If this LSU-Bama game is "The Game Of The Century" we are in for some painfully boring football for the next 89 years.

If you hate the new Facebook Timeline so much that you're willing to use IE7 to prevent from seeing it, you don't deserve the internet.

"Let's get it started" is a fantastic way to mark the halfway point of any major event. #superbowl #blackeyedpeas

I think we all agree that Brad Pitt should be the Cubs' new GM.

Wait...why did Bobby Jindal release his birth certificate? Is this something all of us brown people have to do now?

Mark Zuckerberg is at the #NYKnicks game. He must have heard there's an Asian from Harvard who somehow isn't working for Facebook.

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor! #MegaMillionsNotHungerGames

Basically, if no one gives you Dr. Seuss's "Oh, The Place's You'll Go" when you graduate, no one loves you.

So @MyDamnChannel launched your new favorite blog today: @Slacktory. Get in on it now before the hipsters get there: http://slacktory.com

My ultimate goal is to become a Thought Leader in the "Thought Leader" space.

On average of five times a day, the theme song to the SNL sketch "What up with that?" sketch plays in my head. #TheMoreYouKnow

Help you turn the soil in your garden so that weeds don't have a chance to germinate! #ThatsWhatHoesDo

Just saw awful thing: someone passed away this afternoon & friends who don't know are still playing Farmville with him. What is this world?

The @TacoBell research paid off. The @MyDamnChannel office is celebrating Cinco De Mayo early with Los Doritos Locos! http://t.co/sETebBDb

Saw a baby & thought "Bet that baby smells good." So my biological clock is ticking hard or I'm turning into the witch from Hansel & Gretel.

So much is happening tomorrow: #MyDamnChannelLIVE with @TheBethHoyt @friedmanjon @CoopOfTheDamned @McMayhemShow and "You Rock At Photoshop!"

I know I'd survive The Hunger Games because I've already gone through my social circles & made a prioritized list of the people I'd kill.

If you ever really want to amuse yourself search for "Ty Pennington quotes."

I don't think I'm supposed to have a favorite #SUBWAYFreshArtists series, but if I DID it would probably be this one: http://t.co/1XEM66PL

Just learned that something called a "Cheese-Sculpting Artist" exists while watching @benhuh and @gracehelbig on @WhatsTrending. #moreUknow