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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,223
    • FAVS
    M3lissaMcDonaldAmberAndMusicMon_x_Teyhappygal_pinksincerely_pearl_3rdDecanannzammpAJsfunnyshit
    • 629
    • RETWEETS
    RahimFoodloveRAmberAndMusicMon_x_Teydaisyjalodhiaronaldohawkyasmin_harris1DGally58momoneymo8
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 751
    • FAVS
    M3lissaMcDonaldArmymatt22MsFucketryPFitzpakrishna_vanDelanieFischerMILFDianebrianbowman73
    • 385
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanSamuelHLoweStoned_HusbandHaleighWreckerSureshMKotharimercurialmaiddollagentralcambuslad
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 766
    • FAVS
    ScoobdooblesstrangeHelenaM3lissaMcDonaldMon_x_Teysimonchollandjannable9BlondAmbitionTOchowsuu
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    ScoobdooblesM3lissaMcDonaldRahimFoodloveRMon_x_TeytealbluejayFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedTheRealAnchovy
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1SassyMcMelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 600
    • FAVS
    ednotsowisesimonchollandjannable9BlondAmbitionTOOneOfTheseNitestresdivasHanmaboogieSureshMKothari
    • 300
    • RETWEETS
    darrrkstarrrSureshMKothariPaddieandMaesykomom123cambusladKellyHintTracyL66MmmPrexton
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 520
    • FAVS
    ednotsowisesimonchollandjannable9BlondAmbitionTOElsyBeathcaseytduncanSureshMKothariMakahiloGirl
    • 298
    • RETWEETS
    Stoned_HusbandElsyBeathcaseytduncanjnarredondoMakahiloGirlcambusladth_purpl_ladysarcasticmommy4
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 510
    • FAVS
    HanmaboogieednotsowiseFlambeauxxx_MAWmaggianosTweetingDadGuyPollyTTThatDangIndianAcidCircus
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    2611_alpauliusVNOsourabhmalhotraTheCbLiveToken_GeezerStoned_Husbandgdsummers60SureshMKothari
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 349
    • FAVS
    ednotsowisesimonchollandjannable9DebraMuffinruffyoungCarpentersCrackJaneBadallStarGirlE13
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    ruffyoungCarpentersCrackStoned_HusbandMandelarantsAnnoyedGruntxSureshMKothariJustCallMeC_BethanyAR1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 332
    • FAVS
    sgtblueeyesednotsowisejannable9Jerome66JenkinschowsuutealbluejayHenry_3kriyamalhotra053
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    ednotsowisetealbluejaytender_gameFuzzy_Karmakazitsm560LackOfShamemajawardBlancaMQz_
    JustStooJustinCase1957QuagSwaggered
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 318
    • FAVS
    ednotsowisesimonchollandjannable9Vodka_TitsHanmaboogieSureshMKotharilivelistrepeatpbms_bitch
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    ednotsowiseStoned_HusbandSureshMKotharicambusladth_purpl_ladyamycook1939Nada_MorshedyMmmPrexton
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 282
    • FAVS
    jannable9OhgoddessitsmeFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedrage_chaosGreGooglyMooglyovereaseepossibilyss
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_KarmakazichAinedDesiressiGreenMonkcigarinIanTheligsterfriend_jen73SharmaAarastusexycurious999
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassyMcMelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    jannable9tender_gameFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedruraljulesfriend_jen73pkninjaz__armyantstudios
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_KarmakaziarmyantstudiosAnAverageGianttsm560jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05SassyTexasGal
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 273
    • FAVS
    jannable9tender_gamecydnizoiOhgoddessitsmeFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedterrycjtruraljules
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    OhgoddessitsmecydnizoiFuzzy_Karmakazifriend_jen73AnAverageGianttsm560jmann8181__RealJinjaNinja
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 263
    • FAVS
    mprice1006adult_keverageChris668Chrisredhotmomma99MomtoteensMandelarantsLetoileSanakatinamarie
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    adult_keverageredhotmomma99Vallygurl22darrrkstarrrMomtoteensStoned_HusbandakatinamarieAnnoyedGruntx
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 266
    • FAVS
    Fuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedAnAverageGianttsm560parupaajTmoney68jmann8181__boobsareimplied
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560parupaajjmann8181__Dirty_Secrets69TlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGal
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 198
    • FAVS
    Vallygurl22Fuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedtsm560TlaxBoy05ateatrayhoops_DaddyRoughHanded
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560Triz_1TlaxBoy05hoops_Daddyfrecklesxlacetranslucentme_jmann8181__
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 221
    • FAVS
    VanessaLaVueNikkiRuiz_2ittehHalbeerzFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedAnAverageGiantEmmyloubells
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    VanessaLaVueHalbeerzFuzzy_Karmakazijulygirl719SincerelyAmusedholysmokes300tsm560TlaxBoy05
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 243
    • FAVS
    simonchollandFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedAnAverageGiantUnsweetenedTeagill_janLillyHale1tsm560
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    UnsweetenedTeatsm560TlaxBoy05jmann8181__RichHarris2GBRougecityawordforawordSisyphus_13______
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 237
    • FAVS
    Fuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedAnAverageGiantLillyHale1tsm560iGreenMonkTlaxBoy05Tmoney68
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560TlaxBoy05jmann8181__SassyTexasGalfillthevacuumjunejuly12Sisyphus_13______
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    Fuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedboobsareimpliedTheBeerGuy73TangyToastLorieGZSisyphus_13______72RICH72
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    Fuzzy_KarmakaziSisyphus_13______Neuronicismlazydoxyjeffreyvanclea1olita81ClinSpahhhjustdoitnowok
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    Dr_C2006AnnoyedGruntxomgcornflakesFuzzy_KarmakaziSincerelyAmusedboobsareimpliedVotremelodiehahnani
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    Vallygurl22Nishparikh4Fuzzy_KarmakaziRichHarris2jessibby2213Htown_ShawtyyCarpentersCrackPsychoBerzerker
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 47 yo. Maddyalou on IG.