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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,310
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychitssofluffy1121litLgrrrlGramsChrisKClayton09StilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevil
    • 683
    • RETWEETS
    itssofluffy1121zolofighterStilettoSuprmomTheAlexNevilFloFarnsworthjamben82Freddy_Masha_olivia4212
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 819
    • FAVS
    andyfwhitedebbiepsychTheAlexNevila_olivia4212bloody_guiilawdewdfusedudebreakfast_jones
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotdeisyxoxfuseduderuffyoungSir_Strangelovemydogduckbluetractor_gareththompson
    Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 837
    • FAVS
    UncleBob56DrivelodeondebbiepsychRowdyRenePrinc3ssGCshedevil___hipmatizeVegasGalMare
    • 397
    • RETWEETS
    DrivelodeonMrLonsterRobotRowdyReneshedevil___VegasGalMareDeurb1missymaxwell365nyapplegirl
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1Sassy_Melonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    AmezsterMrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychIllEatYoFacezolofighterdarkshadow13whtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevil
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotwhtboy_tattooedTheAlexNevilsarahyehia82fusedudeSir_StrangelovemydogduckSarahSue55
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 542
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychjaack_swaggerfusedudehythemafiaWherDeDoDatAtlovemydogduckBruceForce
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudelovemydogduckHatleyRobindarrrkstarrrPee_And_GigglesCurly_gurl135BadaBinge
    anna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 549
    • FAVS
    Axenbanedebbiepsychmirandajh16jamben82benerdistfusedudeblissfulyoga3hythemafia
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobota_olivia4212fusedudejisforjoelleSir_Strangebillthebutcher2kathybotteaslovemydogduck
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 407
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychKV68PSergioValenCoFRANKATROCIOUSRobertH89551825TheAlexNevilbpchiver
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilLaura_dancesleahluveunezrorjamben82a_olivia4212sarahyehia82TomE83_
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 350
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychDrivelodeonidiosityfusedudehythemafiaTraceykemp8Sir_Strange
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135greg_veenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51ednotsowise
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 341
    • FAVS
    AxenbanedebbiepsychsweetiepiedomomschelseawoodLaDruggiePoeticDichotomyJavierVela_Drivelodeon
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotsweetiepiedomoFeelinMarveloussarahyehia82fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 301
    • FAVS
    debbiepsychVOL1212fusedudehythemafiaTraceykemp8Sir_StrangeDrDweeziliNusku
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeOblahdee_bobw1oCurly_gurl135Aybak223Axenbane
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllSassy_Melons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 324
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychAskAuntieEm1DarkMoe3fusedudesimonchollandhythemafiaPhaedoShade
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    DarkMoe3fusedudeSir_StrangebluetractordarrrkstarrrLackOfShameCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 291
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychfusedudesimonchollandhythemafiai339314Sir_StrangeDrDweezil
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    deisyxoxfusedudeSir_StrangeDrivelodeondarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_CanadianPitbull
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 283
    • FAVS
    Just4funsaVincentVonGhoulAxenbanecognizzielatte_dramacIosetintrovertAngela_Rose81debbiepsych
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    pinningnutWiljoAustinlatte_dramaMrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeCurly_gurl135naughty_dirty_
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 281
    • FAVS
    AxenbanedebbiepsychfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135LackOfShamenaughty_dirty_kcmoore51Fuzzy_Karmakazi
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    Drivelodeonfusedudehythemafiavatalocaajustme_DebbiSir_StrangeiNuskuchompy_jr
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeSir_StrangeimatinykillerLoveMyScionFRSdarrrkstarrrSexySpainNightsFavstar250
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 242
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychassfro_ImaFrootLoopbroknbonzracingImLookinForHim1Scott_A_Gilmorefusedude
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    FeelinMarvelousScott_A_GilmorefusedudevatalocaaSir_StrangechesterscottydarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 252
    • FAVS
    debbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaKatie_OConnor_1vatalocaaSir_StrangeiNusku
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeFavstar250vatalocaaSir_StrangeAxenbanedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 210
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotpandeirianfusedudeidiosityhythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskudarrrkstarrr
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSir_StrangedarrrkstarrrCurly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_Karmakazitsm560Triz_1
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 208
    • FAVS
    debbiepsychDrivelodeonfusedudehythemafiaSir_StrangeiNuskuTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    MrLonsterRobotfusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135kcmoore51Fuzzy_KarmakaziSisyphus_13______Neuronicism
    madrigrober
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 151
    • FAVS
    MrLonsterRobotdebbiepsychWordacrobatics1AxenbaneandyfwhiteKellieMouncejaack_swaggeridiosity
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    AxenbaneKellieMouncefusedudedarrrkstarrrTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135Michelle_9693kcmoore51
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.