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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,531
    • FAVS
    daniel_frijolesRichardProctormavisritafarrowBigRobNelsongirlontapaskikdbakbitchHelenaRey13KellySi24841815
    • 807
    • RETWEETS
    emonation66girlontapasmackosaurus12TheRealMszeewrongwaybennettJedistitchkirkleblanc40SamDelanche
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 1,022
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowPencilWalrusgirlontapaskikdbakbitchGaryGansBBlue_DriftAudreyDoesArtbluemeenie
    • 542
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapaskikdbakbitchMahniAdamsbluemeenierawkstaahmackosaurus12enzoburritobamagirl3041
    kevindividual__Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 928
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapaskikdbakbitchrawkstaahInvoluntaryETheRealMszeeJedistitchOffthedeepend2
    • 456
    • RETWEETS
    P_dabholkargirlontapasrawkstaahTheRealMszeeJedistitchSamDelanchelauradru62ReginaldDennys
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1sassymcmelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 788
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapaskikdbakbitchrawkstaahmackosaurus12babauckJedistitchmallster
    • 398
    • RETWEETS
    P_dabholkargirlontapaskikdbakbitchrawkstaahmackosaurus12JedistitchSamDelanchelauradru62
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 651
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapasCianuroEnShot4ScoreN20Bowlspattttrick44himynameispizzaninjalou12soulindivision
    • 351
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapas4ScoreN20Bowlsninjalou12lauradru62ProudPapaDuffyPressOneForNodrunktweets81Ozjohn55
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 616
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapaskikdbakbitchrawkstaahenzoburritobabauckEdwinaCrumpleSamDelanche
    • 361
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapaskikdbakbitchrawkstaahenzoburritoSamDelanchepattttrick44gordon_gzmechmralkhaldi55
    ShaneSpiralanna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 526
    • FAVS
    BriteRainbow799tricyclerunaway123goodbye121ella__frasermavisritafarrowgirlontapasKellySi24841815rawkstaah
    • 255
    • RETWEETS
    ella__fraseremonation66P_dabholkargirlontapaspreyeduhhrawkstaahmackosaurus12enzoburrito
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapasCharcastischYellowDaisyHopezaraleascottioKazbah77JumpintotheGrogkratosfrostbite
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapasAichaNusCharcastischJoyfulKarmaJumpintotheGrogCarey_IsIndiquotepattttrick44
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 394
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapaspattttrick44jumpdasharkthgrace78_graceArmymatt22lauradru62PressOneForNo
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapasthgrace78_gracelauradru62APuzzelloVodkaTiemdPiratePrincessMc_Whiskerskaztharsis
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 353
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowgirlontapasjumpdasharkMentalMisterNikiDresdenlauradru62PressOneForNohirojesus
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapasMentalMisterlauradru62mralkhaldi55girl_a_whirlmotorace177dPiratePrincessdeepakrai916
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllsassymcmelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 377
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowBethanyImmoordrewpetrougirlontapasjumpdasharkProudPapaDuffyPressOneForNohirojesus
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    drewpetrougirlontapaspowerpuss_girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessSlave_4_Udeepakrai916novicefather
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 341
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowsgtblueeyesdrewpetrougirlontapasjumpdasharkMentalMisterninjalou12lauradru62
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    emonation66drewpetrougirlontapasMentalMisterninjalou12lauradru62dPiratePrincessMc_Whiskers
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 337
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowJay1972Jaygirlontapasjumpdasharkcarlman40lauradru62PressOneForNoTexasMarVal
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    girlontapaslauradru62girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessMissLynette13novicefathercm_rutviksawracki
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 325
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowdrewpetrougirlontapasjumpdasharklauradru62ProudPapaDuffyPressOneForNohirojesus
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    drewpetrougirlontapasgirl_a_whirlTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessGavsonNZMind_fukkSaheed3170
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 263
    • FAVS
    librarianfonzmavisritafarrowemonation66girlontapaslauradru62PressOneForNohirojesussnarkybb
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    librarianfonzemonation66girlontapascrissywhetstonegirl_a_whirltx_tineFavstar250__doctorjanin
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 311
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowDrmhausLifeemonation66JanisZepalynngirlontapasjumpdasharkPressOneForNohirojesus
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    emonation66girlontapasgirl_a_whirldPiratePrincessenvydatropicLuvsOralFunLiilMinx5oulhealer
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 291
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrownchiuraz286emonation66BrownBoxersgirlontapasjumpdasharklauradru62PressOneForNo
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    idunowhoemonation66BrownBoxersgirlontapaslauradru62girl_a_whirlromerofrrCrazzzyKen
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 295
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowBigRobNelsongirlontapasjumpdasharkProudPapaDuffyPressOneForNohirojesusPMPAfterdark
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    emonation66girlontapasTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessMind_fukkenvydatropicLin_BakerUncleBob56
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 207
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowtessafirelackluster30emonation66judtravisBrownBoxersingalee1984asm0080
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    tessafirelackluster30emonation66BrownBoxersasm0080girlontapascipollonskycrissywhetstone
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 227
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowemonation66TheAngryMailGuygirlontapasjumpdasharkPressOneForNodPiratePrincessnovicefather
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    emonation66girlontapasdPiratePrincessenvydatropicLuvsOralFun5oulhealerMrLonsterRobotfusedude
    madrigrober
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.

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