Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Math problems are not your problems. You cannot solve for x. You are x. The universe will solve you in time, like all mortal men. Resist
1. Remove from packaging.
2. Microwave 2 minutes on HIGH.
3. You had dreams once.
4. You used to laugh.
5. Evenly spread cream cheese icing.
2. Defrost at 30% for 1 min.
3. Turn sandwich, heat on HIGH for 50 seconds.
4. Note reflection in oven door.
5. You will never be younger.
1. Set oven to 375°
2. Place tater tots evenly on pan.
3. Was it your fault? Her fault?
4. Does it even matter?
5. Glumly turn those tots.
HOW TO NEVER FORGET:
1) Always remember
3) If you start to forget, stop
4) Remember that you're forgetting
* Peel back cover, stir peas.
* Heat for 1-2 more minutes.
* Let stand for 1 min.
* Use that minute to think. Look at your LIFE, man.
1. Add pouch to boiling water.
2. Whisk until smooth.
3. Whiskey until you
4. forget her and the
5. way she cried your
6. name making love.
WHO LET MY FLAWS OUT
not overexert yourself. Start slowly and work your way up to more vigorous sleeping. Gradually increase hours slept until dead
1. Ask opposing team politely for football.
2. Hold it daintily like a purse.
3. Wave like a giant girl!
4. Stroll casually to the end zone.
1. Impregnate teen girl by telepathy.
2. Send her into exile with elderly husband.
3. Induce birth in barn.
4. Have wise men bring perfume.
DO NOT PANIC! Snow day procedures:
* Procure money
* Procure hos
* Procure gin and juice
* Lose gin, juice, money to hos
1. Add boiling water to flakes.
2. Stir in butter.
3. Think about love.
4. Why you can't accept it.
5. That's why they leave.
6. Every time.
New Years Resolutions:
1. 1024 x 768
2. 1280 x 800
3. 1366 x 768
4. 1440 x 900
5. Fewer threatening letters to the estate of Fred Rogers.
1. Place in microwave.
2. Set timer for 2:45.
3. Remember that day at the beach and how beautiful she was.
4. Let pizza rest for one minute.
seasoning packet over noodles; stir. Cover box, let sit for 2 minutes. Look at yourself reflected in the microwave. You had dreams once.
GUY 1: I totally reinvented the wheel.
GUY 2: It's just a circle made of cocaine.
GUY 1: I know.
STEPHEN HAWKING: I love it.
2. Cut 1-inch slit in overwrap.
3. Heat for 2 mins.
4. Pause with hand on microwave oven door.
5. That's what loneliness smells like
quiet desperation of those who wait in the rain, smoking and nervous about nothing but existence and when they might next see a mime