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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,149
    • FAVS
    gorgeouscompanyItdidntwerkViet_xoxoSwayzeVicioussamvariasOutsideMetroMartianAmbassadminnie_in_pink7
    • 573
    • RETWEETS
    UgotMeFdUPSwayzeVicioussamvariasminnie_in_pink7FrankCurtisBkselewamartinson20LoverOfComics94
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 734
    • FAVS
    gorgeouscompanyTmoney68sgtpd75Fibuttonqwertyingjmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimplied
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    S8804qwertyingjmann8181__RealJinjaNinjachocmoney1974boobsareimpliedCannabisWTFshabanais
    VirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1SassyMcMelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 709
    • FAVS
    LilWahineGidgetgorgeouscompany1HappytwitTermMemoKizzyZillMarsianManWhatevaConcBedheadBunny
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    WULFDEANTermMemoKizzyZillWhatevaConck_mmm_dMyRedPetRockriiamanalesetejaamladi
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 567
    • FAVS
    laustrudrutesperanzaTmoney68coconuts_lifesgtpd75dzhraydautry88heatherbob45
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    rutesperanzafruitbogS8804heatherbob45LifestyleBitchqwertyinggreeneyedmomstajmann8181__
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 489
    • FAVS
    LilWahineGidget1HappytwitAphrodite_VixenLackOfShameTmoney68GoddamnDelightjmann8181__LzbethRachael
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    WULFDEANMissGixxerLackOfShameLorelei_Bluejmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaKatieomacwarhawks4
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 471
    • FAVS
    InsulinAddict12LisaontherightrutesperanzaTmoney68EmmaPace15Republican_CromNewMeReenaschcandy12
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    JonathanRyrie1rutesperanzaJoeyAlexandr101Tmoney68GurrdyGirljoelebeanRFHKerryqwertying
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    If a woman ever tells you her greatest sexual fantasy, the right response is never 'You pervert!'

    Ever.

    Asshole.

    • 358
    • FAVS
    Gatologichotmessmama76aysia_valdezAngela_Rose81LackOfShameTmoney68sgtpd75jmann8181__
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    Gatologichotmessmama76LackOfShamejmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05orthopeerSassyTexasGal
    ohnoCole
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 319
    • FAVS
    candyisalsosourchicnlil1LackOfShameTmoney68qwertyingAnnaG930jmann8181__RealJinjaNinja
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShamemajawardBlancaMarquez_jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedSassyTexasGalContwixt
    JustStooJustinCase1957QuagSwaggered
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 295
    • FAVS
    TankCesarCrazyForMoxleyLackOfShameTmoney68jmann8181__MuuMaaMustikkaRealJinjaNinjaboobsareimplied
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    hotmessmama76LackOfShamejmann8181__MuuMaaMustikkaRealJinjaNinjaMcGunnersitebreatheandloveBasstardy________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 276
    • FAVS
    WalterLacyMicheleobrien1SarahSpizzieSickayduhppleBaesSenoritaPuddingRealDMKdarda_berry
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    theweirdokhalidKimmerz34SickayduhJoelStacksaysia_valdezLackOfShamefetalskingraftJust4funsa
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 257
    • FAVS
    seancorygulaijLangenAntonyPuzzellochicnlil1LackOfShameTmoney68misspuff420gallagher986
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    aysia_valdezLackOfShamezikalistagallagher986GodlessAndHappyS8804nakedlaughingqwertying
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassyMcMelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 293
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGalfillthevacuum
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05SassyTexasGalThe_Ryan_Brownzami_singsonJackDaniel_RoyShoeInABag
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 262
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68sgtpd75jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaboobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGal
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__RealJinjaNinjaTlaxBoy05technochtitlan_fillthevacuumThe_Ryan_Brownbenittto3Favstar250
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 261
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181__boobsareimpliedTlaxBoy05Dirty_Secrets69Traceykemp8bobw1ojimandrewsmusic
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__Dirty_Secrets69TlaxBoy05jimandrewsmusicSassyTexasGalfillthevacuumbenittto5Favstar250
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Note to self: If you can't figure out what the avi is, do not enlarge it! I repeat, do not enlarge it!

    • 228
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68jmann8181__boobsareimpliedsilent_musingsfillthevacuumTheBeerGuy73TangyToastScarsFourEyes
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__TlaxBoy05tylersorrellsattheUCSisyphus_13______NeuronicismLipLush1EgyptOriental
    SavoirFail
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 230
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68qwertyingjmann8181__boobsareimpliedsilent_musingsSassyTexasGalBellevivant66sammyj_04
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__TlaxBoy05sammyj_04fillthevacuumScarsFourEyesawordforawordEgyptOrientalSisyphus_13______
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    RoughHandedTmoney68SSparklesDailyfrecklesxlacetranslucentme_doc_shahjmann8181__boobsareimplied
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    frecklesxlacetranslucentme_jmann8181__EmmaarrawrlaurntiegnD_HeallfillthevacuumJustDrinkItAway
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 230
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68GoddamnDelightjmann8181__boobsareimpliedSassyTexasGalPagikahhfillthevacuumTheBeerGuy73
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__SassyTexasGalfillthevacuumjunejuly12Sisyphus_13______Neuronicismdaskidcoppi______lazydoxy
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Tmoney684bodingjmann8181__boobsareimpliedworldbeforeyoualexisameliaSassyTexasGalfillthevacuum
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    jmann8181__RichHarris2GBRougecityawordforawordSisyphus_13______NeuronicismCarpentersCrackredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    Tmoney684bodingCatherineLMKCaptHalJordancatiemontgomeryboobsareimpliedwendyraepearceFancyNancyAnn
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    boobsareimpliedL_es_liemotrboatrSassyTexasGalRogueBunnyHonkyTonkJewfillthevacuumawordforaword
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 47 yo. Maddyalou on IG. Frederick Tweetup 3: http://twtvite.com/FrederickTweetupPartIII