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My nickname in school was Jean because my skin was 90% denim.
@m3ggiesue Melissa Martin - either her or she can connect you w/someone too - http://facesetcofmn.com/instructors/melissa-martin …
I have these awfully skewed standards of beauty. They involve minds. It's disgusting, really.
If you don't pop an ovary listening to Jack Johnson...
What's it like to be a robot?
DOES YOUR VAGINA DO YOUR TAXES EVERY SPRING?!
No, YOU just slapped a couple Icy/Hot patches on your butt and moaned so loud in pleasure your roommates thought you were rubbing one out.
I made an okcupid with the name pizzacrap420. now I wait.
Not sure why men with bad diets love asking girls to swallow. We both know your cum tastes like battery acid.
I get on stage and stand silently for a few minutes typing some tweets into my phone. The crowd goes wild. The sky opens and god hi-fives me
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I got a hip flask full of peppermint schnapps and a pocket full of candy canes that says you can't hurt me anymore.
Dear Twitter, I've just discovered that I've been using the word nonplussed incorrectly. If you need to unfollow, I understand completely.
I will not go to the grave with the song still in me.