Allergies are a cruel reminder that plants are having sex right now, and I'm not.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix #WhyISupportOccupy

Holy shit. Rick Perry got booed for suggesting that immigrants can become contributors to society. This crowd is nuts.

Normal People: "YAY GAY MARRIAGE" | Evil People: "THEY'LL LET YOU MARRY HORSES TOMORROW!"

Our grandkids will just walk around with iPad-48's loaded with 12 terabytes of SomeECards and flash them at each other to communicate.

Just remember that most of you are willing to fork over $6 for 24oz of sugar from Starbucks while whining about $3.89 for 1 gallon of gas.

Steven Colbert once talked about how reality has a liberal bias. Sandy is now occupying Wall Street. Good job, Mother Nature.

@mccainblogette Sunlight is way overrated. Night Owls are smarter people anyway according to this: http://bit.ly/boNrGY

It's Rapture Day! Jesus will pop out of his hole in the ground and if he sees his shadow it means 6 more weeks of awful rapture jokes.

Does the 5 second rule apply when I drop it like it's hot?

wtf why would you eat butterflies before asking someone out?

12-year old Kaitlynn Chavez is reported missing. Didn't come home after school. If you have any details contact Gilbert PD 480-503-6500

Americans have turned St. Patrick's Day into St. Valentine's Day but for alcohol. This is why we can't have nice things.

Everyone thinks Jesus is supposed to come twice but I think the bitch is faking it.

Adele has reduced her haters to only being able to make jokes about her weight. Pack it in, you've got no leg to stand on. #oscars2013

There's DM spamming going around. Starts with "hey someone is posting really NASTY tweets about you..." with a t.co link. Beware of it!

This had better fucking get me elbow-deep in white girls pic.twitter.com/UTZWQ3vbZq

Outside observers likely see the irony of American's celebrating Independence Day while we have NDAA, the PATRIOT Act, and the War on Drugs.

You can support the acts of bravery from our troops without having to support the reasons they were deployed.

Guys, I think its working. Only about 500 more tweets that mention "thoughts & prayers" until the water recedes and the buildings are fixed.