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My newest coworker talks out loud to herself. Obviously, she's not on twitter.
If you try to run down an old person to get to the check-out with your turkey first, you are NOT in the holiday spirit.
So... I've been home ten minutes and tweeted about bras and midgets. I <3 you guys.
That awkward moment when you drive into the building where you have a job interview.
That happened at my office this morning.
Looks like someone I follow committed twittercide. I hope I miss them.
If you put the women on Celebrity Apprentice in a time capsule, the future will think we were all made of plastic and constantly surprised.
I may or may not be watching a movie with Hulk Hogan in it because I can't find my remote. #lazy
Him: I wouldn't care if they called it Spam and B.J. day. #steakandbjday
HOLY SHIT IS SOMEONE GOING TO KILL THAT THING ON BRUNO MARS HEAD?!! #Grammys
OH: "Maybe its because he's my son on Facebook" As opposed to..? Omg. I can't stop eavesdropping now.
I'm #thankful my best friend doesn't mind that I'm coming over looking like a makeover "before" picture.
It's a thing, guys!
Beer And Bacon Battered Deep Fried Doritos - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nick-chipman/beer-bacon-doritos_b_2278006.html …
Cc: @candacearm @joannepistonfan @jennyablue
Him: My grandmother had a fig tree once. Me: I don’t really like plain figs. They have to be in the form of a Newton.
I'm probably eating french fries right now. Life is cool like that.