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7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People
So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?
You need someone to save you? To make everything right in your life again? Stand the fuck up & go to the mirror. There's your savior.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing.
I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom
Yeah, a twitter crush a half a world away is a great idea. Because apparently, emotionally unavailable just isnt enough for me.
There should be an app that, in the event of your death, your phone will seek the nearest toilet & submerge itself, destroying all evidence
If youve never called ur kid in from 3 rooms away to ask him to hand you something that was 10 ft from you, you'e not doing parenting right
Dear This Generation, You guys are welcome to step up & make some real goddamn music anytime now.. any fucking time
I just returned from a mile long walk in your shoes and well, I still think you're a douche
Actually, I'm probably the least judgemental person ever. You could fist fuck a donkey in Central Park & I just figure you have your reasons
50 Shades of Buy a Real Fucking Book
Opportunity may knock only once ..... but temptation seems to sit outside on your lawn all day staring you down
Apparently, "Press 1 for English" is now code for "Transfer me to someone in India who can fuck this up for you in a big way"
Sometimes the funniest people are burying the deepest of pain - Let's try to remember that about each other around here
Don't judge my motives based on your own insecurities
Most problems can be solved with 2 words
- either saying it or doing it - sometimes both
In the entire history of the word 'Fine' - it has never been used by a woman to mean everything is good
New fave thing to do: Tell the person at the 2nd window at the drive thru that the person at the 1st window is talking some shit about them
My ass: There's a slap for that
I'm just here for the fisting. This ... http://marebytes.blogspot.com - should make you think twice... I wish I was making this shit up