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In the new version of Star Wars, Harrison Ford slowly flies the Millenium Falcon in the left lane with the turn signal on
Rosetta Stone,but for Pearl Jam songs
What kind of drugs do I want? The kind that made Jethro Tull say,"you know what this song needs? A 15 minute flute solo."
"Musically,I was inspired by the fax machine." - Nicki Minaj
Channing Tatum looks like the kinda guy who gets confused by how the light in a fridge works
Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes
Relationship status: looking for someone to mock other people with
I'd pay good money to watch Kristen Stewart and Nicolas Cage on a date trying to sound out the kids menu at an Olive Garden
"See that guy?,he can't get a boner."
"See her? fucking batshit crazy"
"This guy? makes meth"
- me as a pharmacist training a new employee
Fast and Furious 6 is just Vin Diesel and Paul Walker trying to find a parking spot at the mall on the last weekend before christmas
BREAKING: 84 year old powerball winner to be paid in Werthers Originals
Stevie go to Thailand
Stevie pay for hooker
Stevie feels what might be a penis
"My hobbies include staring at the sun through a telescope" - Renee Zellweger
the irony of a country outlawing homosexuality who's two biggest claims to fame are ballet and figure skating is not lost on me Russia
I hope the fucking Jehovah Witnesses never discover twitter
Detroit buys a $50K statue of RoboCop AND files for chapter 9 bankruptcy.Who's running that city,fucking MC Hammer?
I bet Guy Fieri cooks the fuck outa rock cocaine
Trying to name that third chick from Destinys Child is harder than doing quantum physics
Twerking or as Michael J Fox calls it "bending over to tie his shoes"
In any converstion with a vegetarian I always use the phrase "FUN FACT:Hitler was a vegan too...."and then we both sit in awkward silence