Daughter's going for the gold in the whine-olympics. Good volume, pitch. Haven't seen a clingy-maneuver like that since '84. Overall: 9.6

Dinner w/ 4 year old devolves into Star Wars-ish dramatics:

"I am your father!"

"Noooo! I'll never listen to you!"

Sigh. Rebel scum.

The first rule of insomnia club is you're too tired. To talk. About insomnia club.

If I was a rapper, my name would be 'Unicorn Killah'.

Funny how it was a Wikileaked cable that jumpstarted democracy in the Middle East, not the Iraq war.

Just... putting that out there.

Wearing a "No Uglys[sic] Allowed" t-shirt is embarassing enough. Wearing it to the same coffee shop two days in a row: that's klassy.

Glenn Beck is like that freshman boy in your Philosophy 101 class who read The Fountainhead in high school and won't. shut. the. fuck. up.

Whatever John McCain says nowadays, my brain is like "But you picked Sarah Palin. Your argument is invalid."

You have to give a homeless guy holding up a sign saying 'I will fuck you for marijuana' some points for optimism.

I'm not so much losing a tooth as gaining an opportunity to practice resisting enhanced interrogation techniques.

OH: "I don't think I want to be high *and* on fire."

Heather Has Two Mommies, Three Daddies, And Someone Else Who Lives In The Basement. #failedchildrensbooktitles

Relax everybody. If you aren't legally required to take certain medications, you've basically won at life. #loweryourexpectations

I'm like a chocoholic, but for books. For beer, too, but I'm pretty sure that's not a thing.

Whenever I feel productive after writing a lot of emails, the ghost of some ancestor quickly steps in to punch me in my shame glands.

Though Michael Jackson himself did not become a zombie in the end, his celebrity has.

I like my music like I like my coffee: intense, with profoundly ambivalent emotional currents swirling under a foamy exterior.

I appear to be watching a reality show about an exterminator. I think it's time for civilization to turn in its credentials and go home.

I'm the cat lady of books.

Watching my daughter 'exercise' on the kitchen floor gives me insight into why belief in demonic possession was once commonplace.