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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,315
    • FAVS
    writejamestheBigMveewhatitis112hirojesusmonsterkabouterMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychitssofluffy1121
    • 685
    • RETWEETS
    sfc195369shadesoftaaritssofluffy1121zolofighterStilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevilFloFarnsworthjamben82
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 822
    • FAVS
    theBigMveehirojesusSwartyComedyandyfwhitedebbiepsychTheAlexNevila_olivia4212bloody_guii
    • 419
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953MrLonsterRobotdeisyxoxfuseduderuffyoungSir_Strangelovemydogduckbluetractor
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 840
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeneledmaxhirojesusUncleBob56DrivelodeondebbiepsychRowdyRenePrinc3ssGC
    • 399
    • RETWEETS
    neledmaxsfc1953DrivelodeonMrLonsterRobotRowdyReneshedevil___VegasGalMareDeurb1
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1Sassy_Melonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 658
    • FAVS
    theBigMveehirojesusSwartyComedyAmezsterMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychIllEatYoFacezolofighter
    • 328
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953MrLonsterRobotwhtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevilsarahyehia82fusedudeSir_Strangelovemydogduck
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 545
    • FAVS
    theBigMveehirojesusparupaajMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychjaack_swaggerfusedudehythemafia
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajsfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudelovemydogduckHatleyRobindarrrkstarrrPee_And_Giggles
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 551
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeAxenbanedebbiepsychmirandajh16jamben82benerdistfusedudeblissfulyoga3
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953MrLonsterRobota_olivia4212fusedudejisforjoelleSir_Strangebillthebutcher2kathybotteas
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 408
    • FAVS
    NothinUsualtheBigMveeMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychKV68PSergioValenCoFRANKATROCIOUSRobertH89551825
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    theBigMveesfc1953TheAlexNevilLaura_dancesTouchemonsieurnezrorjamben82a_olivia4212
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 352
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeSammyJB121MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychDrivelodeonidiosityfusedudehythemafia
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135greg_veenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 346
    • FAVS
    theBigMveewhatitis112CaroleKarasikronty167parupaajAxenbanedebbiepsychsweetiepiedomo
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajsfc1953MrLonsterRobotsweetiepiedomoFeelinMarveloussarahyehia82fusedudeSir_Strange
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 304
    • FAVS
    theBigMveethebadjenndarrrkstarrrdebbiepsychVOL1212fusedudehythemafiaTraceykemp8
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953darrrkstarrrMrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeOblahdee_bobw1oCurly_gurl135
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassy_Melons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 325
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychAskAuntieEm1DarkMoe3fusedudesimonchollandhythemafia
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953DarkMoe3fusedudeSir_StrangebluetractordarrrkstarrrLackOfShameCurly_gurl135
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 295
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeronty167parupaajcigarexecMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychfusedudesimoncholland
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajcigarexecsfc1953deisyxoxfusedudeSir_StrangeDrivelodeondarrrkstarrr
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 285
    • FAVS
    theBigMveewhatitis112Just4funsaVincentVonGhoulAxenbanecognizzielatte_dramacIosetintrovert
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953pinningnutWiljoAustinlatte_dramaMrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeCurly_gurl135
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 282
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeAxenbanedebbiepsychfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135LackOfShamenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 270
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeparupaajDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiavatalocaajustme_DebbiSir_Strange
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    VickiAddessosfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeimatinykillerLoveMyScionFRSdarrrkstarrr
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 244
    • FAVS
    theBigMveewhatitis112MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychassfro_ImaFrootLoopbroknbonzracingImLookinForHim1
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953FeelinMarvelousScott_A_GilmorefusedudevatalocaaSir_Strangechesterscottydarrrkstarrr
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeparupaajMrLonsterRobotpandeirianfusedudeidiosityhythemafiaSir_Strange
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajsfc1953fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_Karmakazi
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 254
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeparupaajdebbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaKatie_OConnor_1vatalocaa
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeFavstar250vatalocaaSir_StrangeAxenbanedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    theBigMveedebbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskuTlaxBoy05
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_KarmakaziSisyphus_13______Neuronicism
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 152
    • FAVS
    theBigMveeMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychWordacrobatics1AxenbaneandyfwhiteKellieMouncejaack_swagger
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    AxenbaneKellieMouncefusedudedarrrkstarrrTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135Michelle_9693kcmoore51
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.