Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If I kept your secret, your secret was boring
My husband does this annoying thing where it turns out he's right after I specifically told him he wasn't
The british put ugly people on TV like they don't give a fuck
I'm no scientist, but when you choke for no reason, it's because a ghost just came in your mouth
After my drafts folder is read aloud at my funeral, I'd like for one of you to initiate a slow clap
It's so uncool that there are really old people born in the same year as me
Changing careers is a great way to find out what else you're not good at
Instead of stretching after my workout, I fell asleep on the floor and instead of working out, I also fell asleep on the floor :(
When my kids say something funny I star them in real life by looking up from my phone for a second
Why do today what you can put off until it becomes irrelevant and you don't have to do it anymore?
”Instead of asking anyone, I'll just Google it” -Not enough people
Every day I look at my kids and think about how lucky I am that they don't get along well enough to band together and overthrow me
87% of my thirties has been spent looking for my next place to sit down
”Nothing I do matters.” -Antimatter
Thanks to Kirk Cameron, I'm feeling pretty confident in my decision to be left behind
I'm on favstar now! That's the terminal stage of this addiction, right?
The follow back feels a lot like a pity fuck and I'm surprisingly OK with that
I never feel more betrayed than when someone takes me up on my offer to help
You can do whatever the fuck you want to me as long as you do it in an Irish accent
I'm at my most religious when I'm able to find the remote without moving