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When I see branches in a vase in a magazine they look like art and when I place branches in a vase they look like, well, sticks in a vase.
I love you people. I don't know, nor do I care to learn what Favstar is or does. You get stars b/c you make me laugh or you touch my heart.
I need someone to explain "Inception" to me in 140 characters or less. Also, the last season of "Lost."
In case you are wondering how my life is going, I just followed Life Advice on Twitter.
Hospitals are exhausting. If you aren't half-dead when you get there, you will be when you leave.
There is a chemical* making me fat? Gravy*
Him: You should come with a warning label. Me: Contents Under Pressure?
My girlfriend shaved her legs out of a red Solo cup while I drove us to Little Rock. (You guys seem pretty normal.)
Accidentally drove up on the curb at the library and scared the hell out of some teenagers. (Library~building where one can borrow books.)
Me: I'm 42, which means I'm, uh, let me see, two 21's! I'm fabulous! Him: How will you handle the math at 43? Me: Eh...I'm pretty, right?
My method for voting: 1) locate the person I despise; 2) vote for the other guy. Found this to be particularly helpful w/ local candidates.
The only way tomorrow could be worse than today: I will be beaten with socks full of oranges.
Sweet Jesus. I stumbled upon Shelob's lair. I've hit it with a broom, sprayed it with poison, and shrieked at it. Next: flame thrower.
I am mourning the passing of my youth. (Bought myself perfume at Rue21)
Walmart on the day before a Razorback game? I feel stabby.
Anthony Bourdain has a new graphic novel. Is Paula Deen the super villain?
"Jada Pinkett Smith gave up rock dreams for kids." Mmmmkay. She #soundslike someone trying to cram a cat into a bucket of water.