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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,308
    • FAVS
    itssofluffy1121litLgrrrlGramsChrisKClayton09StilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevilFloFarnsworththebossofitall
    • 683
    • RETWEETS
    itssofluffy1121zolofighterStilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevilFloFarnsworthjamben82Freddy_Masha_olivia4212
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 817
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevila_olivia4212bloody_guiilawdewdfusedudebreakfast_jonesMelvinofYorkruffyoung
    • 417
    • RETWEETS
    deisyxoxfuseduderuffyoungSir_Strangelovemydogduckbluetractor_gareththompsonbuckweiser13
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 834
    • FAVS
    RowdyRenePrinc3ssGCshedevil___hipmatizeVegasGalMaryDeurb1nyapplegirlzolofighter
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
    RowdyReneshedevil___VegasGalMaryDeurb1missymaxwell365nyapplegirlTalented_Ineptzolofighter
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1Sassy_Melonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 651
    • FAVS
    zolofighterdarkshadow13whtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevilncc17o1fusedudehythemafiaacurban62
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    whtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevilsarahyehia82fusedudeSir_StrangelovemydogduckSarahSue55jlkroberts
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 540
    • FAVS
    jaack_swaggerfusedudehythemafiaWherDeDoDatAtlovemydogduckBruceForceiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudelovemydogduckHatleyRobindarrrkstarrrPee_And_GigglesCurly_gurl135BadaBingeHalbeerz
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 543
    • FAVS
    mirandajh16jamben82benerdistfusedudeblissfulyoga3hythemafiaMaikUtdsmile4meli
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    a_olivia4212fusedudejisforjoelleSir_Strangebillthebutcher2kathybotteaslovemydogduckenabrkovic
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 405
    • FAVS
    KV68PSergioValenCoFRANKATROCIOUSRobertH89551825TheAlexNevilbpchiverPurvoActualdreamthievin
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilLaura_dancesleahluveunezrorjamben82a_olivia4212sarahyehia82TomE83_
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 348
    • FAVS
    DrivelodeonidiosityfusedudehythemafiaTraceykemp8Sir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135greg_veenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51ednotsowise
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 339
    • FAVS
    sweetiepiedomomschelseawoodLaDruggiePoeticDichotomyJavierVela_Drivelodeonfusedudehythemafia
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    sweetiepiedomoFeelinMarveloussarahyehia82fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135betowmx
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 300
    • FAVS
    VOL1212fusedudehythemafiaTraceykemp8Sir_StrangeDrDweeziliNuskuPee_And_Giggles
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangeOblahdee_bobw1oCurly_gurl135Aybak223Axenbanefatoomsaychesse
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassy_Melons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 322
    • FAVS
    AskAuntieEm1DarkMoe3fusedudesimonchollandhythemafiaPhaedoShadeSir_Strangebluetractor
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    DarkMoe3fusedudeSir_StrangebluetractordarrrkstarrrLackOfShameCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 289
    • FAVS
    fusedudesimonchollandhythemafiai339314Sir_StrangeDrDweeziliNuskuGYeulett
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    deisyxoxfusedudeSir_StrangeDrivelodeondarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_CanadianPitbull
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 275
    • FAVS
    beersudsfusedudesimonchollandhythemafiaTraceykemp8Sir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangeCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_kcmoore51adult_keverageredhotmomma99Vallygurl22
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 279
    • FAVS
    fusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135daniellagoldsmGSHOK9
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135LackOfShamenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 267
    • FAVS
    fusedudehythemafiavatalocaajustme_DebbiSir_StrangeiNuskuchompy_jrLoveMyScionFRS
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangeimatinykillerLoveMyScionFRSdarrrkstarrrSexySpainNightsFavstar250RohitKohli236
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    assfro_ImaFrootLoopbroknbonzracingImLookinForHim1Scott_A_Gilmorefusedudeangieissohythemafia
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    FeelinMarvelousScott_A_GilmorefusedudevatalocaaSir_StrangechesterscottydarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 251
    • FAVS
    DrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaKatie_OConnor_1vatalocaaSir_StrangeiNuskuAxenbane
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeFavstar250vatalocaaSir_StrangeAxenbanedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135momupsidedown
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    pandeirianfusedudeidiosityhythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrrPee_And_Giggles
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560Triz_1
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 207
    • FAVS
    DrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskuTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_KarmakaziSisyphus_13______Neuronicismlazydoxy
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 149
    • FAVS
    Wordacrobatics1AxenbaneandyfwhiteKellieMouncejaack_swaggeridiosityfusedudehythemafia
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    AxenbaneKellieMouncefusedudedarrrkstarrrTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135Michelle_9693kcmoore51
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.