Anyone ever stuffed a pringles can with jello or pudding and tried fucking it?

Barely made an acct and I already have to shit!

I literally fucking hate everything in existence.

Let's spray some of that breath freshener in your vag.

It's not considered rape if you're just licking it.

My favorite part of being on my period is putting used tampons in random places.
Like, under your pillow.

The worst part of trying to lose weight is all the fucking pizza i just ordered.

Sometimes I like to test my chances of getting pink eye. Don't ask me how.

I love when kids and animals fall asleep with their tongues out, gives me a chance to get head without taking a shower first.

I feel a soft serve turd coming.

Please tell me you're uncircumcised and don't wash under the foreskin! That's totally my fetish!

Queef = Labia Burp

If a girl says she can't queef on command, she's either a liar or a virgin.

just followed all my followers back, except that 12 yr old fag that probably calls his truck the Bro-Dozer.

Why does my office smell like shit? I guess I should wash my pants.

You know you have a loose pussy when you have to hold in queefs with every step.

Sucks trying to fart when you have to pee real bad. Fuck it, I'll just piss my pants. That's a good excuse to leave work.

Finally took that long awaited shit!

What's the longest you've sat on a toilet waiting for turds to fall out of your ass?

If you say Twitter is boring, you're obviously not doing it right.