Women who fake orgasms should be w/ the men who fake the whole relationship.

Boobie Pencil Test: You put a pencil under your boobs. If they are perky, the pencil drops. If they are saggy, then it holds it in place.

The hardest part of you fits in the softest part of me.

If you're gonna eat my heart out, start between my thighs.

If you suck at blowjobs... don't worry, you're doing it right.

Even a strong woman needs the arms of a stronger man to hold her... and tell her, everything will be alright.

I'm a good girl, deep inside. Waaay deep inside. It takes a good man to tap into it.

My bonus feature is my vagina.

Good girls blush during sex scenes in the movies... Bad girls smile because they know they can do better.

You're innocent... until they find your Twitter account.

Forever is a long time. Make sure to spend it with someone who makes you giggle.

I wouldn't change a thing... except the distance between us.

Confidence is so much louder when you're quiet about it.

Seven magical words every guy wants to hear from a girl:
"You can put it anywhere you want"

You have the kind of face that my thighs want to squeeze.

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

I surround myself w/ intelligent friends. They're like my personal google.

Most parents do their best parenting infront of other people.

If the turkey doesn't moan, you're stuffing it wrong.

Tease me once, shame on you. Tease me twice, shame on me. Tease me three times... you better put it in.