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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,319
    • FAVS
    FroDiddleyChristo14827035Ndeshi_Mtsunami__7writejamestheBigMvee__whatitis112hirojesus
    • 687
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mtsunami__7sfc195369shadesoftaaritssofluffy1121zolofighterStilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevil
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 828
    • FAVS
    jack_the_poetJulietitionNdeshi_MJess_Alterronbisseltsunami__7theBigMvee__hirojesus
    • 422
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mronbisseltsunami__7sfc1953MrLonsterRobotdeisyxoxfuseduderuffyoung
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 845
    • FAVS
    VodkaTiemkeithlevJulietitionNdeshi_Mtsunami__7theBigMvee__neledmaxhirojesus
    • 403
    • RETWEETS
    VodkaTiemselknakeithlevNdeshi_Mneledmaxsfc1953DrivelodeonMrLonsterRobot
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1sassymcmelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 662
    • FAVS
    jack_the_poetJulietitionNdeshi_Mtsunami__7theBigMvee__hirojesusSwartyComedyAmezster
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    FeneleyJennyNdeshi_Msfc1953MrLonsterRobotwhtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevilsarahyehia82fusedude
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 548
    • FAVS
    noranutterNdeshi_Mtsunami__7theBigMvee__hirojesusparupaajMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsych
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mtsunami__7parupaajsfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudelovemydogduckHatleyRobin
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 553
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Mtsunami__7theBigMvee__Axenbanedebbiepsychmirandajh16jamben82benerdist
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Msfc1953MrLonsterRobota_olivia4212fusedudejisforjoelleSir_Strangebillthebutcher2
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 411
    • FAVS
    zymasriWhispurrrrrcloudypianosselknaNdeshi_Mtsunami__7NothinUsualtheBigMvee__
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    selknaFeneleyJennyNdeshi_MtheBigMvee__sfc1953TheAlexNevilLaura_dancesTouchemonsieur
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 353
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_MtheBigMvee__SammyJB121MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychDrivelodeonidiosityfusedude
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Msfc1953fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135greg_veenaughty_dirty___
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 347
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_MtheBigMvee__whatitis112CaroleKarasikronty167parupaajAxenbanedebbiepsych
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mparupaajsfc1953MrLonsterRobotsweetiepiedomoFeelinMarveloussarahyehia82fusedude
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 306
    • FAVS
    selknatsunami__7theBigMvee__thebadjenndarrrkstarrrdebbiepsychVOL1212fusedude
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953darrrkstarrrMrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeOblahdee_bobw1oCurly_gurl135
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllsassymcmelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 325
    • FAVS
    theBigMvee__MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychAskAuntieEm1DarkMoe3fusedudesimonchollandhythemafia
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953DarkMoe3fusedudeSir_StrangebluetractordarrrkstarrrLackOfShameCurly_gurl135
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 295
    • FAVS
    theBigMvee__ronty167parupaajcigarexecMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychfusedudesimoncholland
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajcigarexecsfc1953deisyxoxfusedudeSir_StrangeDrivelodeondarrrkstarrr
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 286
    • FAVS
    selknatheBigMvee__whatitis112Just4funsaVincentVonGhoulAxenbanecognizzielatte_drama
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953pinningnutWiljoAustinlatte_dramaMrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeCurly_gurl135
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 282
    • FAVS
    theBigMvee__AxenbanedebbiepsychfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    sfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135LackOfShamenaughty_dirty___kcmoore51
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 271
    • FAVS
    tsunami__7theBigMvee__parupaajDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiavatalocaajustme_Debbi
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    VickiAddessosfc1953MrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeimatinykillerLoveMyScionFRSdarrrkstarrr
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 245
    • FAVS
    tsunami__7theBigMvee__whatitis112MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychassfro_ImaFrootLoopbroknbonzracing
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    tsunami__7sfc1953FeelinMarvelousScott_A_GilmorefusedudevatalocaaSir_Strangechesterscotty
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 213
    • FAVS
    tsunami__7theBigMvee__parupaajMrLonsterRobotpandeirianfusedudeidiosityhythemafia
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajsfc1953fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135kcmoore51Sweet_SueZ
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 254
    • FAVS
    theBigMvee__parupaajdebbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaKatie_OConnor_1vatalocaa
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeFavstar250vatalocaaSir_StrangeAxenbanedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    theBigMvee__debbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskuTlaxBoy05
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51Sweet_SueZSisyphus_13______Neuronicism
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    BlarebaremzkgeruraljulesTJtweet10ibleedDOyouawordforawordtsunami__7theBigMvee__
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    Martin_ThunderibleedDOyouawordforawordAxenbaneKellieMouncefusedudedarrrkstarrrTlaxBoy05
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.