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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,130
    • FAVS
    smeempsCreamerfan1Coalition_Man7evin3moranTmoney68mikeym00nBitch_Killa23ugrantgirl2004
    • 563
    • RETWEETS
    LifeStrickenTmoney68007Rex_Incpinkmoon_33ApacheAssasinLetsGoDoyersNahdude83Sisal_Spikes
    DevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68sgtpd75Fibuttonqwertyingjmann8181RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedHRTSMRT
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    S8804qwertyingjmann8181RealJinjaNinjachocmoney1974boobsareimpliedCannabisWTFshabanais
    VirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1SassyMcMelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 701
    • FAVS
    MeredithBasssTwistdidMindaaronupkatygirldreaminbabygotclaybackBandersnaaatchRikkiCrawleytejaamladi
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    k_mmm_dMyRedPetRockriiamanalesetejaamladiAndyAsAdjectiverebeccaveraleetrolololamaconcretesledge_
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 565
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68coconuts_lifesgtpd75dzhraydautry88heatherbob45LifestyleBitchpbear79
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    fruitbogS8804heatherbob45LifestyleBitchqwertyinggreeneyedmomstajmann8181dafa_hoo
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 485
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68GoddamnDelightjmann8181LzbethRachaelRealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedjimandrewsmusicalex051496
    • 278
    • RETWEETS
    Lorelei_Bluejmann8181RealJinjaNinjaKatieomacwarhawks4SassyTexasGalContwixtBellevivant66
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 471
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68EmmaPace15Republican_CromNewMeReenaschcandy12LittleJimmy61SweetMamaMimijoelebean
    • 247
    • RETWEETS
    JoeyAlexandr101Tmoney68GurrdyGirljoelebeanRFHKerryqwertyingDaampierevietsurefirecaps
    bossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    If a woman ever tells you her greatest sexual fantasy, the right response is never 'You pervert!'

    Ever.

    Asshole.

    • 353
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68sgtpd75jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05Amy6287jimandrewsmusic
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05orthopeerSassyTexasGalTankCesarfillthevacuum_zazaz_
    ohnoCole
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 316
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68qwertyingAnnaG930jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaCaptHalJordanboobsareimplied4boding
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    majawardBlancaMarquez_jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedSassyTexasGalContwixtfillthevacuum
    JustStooJustinCase1957QuagSwaggered
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 292
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181MuuMaaMustikkaRealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedGELLIGIAMARKdrayzzeMobergMr
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181MuuMaaMustikkaRealJinjaNinjaMcGunnersitebreatheandloveBasstardy________FayLovesNutellacecee_tho
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 265
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68mdob11TiceNitsGoddamnDelightuh_like_iDunnojaxndalambaJust4funsaDadAfterDark
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    fetalskingraftJust4funsaStive333ashhmorggjmann8181Al_QwertoCallMe_ThugNstyTayloRaps
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 252
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68misspuff420gallagher986gmossiiGodlessAndHappyS8804nakedlaughingTw1tter_K1tten
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    zikalistagallagher986GodlessAndHappyS8804nakedlaughingqwertyingjmann8181dafa_hoo
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassyMcMelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 293
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGalfillthevacuum
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05SassyTexasGalThe_Ryan_Brownzami_singsonJackDaniel_RoyShoeInABag
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 262
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68sgtpd75jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGal
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05technochtitlan_fillthevacuumThe_Ryan_Brownbenittto3Favstar250
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 261
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181boobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05Dirty_Secrets69Traceykemp8bobw1ojimandrewsmusic
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181Dirty_Secrets69TlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGalfillthevacuumbenittto5Favstar250
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Note to self: If you can't figure out what the avi is, do not enlarge it! I repeat, do not enlarge it!

    • 228
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181boobsareimpliedsilent_musingsfillthevacuumTheBeerGuy73TangyToastScarsFourEyes
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181TlaxBoy05tylersorrellsattheUCSisyphus_13______NeuronicismLipLush1EgyptOriental
    SavoirFail
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 230
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68qwertyingjmann8181boobsareimpliedsilent_musingsSassyTexasGalBellevivant66sammyj_04
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181TlaxBoy05sammyj_04fillthevacuumScarsFourEyesawordforawordEgyptOrientalSisyphus_13______
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68SSparklesDailyfrecklesxlacetranslucentme_doc_shahjmann8181boobsareimpliedsilent_musings
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    frecklesxlacetranslucentme_jmann8181EmmaarrawrlaurntiegnD_HeallfillthevacuumJustDrinkItAway
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 230
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68GoddamnDelightjmann8181boobsareimpliedSassyTexasGalPagikahhfillthevacuumTheBeerGuy73
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181SassyTexasGalfillthevacuumjunejuly12Sisyphus_13______Neuronicismdaskidcoppi______lazydoxy
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Tmoney684bodingjmann8181boobsareimpliedworldbeforeyoualexisameliaSassyTexasGalfillthevacuum
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181RichHarris2GBRougecityawordforawordSisyphus_13______NeuronicismCarpentersCrackredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    Tmoney684bodingCatherineLMKCaptHalJordancatiemontgomeryboobsareimpliedwendyraepearceFancyNancyAnn
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    boobsareimpliedL_es_liemotrboatrSassyTexasGalRogueBunnyHonkyTonkJewfillthevacuumawordforaword
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 47 yo. Maddyalou on IG. Frederick Tweetup 3: http://twtvite.com/FrederickTweetupPartIII