owes me honey #changedtwoletters

hey rich white girls on facebook, please stop complaining forever.

if you're happy and you know it, please observe the world you live in more carefully.

i just greeted someone with actual sincerity. it was a record breaking hi.

happy national cleavage day... http://t.co/NvJrBWI8

#revengeABC is trending right above #riptroydavis. another point for capitalism.