Observing birds in the park and realizing how apt "tweeting" is. "I'm here!" "Anyone out there?" "Got food!" "Shall we mate?"

It's been said before and bears repeating: Listen to any advice you're offered, but be selective about whose you take.

Facebook goes wild for a picture of gin & tonic, enjoys dating foibles, ignores music, makes no sense of prose, celebrates selfies.

FUCK YEAH MINNESOTA

"Jizz is making a cumback."

No, I didn't just mute the TV and play cool music to deceive the pizza guy. That would be ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous. Silly.

I just wrote and deleted no less than seven way too exuberant tweets, so just know I FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. Ok. Bye.

Appreciate your body while you have it. Dance in it, delight in it. Give it everything, everything.

We're all clear that Twitter is performance art, yeah?

Ok. Good. Glad we had this talk.

HUYT. Hot Until You Talk.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN THE NUMBER OF REMAINING POKEMON. (It's called 'I win, bitch.')

Making unfollow decisions based on the appearance of words like "husband," "marketer," "impactful," or "God" in your bio.

*acknowledges voice suggesting crabby tweeting is unbecoming*

Fuck everything.

*skates away on a river of regret*

I've got one hand in my pocket, the other one's fondling the taint of capitalism.

I have an idea. We'll need some pears, a kite, a bag of googly eyes, and a St. Bernard. Meet me at the booming ground.

There may be people in your life who you will make feel bad just by taking care of yourself. This is hard for all parties.

Ever feel like nothing more than a patchwork of all the people who have come in and out of your life?

Men: just because a woman likes sex, talks about sex, and has sex, does not mean she is less worthy of basic courtesy.

"HTML5 rocks. Imagine Motorhead playing Ace of Spades at Stonehenge on an asteroid. That's how much it rocks." #csforum12 #html5

At a bus stop near a hospital, a woman and child hold each other close.