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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,179
    • FAVS
    acycoemsykayLetsgetsinninggetyourownavicigarexecruraljulesUncleKermitAnAverageGiant
    • 593
    • RETWEETS
    acycochadpete42PinchSuckBlowgetyourownaviUncleKermitAnAverageGiantbuckweiser13JaniceLRead
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 747
    • FAVS
    acycoAnAverageGianttsm560rage_chaosMindVenombeskrajanednotsowiseDevinRange
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560josephsalazar68Rich_OMObeskrajansiddo471GSHOK9rankingTweetsLoriLuvsShoes
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1SassyMcMelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 718
    • FAVS
    acycogetyourownaviAnAverageGianttsm560shita3yosaysrage_chaosMindVenombeskrajan
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    acycogetyourownavitsm560shita3yosaysJRLynch1313natalie_jvbeskrajanWULFDEAN
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 580
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantspeknyctsm560sebthinksindigohuidozrage_chaosMorgan2383Monatalie_jv
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    holysmokes300tsm560Morgan2383Mobeskrajansherlock_erparupaajrutesperanzafruitbog
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 495
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGianttsm560SSparklesDailyrage_chaosMindVenombeskrajanLilWahineGidget1Happytwit
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    PankajK86tsm560Ironfist_SGbeskrajanWULFDEANMissGixxerLackOfShameLorelei_Blue
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 473
    • FAVS
    ruraljulesfriend_jen73TanningBoothTimAnAverageGiantRUFknKiddingMetsm560InsulinAddict12Lisaontheright
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    TanningBoothTimAnAverageGianttsm560JonathanRyrie1rutesperanzaLordAl3xand3rTmoney68GurrdyGirl
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 322
    • FAVS
    mattmccall82Talkinghands69tsm560candyisalsosourchicnlil1LackOfShameTmoney68qwertying
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560LackOfShamemajawardBlancaMQz_jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedSassyTexasGal
    JustStooJustinCase1957QuagSwaggered
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 303
    • FAVS
    TheaVanSyckeldonnasammyninja_raaawriamnotjoemamacigarindavegray787vganowSteveDutzy
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    TheaVanSyckelninja_raaawrcigarinIanTheligsterArunapk57livngdeadgrrlSharmaAarastusimrxnnn
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 299
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantEmmyloubellsAmuckerytsm560TankCesarCrazyForMoxleyLackOfShameTmoney68
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560hotmessmama76LackOfShamejmann8181__MuuMaaMustikkaRealJinjaNinjaMcGunnersitebreatheandlove
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 278
    • FAVS
    rage_chaosGreGooglyMooglyovereaseepossibilysscigarinruraljulesfriend_jen73sweetg35
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    chAinedDesiressiGreenMonkcigarinIanTheligsterfriend_jen73SharmaAarastusexycurious999not_prezjean
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassyMcMelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 302
    • FAVS
    ruraljulesfriend_jen73pkninjazarmyantstudiosJD_KCAnAverageGianti_R_BrixXtsm560
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    armyantstudiosAnAverageGianttsm560jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05SassyTexasGalThe_Ryan_Brown
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 266
    • FAVS
    ruraljulesAnAverageGiantHeatherblythe11tsm560Tmoney68sgtpd75jmann8181__RealJinjaNinja
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    friend_jen73AnAverageGianttsm560jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05technochtitlan_fillthevacuum
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 264
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGianttsm560parupaajTmoney68jmann8181__boobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05Dirty_Secrets69
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560parupaajjmann8181__Dirty_Secrets69TlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGalfillthevacuum
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 235
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantEmmyloubellsnikkid1207gill_jantsm560Tmoney68qwertyingjmann8181__
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    Emmyloubellstsm560jmann8181__TlaxBoy05sammyj_04fillthevacuumScarsFourEyesawordforaword
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    tsm560TlaxBoy05ateatrayhoops_DaddyRoughHandedTmoney68SSparklesDailyfrecklesxlace
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560Triz_1TlaxBoy05hoops_Daddyfrecklesxlacetranslucentme_jmann8181__Emmaarrawr
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantUnsweetenedTeagill_janLillyHale1tsm560poshbirdgabiiGreenMonkTlaxBoy05
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    UnsweetenedTeatsm560TlaxBoy05jmann8181__RichHarris2GBRougecityawordforawordSisyphus_13______
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 235
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantLillyHale1tsm560iGreenMonkTlaxBoy05Tmoney68GoddamnDelightjmann8181__
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560TlaxBoy05jmann8181__SassyTexasGalfillthevacuumjunejuly12Sisyphus_13______Neuronicism
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 215
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantEmmyloubellsgill_jantsm560poshbirdgabiiGreenMonkTmoney684boding
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    holysmokes300tsm560TlaxBoy05boobsareimpliedL_es_liemotrboatrSassyTexasGalRogueBunny
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 197
    • FAVS
    boobsareimpliedTheBeerGuy73TangyToastLorieGZSisyphus_13______72RICH72AnnoyedGruntxJamesonN7
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Sisyphus_13______Neuronicismlazydoxyjeffreyvanclea1olita81ClinSpahhhjustdoitnowokAphroditeAfter5
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    boobsareimpliedVotremelodienanilaasilent_musingsTangyToastThe_Marcnessnatkins24__velina1115
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    RichHarris2jessibby2213Htown_ShawtyyCarpentersCrackPsychoBerzerkerdhiraarolita81bloodhoneyxo
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 47 yo. Maddyalou on IG. Frederick Tweetup 3: http://twtvite.com/FrederickTweetupPartIII