Find some ants and train them to obey you, then climb a tree and hurl insults at passersby and dare them to challenge your army.

The pastor that will split Nairobi river like Moses for fleeing hawkers and drown the Kanjos after them will get my backdated tithe

The surest way to check out the temperature of the water before a baby takes a bath is with the tip of your penis.

A family that eats marijuana with ugali together, laughs together.

Theft case against Kabogo withdrawn after complainant failed to turn up. Hmmm I bet someone is nursing injuries to his balls somewhere.

Father Abraham had many sperms Many sperms had Father Abraham I am one of them and so are you nanana right arm, take your dick spit it OUT

That sound 'pa pa pa pa' RT @esther_muracia: wat can they do that we cant? RT @mlanguzi: I am only team momo when it comes to sex.

So today is the tomorrow everyone was whining about yesterday.

Retweeting your mentions is the new 'hey she texted me but I can't show you my phone so imma say it out loud, and you can suck on it.'

Have you ever felt so alone, that it hurts so bad that you want to cry but you instead masturbate like thrice. No? Then Fuck You!!

why do we need ID to get ID..if I had ID i'd need no ID

Tryna balance a coke bottle on my boner. You?

I could easily have shouted "HEY! I HAVE 1500 FOLLOWERS!" and the manager would've taken me directly to the counter, but did I?
Noooo.

Thank you for retweeting that lovely lady into my timeline, I'll take over from here. ~ Me, never. Bigwigs? every fucking day.

The closest I've come to starting a TT is when I bark at night and all village dogs follow suit.

What we'll be telling our kids, "see that guy crawling on all fours sniffing people's butts, he was an unfollower, don't be like him"

My KCSE results read D.E.E.E.E.E.A.D and that A was for C.R.E but here I am tweeting my way to hell.

Did Eve really need a hymen? Coz Adam had no competition unless..
The snake!!
That sneaky bastard.
Do you think he..
Did he?
Omg! he did.

Nimecheza snake xenzia hadi ikatoka na ikaishia

So you think because you've got curves and booty like a mac truck I'll follow you around all day? hehe I'll camp outside your window too.