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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,389
    • FAVS
    SweetSisterSoulangelwhorns68atanya1111grantgriesel666rguk1972ajmaahigarywicksonbright_eyedd
    • 728
    • RETWEETS
    angelwhorns68NoPekingatanya1111grantgriesel666theresurfacedDearAbbySimonRebel_Gypsy_Morgan2383Mo
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 857
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonMalay25GrecoMEMOIRETammaraMaiden1TheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkarchangelcrew
    • 441
    • RETWEETS
    it_girlchaconMaggieMhannakatrina_torreyTheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkterriucritsmetrb
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 865
    • FAVS
    OneOfTheseNitesneverland1970420blankmanTheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkjillwalker75SoWeirditsCool
    • 413
    • RETWEETS
    OneOfTheseNitespatriot8214420blankmanTheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkTeaBeaPeaMiss_Kris85
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1sassymcmelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 684
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonheather_bartelpie_and_dryVOL1212TheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkTheCrumbDiary
    • 343
    • RETWEETS
    AsHIsssH_Mpie_and_dryMaggieMhannaTheBoydPDigitalDropzimhhkFancyNancyAnnTheCrumbDiary
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 565
    • FAVS
    AngryRaccoon2singingdoves13UnIxphyscoDigitalDropzimhhkcurlymalloySweetgirl2679Miss_Kris85
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    havana_bluexUnIxphyscoDigitalDropzimhhkMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFunmoreofffmes_rewritten
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 576
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonamandajpandaxwave21DigitalDropzimhhkcurlymalloythemuddybankslucy_nyholm123
    • 308
    • RETWEETS
    DigitalDropzimhhklucy_nyholm123Miss_Kris85suedechukkajoeyfullystatedSilverBadgerpythio
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 432
    • FAVS
    sassymcmelonsDigitalDropzimhhkgreen_eyed_dollLorieGZjohn4saleHannahJehlCarmenGia
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    Blo0dyJimmie_DigitalDropzimhhkFancyNancyAnnTheCrumbDiary34bearcatLuvsOralFunahighwife
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 368
    • FAVS
    amandajpandaDigitalDropzimhhkthisislizzlosedilloImNotABadThingTheCrumbDiaryNWasbotten
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    xenab_memonDigitalDropzimhhkTheCrumbDiary34bearcatMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFunjuking6
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 368
    • FAVS
    AndreaMac37DigitalDropzimhhkNWasbotten34bearcatcurlymalloyOriginalLynnBrenzy88
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    DigitalDropzimhhk34bearcatMiss_Kris855oulhealerNdeshi_Msfc1953fusedude
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 318
    • FAVS
    DigitalDropzimhhkcurlymalloyOriginalLynnMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFununited_we_failMsSScandal
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    iamporgyDigitalDropzimhhkMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFunMindofLogan847opaucityishanc
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllsassymcmelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 339
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonTheCrumbDiarycurlymalloyArmymatt22kindofdeviantSweetgirl2679AxenbaneMiss_Kris85
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    TheCrumbDiaryArmymatt22JamesonN7Sweetgirl2679Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFunorthopeer5oulhealer
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 311
    • FAVS
    DigitalDropzimhhkcurlymalloyArmymatt22MDthriceBrianIncognitoakatinamarieSweetgirl2679
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    DigitalDropzimhhkArmymatt22akatinamarieSweetgirl2679Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFun5oulhealer
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 302
    • FAVS
    witonthetwitcurlymalloySweetgirl2679Miss_Kris85SpangexHeSlimedMeRaynottakenpromiseLuvsOralFun
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    Miss_Kris85allisonmetzrichnottakenpromiseLuvsOralFunLiilMinx5oulhealersfc1953pinningnut
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 289
    • FAVS
    curlymalloyLuvsOralFun_Valkyria_carlosmolotovFamilyRamblingsLiilMinx5oulhealertheBigMvee__
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    LuvsOralFunLiilMinx5oulhealersfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 286
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimoncurlymalloyThaatSativaHighJerome66JenkinsMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFunmoreofffmeMindofLogan847
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFun5oulhealerVickiAddessosfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedude
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 231
    • FAVS
    34bearcatcurlymalloycheeky_drePrincyS_ugafanatic77TierzaBishopBrianIncognitoMiss_Kris85
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    34bearcatShettyONTHErunSVD910ravi_sinhaaTierzaBishopiGreenMonkMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFun
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 253
    • FAVS
    34bearcatcurlymalloyIrpheuSMiss_Kris85LuvsOralFunNotBachibawlzFamilyRamblings5oulhealer
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    LuvsOralFuntoungestud5oulhealertsunami__7sfc1953DaxMaxForeverScott_A_Gilmorefusedude
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 264
    • FAVS
    34bearcatcurlymalloySweetgirl2679Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFunFamilyRamblingsKn_ockers77shokouno
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFun5oulhealerMrLonsterRobotfusedudeFavstar250vatalocaaSir_Strange
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    jenniferjarvis2NWasbotten34bearcatcurlymalloyChris2darockKenHuxley1Miss_Kris85Spangex
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    jenniferjarvis234bearcatChris2darockhaileystonee_RED31PaulliwagiGreenMonkMiss_Kris85
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 213
    • FAVS
    Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFunFamilyRamblings5oulhealertheBigMvee__debbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedude
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    LuvsOralFun5oulhealerMrLonsterRobotfusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51Sweet_SueZ
    madrigrober
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.