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  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Sometimes I like to tweet from my cell phone to make people think I left the house.

    • 163
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3ArroiaSouthrnDelovely__JuelzVenturaLeaMehannamaddie11_AndersMyViciousMindYesitsAl
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    YesitsAlkirbys4losers____nativerogueCanadianCynaawanharisMasquerage________HellsBelle84NelRock777
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    The best part about having a job is being able to tell people you can't do stuff with them because of work.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3shannonsingArroiarainingtbird1knotwholemrtruthandsoul9DaysOldDrangula
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    chefmichaelbbnativerogue_repulsivegamesMOOlissaCOWhounTheRealCAnTAMasquerage________MaruBeanA_t_o_m_s_k
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    If you still answer an upcoming call before you finish a tweet, you're not one of us.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3whatchamafuckitDukeOfOyl________shannonsingArroia3383262245219ChemBtwnUs________emceej
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    shannonsing3383262245219favstar1000favsJandalizeTeeJayThePrinceKirsty_RhindPatty_Graceextirpate
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Real men don't cry. Their eyes sweat with relief sometimes.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3Arroiarainingtbird1knotwholeAh_kee_oh________DrangulaMisanthroat__kittenishcutie
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    luckycartelkirbys4losers____maulifuffThe_RedSheepdogNotEazlyBroke_NFavstar500Favshottampagirljungle
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    No one makes better plans than I do when I'm drunk.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    SirrruhNecropedophile3SouthrnDelovely__rainingtbirdDaniel_Watkins_djdavemichaelsmartianhaiku______RobbieJGeorge
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    itsBRANDYbitchzNecropedophile3rainingtbirdPretty_Vapidthagr8short1Bunnydurdenstellasev7169skullcatsmoved____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I'm so hungry that I could eat without looking at my phone.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    GopanubistheawkwardfulA_CommandantJackclemens1Necropedophile3Arroiasbsperlingrainingtbird
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    GopanubisNecropedophile3dragon8980_ilpo_sreenandasharmaMartinMurtagh____dmpluslFavstar500Favs
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Now I know why I'm so bad with names. I don't give a fuck.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3ArroiarainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________megbada__________DrangulanativerogueRiddlingDreams
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Masquerage________motorlyingjbb0823__Favstar_NSFWCarter_TCBThe_SculptressmrtruthandsoulFragileFriend____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Nothing says patience like putting your penis in a small hole in the ground and wait for an earthquake to give you a climax.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3ArroiaAh_kee_oh________megbada__________nativerogueCanadianCynMasquerage________verinai
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    HellsBelle84ThatGirlJesseeFavstar_NSFWThe_SculptressBeautifulVixen1osigatsoul_occupance68_mad____________
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Twitter: because I hate real people.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3Haleys_Hell______mochanyacarmilla_k_bindingtwinemagicmoonchild____PoorEvelyn________Fallun_Angel
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmagicmoonchild____Fallun_AngelAh_kee_oh________HerNameIsNkisalter82CertifiablySanemelizeche
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I respect vodka drinkers. They drink to get drunk.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3rainingtbirdBunnydurdenJandalizemegbada__________BGnarleyMadToTalkUnsatiatedVixen
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsAskauntbobmrtruthandsoulDarlaCooksmsmichaelleCocktailCarey____jillsmoQueenofWhine______
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I have the lowest patience level ever, but when it gets to shaving my balls, I am the Dalai lama.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3amymwolferainingtbirdLaffingGUYAh_kee_oh________kittenishcutieheadsnackJamesWartooth
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    jkstrainerFavstar500Favskirbys4losers_____j19_Lisa_Laughs_ReDHeaDeDTaRT____TrickDaWeedBearAuthenticGAguy
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I lost a swimming race to a 9 years old girl, and now trying to convince myself that I'm not a chain smoker but she's a dolphin in disguise.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3amymwolfeimabbylouiseChemBtwnUs________violet_heartinGlimmeringDawnAh_kee_oh________megbada__________
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinFavstar500FavsJandalizeosigathaggis_loverFacundFiascoWhoUFeelinThe_Sculptress
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I'm out with my friends having a great time looking at my phone.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    GopanubisNecropedophile3takemeback2OZrainingtbirdCourageDRLaffingGUYAh_kee_oh________megbada__________
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    GopanubisNecropedophile3nativeroguePrincessDRah__68_mad____________jannyj82fluffysuseBeaRoxanne
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Can't wait to see my shrink tonight at 9. He will be treating me from behind his long wooden desk, that some people call it a "bar".

    • 43
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3Ah_kee_oh________megbada__________PlatinumOpinionHuwLaytonCuddleboobies____nativerogueBWithbacon
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    PlatinumOpiniondigimani36Cuddleboobies____nativerogueBWithbaconCanadianCynLaffingGUYFragileFriend____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    What am I supposed to do with my new egg follower? Get a chicken to sit on it until it hatches?

    • 40
    • FAVS
    OhratuuNecropedophile3ArroiarainingtbirdHaleys_Hell______Fallun_AngelYesitsAlosigat
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    SilverBadgermaddie11_AndersAh_kee_oh________mrtruthandsouljehujeniKevdotKnatsincapetownMsSugar_Kisses____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    The world would be a better place if instead of the handshake, we shake each other's genitals.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3rainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________megbada__________CanadianCynMasquerage________HellsBelle84hurlarious
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    rainingtbirdSamsaHotelHellsBelle84Classy_Cassy89____BeautifulVixen1osigatmrtruthandsoulroggyie
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Alcohol, because I lost the ability to connect emotionally to any other human being.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    9DaysOldSuadShammaIgniting_Sparks__sHaRD__Ah_kee_oh________TattooedMiseryFredPollackbossybutfair
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    grammar_cuntJuan_77bossybutfairThe_Dorkstercrimson_n_aquamrtruthandsoulaawanharis
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    You're not done shitting until you pee again. Think about it.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    rainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________CanadianCynMasquerage________The_SculptressHaleys_Hell______jaslakhmnasnickychick
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    DrKroenenkirbys4losers_____gmkh3ll0d0llyFragileFriend____mrtruthandsoulynot_lunchbox77BluntSharpness
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I googled myself because I don't know who I am anymore.

    • 34
    • FAVS
    rainingtbirdHaleys_Hell______Fallun_AngelendrunklopediaIrishVinsnickychickosigattonguegiant
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    MsSugar_Kisses____Hobopornstar______outasync66ladyjazsjunkmonstabrat________CrackHeadOrgy____F_YourMindmrtruthandsoul
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Wear your phone clipped to your belt and you don't have to worry about STDs.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    Ah_kee_oh________RiddlingDreamsCanadianCynjasefaceILMSophieGrammeshahidsengaAglac1JihadPizza
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    jasefaceILMLordSayFuckALot__Masquerage________the_grumpy_oneReDHeaDeDTaRT____DapperDan007
@mariosmoussa

@mariosmoussa

I live in a world where sheep are insomniac and they count jumping humans.