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If a guy starts talking to me about how much money he has I just assume he's trying to compensate for a penis the size of a cheeto
Straight up told a some dude tonight that I was gonna puke in his shirt pocket if he kept talking
Don't think I'll ever understand the notion that it's romantic to have to work to make a person love you
I think it's great that you dance naked to Jamaican music
I can hardly speak English and struggle to reduce simple fractions how did I get into university
Valley girls givin blow jobs for Louboutins whatchu call dat? Head ova heels
I fink u freeky and I like u a lot
I could be laying next to anyone but I'm still thinkin' 'bout you
A random boy just asked me if he could kiss me in the library and then gave me a Hershey's chocolate kiss like you rock don't ever change
We were spilling wine on your best friend’s bed when I said this was ridiculous and you kissed me just because you knew it'd shut me up
Don't ask why I'm washing dishes and listening to just can't wait to be king because I do not know
What's the difference between me and you? You talk a good one but you don't do what you're supposed to do
Remember that time a cab driver told me the key to aging well is to have a lot of sex and stay away from hard drugs?
Two guys tried hitting on Megan and I asking if we're from the north and we said "oh fuck ya baud we're just out for a rip dere"
To the middle aged woman sitting next to me in lecture who is playing solitaire on her iPad and doodling... Be my friend
Da flu sucks I just wanna eat bacon
It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? instagram: maggieemills