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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,050
    • FAVS
    CrystalCfblissradtoriaGBRougecityundonestardawny716eastside72mrbuster60Lorraine13Y
    • 522
    • RETWEETS
    Topcat_007GBRougecitymrbuster60Roweboat13Grndhousekcirtap11alsoMikeEuDeadpool
    jasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 688
    • FAVS
    ShanLeeYYCGBRougecitydawny716AKackleymrbuster60Roweboat13GmyemptythoughtsCharchilGhale
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    AKackleymrbuster60PreranaNembangivanclark1stbossy_bootz_whatever88angryassbastardFrankCurtisB
    VirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1SassyMcMelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 620
    • FAVS
    radtoriaGBRougecitydawny716mrbuster60Roweboat13GmyemptythoughtsnotstateMomdukz01
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    GBRougecitymrbuster60angryassbastardnotstateattheUCNoku_Afrikhandivadeb99lazazimyriam
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey____DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 508
    • FAVS
    _BadKittyBlarebareOkayHunBunaccidentalsmbdyWinBlulordofthedelichef_kendraBDGarp
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    BareBackBunnyWinBluDimple3DonnaTyger_MKUKRegina_UniverseAskAuntieEm1SortaSarcasticPDogg8675309
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 455
    • FAVS
    radtoriamyemptythoughtsyoufukinwishattheUCMinionTrainerVodkaTiemBadAssB48546279LorieGZ
    • 260
    • RETWEETS
    Seymour_HineyattheUCRolltide_mnVodkaTiemBadAssB48546279awordforawordGeosLokdFunnyTitan
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    If a woman ever tells you her greatest sexual fantasy, the right response is never 'You pervert!'

    Ever.

    Asshole.

    • 332
    • FAVS
    AKackleymrbuster60The_MarcnessyoufukinwishattheUCbendymommydemianthuleLovestruckLayla
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    AKackleymrbuster60attheUCSisyphus_13______NeuronicismFyrekrakr73EdHernandez922vinfury
    ohnoCole
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 297
    • FAVS
    GBRougecityJustSaying313yodalrnsgrammarWildeThingy24HourBitchingdrubicabragoth_lennoxSamDeLanche
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    SamDeLancheattheUCawordforawordkarmagirlincaliLovestruckLaylaSisyphus_13______TeriBussartjasonlight73
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 298
    • FAVS
    ShanLeeYYCGBRougecitynotstateattheUCbendymommy1cynicalbitchSisyphus_13______72RICH72
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    attheUCSisyphus_13______AnnoyedGruntxredpawn3TDeeRockEgyptOrientalLaddy42__________SoWeirditsCool
    JustStooJustinCase1957QuagSwaggered
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 276
    • FAVS
    ShanLeeYYCtylersorrellsLerkyattheUCLorieGZbendymommyinaprettypickleJustUnstableMe
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    notstateattheUCinaprettypickleawordforawordSisyphus_13______72RICH72NeuronicismEgyptOriental
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 278
    • FAVS
    radtoriaGBRougecitynotstateattheUCLorieGZbendymommynmweberMissvalCa
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    attheUCawordforawordSisyphus_13______Neuronicismredpawn3lazydoxyLaddy42__________Twitmytweeties
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 222
    • FAVS
    attheUCLorieGZbendymommySisyphus_13______72RICH72jasonlight73AnnoyedGruntxJamesonN7
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    Sisyphus_13______littlemisspsunmelodicmadeDanDominowskiT0astThinks__redpawn3lazydoxysanthonythomas
    JimmerThatisAllSassyMcMelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 247
    • FAVS
    InkedUpKidderHumor_Fetishskullpuppy11noneofyours99LoriGallucciGBRougecitymrbuster60Roweboat13G
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    noneofyours99GBRougecityRoweboat13GattheUCbigtate2010BoobzAndBrainzSisyphus_13______72RICH72
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 247
    • FAVS
    attheUCLorieGZLovestruckLaylaSisyphus_13______72RICH72AnnoyedGruntxJamesonN7Meganismyfav
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    artiecab__attheUCSisyphus_13______NeuronicismEgyptOrientalredpawn3lazydoxyLaddy42__________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Note to self: If you can't figure out what the avi is, do not enlarge it! I repeat, do not enlarge it!

    • 220
    • FAVS
    radtoriaGBRougecityattheUCLorieGZLovestruckLaylaSisyphus_13______72RICH72jasonlight73
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    tylersorrellsattheUCSisyphus_13______NeuronicismLipLush1EgyptOrientalWinterLightHomeIAmTheCrew
    savoirfail
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 217
    • FAVS
    GBRougecityattheUCLorieGZAnabolicErikawordforawordimrodgeEgyptOrientalSisyphus_13______
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordEgyptOrientalSisyphus_13______Neuronicismredpawn3lazydoxyLaddy42__________PourChoices
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 221
    • FAVS
    mrbuster60attheUCLorieGZSisyphus_13______72RICH72AnnoyedGruntxJamesonN7redpawn3
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    Sisyphus_13______NeuronicismdaskidcoppilazydoxyLaddy42__________Cold_specksmundxanthRichHarris2
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    GBRougecityattheUCawordforawordLovestruckLaylaSisyphus_13______72RICH72VickisCakeCraftAnnoyedGruntx
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    GBRougecityawordforawordSisyphus_13______NeuronicismCarpentersCrackredpawn3lazydoxymoose_chocolate
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    attheUCLorieGZboobookitty7468EgyptOrientalhuntley_s____Peteypops13angieissoLovestruckLayla
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    attheUCboobookitty7468EgyptOrientalMrOutstanding20Peteypops13angieissoLovestruckLaylaSisyphus_13______
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    LorieGZSisyphus_13______72RICH72AnnoyedGruntxJamesonN7lazydoxysanthonythomasBobbyBucchae
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Sisyphus_13______Neuronicismlazydoxyjeffreyvanclea1olita81ClinSpahhhjustdoitnowokAphroditeAfter5
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    GBRougecityLorieGZBackpackerBooieawordforawordSisyphus_13______randomlawless72RICH72jasonlight73
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordSisyphus_13______72RICH72alyssatess_lazydoxyjeffreyvanclea1GreenEyedLoonolita81
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. Neurotic mom to a 13 year old son. 47 yo. Maddyalou on IG