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  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    This woman sat right next to me when the rest of this bus is empty so I guess we'll watch porn in my phone together.

    • 1,487
    • FAVS
    Trixie_MaroonBrianIncognitopowerpuss_nocturnallymeSinfulShellygirl_a_whirlbillcarson2001Missmacguff
    • 782
    • RETWEETS
    powerpuss_SinfulShellygirl_a_whirljota_paredesihatewiggasjdforshortEnjoyMyButtsdPiratePrincess
    LackOfShameDevinRangeqwertyingjasonlight73Mr_goose007jeffreyvanclea1gidget_76WULFDEANJessiCanadiangreeneyedloon____claysummers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Hi Boss? Yeah, I can't come in today because all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

    • 992
    • FAVS
    StrawberriGinamanofficial201ihatewiggasZainBoltahyjdforshortlife_suckerdPiratePrincessSullivansGurl
    • 523
    • RETWEETS
    kevadiyavishalStrawberriGinjdforshortdPiratePrincessMissLynette13Slave_4_Unovicefathersuperhero_toby
    kevindividual__Roweboat13Gmooturkey________DivorceDad
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish all of you worked with me. We'd have so much fun til we all got fired.

    • 913
    • FAVS
    PMPAfterdarkamanofficial201AliceDoesDallassozjallthewayjdforshortTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessnovicefather
    • 448
    • RETWEETS
    PMPAfterdarksozjallthewayjdforshortTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessMissLynette13hoops_Daddynovicefather
    parupaajVirgoSherryPeaceInTruth1sassymcmelonsjeffreyvanclea1SquareKnightJimmerThatisAll
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

    Me: You're going to have to be more specific.

    • 766
    • FAVS
    ShannonxwndiquotenocturnallymeImTheSheriffImABaconDonutvexroidgirl_a_whirlkid0krew
    • 383
    • RETWEETS
    ImABaconDonutgirl_a_whirlMummaCrazysozjallthewayjdforshortjoeyd8711dPiratePrincessMichele82178556
    4bodingMs_Laserredpawn3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Dude! I recognize that cologne. Alcoholique?

    • 628
    • FAVS
    nocturnallymeBREATHEURSIGHmancera00Just_BCSLMHPhotoggirl_a_whirlKennycruzinlife_sucker
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    kuptownnmancera00Just_BCSLMHPhotoggirl_a_whirlKennycruzinlife_suckerdPiratePrincess
    rutesperanzabossy_bootz
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I wish I knew how normal feels just to gauge how far I am from it.

    • 605
    • FAVS
    gordon_gzmechgirl_a_whirlPMPAfterdarkjump2thamoonTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessnovicefatherpsyaura
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    gordon_gzmechmralkhaldi55girl_a_whirlPMPAfterdarkTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessnovicefatherDrivelodeon
    ShaneSpiralanna2ashes________
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    *tries to take bathroom selfie

    *cleans bathroom instead

    • 488
    • FAVS
    jfreeromeochesterscottygirl_a_whirllife_suckerdPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_Whiskersalaskanthndrfck
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    mralkhaldi55chesterscottygirl_a_whirldPiratePrincessMissLynette13novicefatheralaskanthndrfckjustwanttobeme3
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure I just had what everyone calls a panic attack.

    I just call it 'life'.

    • 392
    • FAVS
    NichollsTerenceDr_powpowthetechmeistergirl_a_whirlStephCvolife_suckerdoctorjanindPiratePrincess
    • 174
    • RETWEETS
    mralkhaldi55Dr_powpowgirl_a_whirldoctorjanindPiratePrincessdeepakrai916novicefatherMc_Whiskers
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I don't want to try to be perfect for you. I want you to love me anyway.

    • 383
    • FAVS
    dPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_WhiskersGryffindor14bsquaredcompskaztharsisScottyd309McChucklenuts
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    dPiratePrincessMc_WhiskerskaztharsisWickedPoseidonMind_fukkLadyMehmaladeenvydatropicDigitalDropz
    JustStooJustinCase1957LeNocturnalist__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    * applying the fuck it send philosophy to the rest of my life

    • 345
    • FAVS
    powerpuss_girl_a_whirllife_suckermotorace177dPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_WhiskersOutOfLeftField_
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    mralkhaldi55girl_a_whirlmotorace177dPiratePrincessdeepakrai916novicefatherSavoirFailkaztharsis
    TheBeerGuy73JimmerThatisAllsassymcmelons
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I am the 7th child of an alcoholic father and a narcoleptic mother. Twitter was inevitable for me.

    • 369
    • FAVS
    Loehnwolfil_y_smpowerpuss_BREATHEURSIGHgirl_a_whirllife_suckermotorace177dPiratePrincess
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    powerpuss_girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessSlave_4_Udeepakrai916novicefatherNeon_Dragondiyer4life32
    RogueGod
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    When is this neighbor kid going to leave so that I can stop pretending to be a normal nice mom???

    • 330
    • FAVS
    TexasMarValpowerpuss_danielhaidrgirl_a_whirllife_suckerdPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_Whiskers
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessMissLynette13novicefathercm_rutviksawrackiA_Brick_ShortKentWGraham
    PattiOShankable__
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    I'm pretty sure the cable guys outside saw me completely naked through the window.

    Or at least that's what I'm hoping anyway.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    Sw00nMasterdPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_Whiskerscm_rutvikKentWGrahamSexy_Polar_BearScottyd309
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    dPiratePrincessMc_WhiskersScottyd309_asshair_Mind_fukkenvydatropicImportantestDigitalDropz
    moreofffme
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Went to a party. Had one glass of wine. Discussed price index formulas. Drove the host's mother home.

    Parties in my 40s suck.

    • 317
    • FAVS
    TexasMarVallillyflower44danielhaidrgirl_a_whirlPMPAfterdarkromerofrrjump2thamoonTXFunGuy6
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    girl_a_whirlTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessGavsonNZMind_fukkSaheed3170envydatropicBeardOfSulu
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    The bad thing about mornings is all the light.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    snarkybbcrissywhetstonelillyflower44danielhaidrgirl_a_whirliamfabrizioGMCP_78doctorjanin
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    crissywhetstonegirl_a_whirltx_tineFavstar250doctorjanindPiratePrincessMissLynette13novicefather
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My addiction counselor said I have to be off twitter for 30 days before it can be called recovery. I made it 9!

    • 303
    • FAVS
    crissywhetstonedanielhaidrlillyflower44girl_a_whirllife_suckerdPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_Whiskers
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessenvydatropicLuvsOralFunLiilMinx5oulhealersfc1953MrLonsterRobot
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    Throwing a tampon at a male coworker's face IS considered sexual harassment. FYI.

    • 282
    • FAVS
    Valpack21Dennis_WalterscipollonskyXalqeedanielhaidrgirl_a_whirlFredPollackjohnnymac10462
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    girl_a_whirlromerofrrCrazzzyKendPiratePrincesscm_rutvikdiyer4life32lovestained555Mind_fukk
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    My son asked me if I could spend the next hour in my bedroom while he and his friend hang out and watch football.

    *sent from my bedroom*

    • 288
    • FAVS
    PMPAfterdarkgibbetjump2thamoonSoberChewbaccaIamnotElizaTXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessnovicefather
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    TXFunGuy6dPiratePrincessMind_fukkenvydatropicLin_BakerUncleBob56Miss_Kris85LuvsOralFun
    peterjames48
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    A paper shredder but for feelings.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    cipollonskydanielhaidrKVRunslillyflower44armyantstudiosgirl_a_whirldPiratePrincessnovicefather
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    cipollonskycrissywhetstonemralkhaldi55girl_a_whirldPiratePrincessMc_WhiskersKentWGrahamMind_fukk
  • maddyalou
      Madeleine @maddyalou

    OMG. The voices in my head are gone! --me the morning after I killed my old twitter account.

    • 221
    • FAVS
    dPiratePrincessnovicefatherMc_Whiskersjcc1223GrumpyBahrShitNoSherlockenvydatropicmil_h0use
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    dPiratePrincessenvydatropicLuvsOralFun5oulhealerMrLonsterRobotfusedudeTlaxBoy05Curly_gurl135
    madrigrober
@maddyalou

@maddyalou

Coffee, wine, repeat. 48 yo. Maddyalou on IG.

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