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I think the only reason we still have a landline is so I can call & find my mobile approx 3 times a day
I'm ticking items off my procrastination list like there's no tomorrow
the state I'm in, I should probably not be handling 95% alcohol to make limoncello *turns cooker off and lights fag*
I am beginning to think you people are making stuff up.... carry on though, I really enjoy it.
my 5yr old to a 15yr old girl. Him: you're hot. Her: what do you mean? Him: I can feel your heat. Her: phewww!
Can I drink this vodka in less than 9.5s? I'm up for it. Let's go!!!!
husband and wife are wishing each other "Happy Anniversary! xxx" on FB. They are probably sitting next to each other on the settee FFS
When I get sales calls like "do you want to save money?" Saying, "I found Jesus, he can save your soul, let's chat " really works.
like so many women with weight problems, there is a slim woman inside me, but I manage to keep the bitch quiet with a little snack
My friend and I are in the garden training hard for the synchronised chair reclining event. We are almost ready for the Olympics.
I really should go to bed, but fuck it, I'm going outside. Those happy chirpy birds that wake me up at 4 am are in for an early surprise.
I have NO idea what you are all talking about!
Lost my son in the pirate's training camp in legoland. I'd say result, but as he has my tel no they'll eventually return him to me
I am retweeting as a kind of shorthand
the first rule about craft club is that you never, ever talk about craft club, or boobs
The odd bunting is cute, but this is just too much. I'm going out and I've got my flamethrower backpack on. BuntingBuster for hire.
at bookclub, my insightful comment on the last book we chose was: it had too many words. They love me really...
thought about deleting and editing the last tweet. Baileys 1 - Me 0
fuck bunnies, I want a rabbit for Easter