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  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Sometimes I like to tweet from my cell phone to make people think I left the house.

    • 163
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______ArroiaSouthrnDelovely__JuelzVenturaLeaMehannamaddie11_AndersMyViciousMindYesitsAl
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    YesitsAlkirbys4losers____nativerogueCanadianCynaawanharisMasquerage________HellsBelle84NelRock777
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    The best part about having a job is being able to tell people you can't do stuff with them because of work.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______shannonsingArroiarainingtbird1knotwholemrtruthandsoul9DaysOldDrangula
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    chefmichaelbbnativerogue_repulsivegamesMOOlissaCOWhounTheRealCAnTAMasquerage________MaruBean____A_t_o_m_s_k
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    If you still answer an upcoming call before you finish a tweet, you're not one of us.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______whatchamafuckitDukeOfOyl________shannonsingArroia83262245219ChemBtwnUs________emceej
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    shannonsing83262245219favstar1000favsJandalizeTeeJayThePrinceKirsty_RhindPatty_GraceOzTheSon
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    No one makes better plans than I do when I'm drunk.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    efmartinez12AnnMitchellMcDBeth22Flowerstommy_murray15jmoneyOGTina_LayneSirrruhJooryZoghby______
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    kodi_rcastrozombies__jmoneyOGTina_LayneitsBRANDYbitchzJooryZoghby______rainingtbirdPretty_Vapid
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Real men don't cry. Their eyes sweat with relief sometimes.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______Arroiarainingtbird1knotwholeAh_kee_oh________DrangulaMisanthroat__kittenishcutie
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    luckycartelkirbys4losers____maulifuffThe_RedSheepdogNotEazlyBroke_NFavstar500Favshottampagirljungle
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I'm so hungry that I could eat without looking at my phone.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    GopanubistheawkwardfulA_CommandantJackclemens1JooryZoghby______Arroiasbsperlingrainingtbird
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    GopanubisJooryZoghby______dragon8980_ilpo_sreenandasharmaMartinMurtagh____dmpluslFavstar500Favs
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Now I know why I'm so bad with names. I don't give a fuck.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______ArroiarainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________megbada__________DrangulanativerogueTwistingShadows
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Masquerage________motorlyingjbb0823__Favstar_NSFWCarter_TCBThe_SculptressmrtruthandsoulFragileFriend____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Twitter: because I hate real people.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    Tina_LayneJooryZoghby______Haleys_Hell______mochanyacarmilla_k_bindingtwinemagicmoonchild____PoorEvelyn________
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmagicmoonchild____Fallun_Angel__Ah_kee_oh________HerNameIsNkisalter82CertifiablySanemelizeche
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Nothing says patience like putting your penis in a small hole in the ground and wait for an earthquake to give you a climax.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______ArroiaAh_kee_oh________megbada__________nativerogueCanadianCynMasquerage________verinai
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    HellsBelle84jesseethatgirlFavstar_NSFWThe_SculptressBeautifulVixen1__osigatsoul_occupance68_mad____________
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I respect vodka drinkers. They drink to get drunk.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______rainingtbirdBunnydurdenJandalizemegbada__________BGnarleyMadToTalkUnsatiatedVixen
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsAskauntbobmrtruthandsoulDarlaCooksmsmichaelle__CocktailCarey____jillsmoQueenofWhine______
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I have the lowest patience level ever, but when it gets to shaving my balls, I am the Dalai lama.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______amymwolferainingtbirdLaffingGUYAh_kee_oh________kittenishcutieheadsnackJamesWartooth
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    jkstrainerFavstar500Favskirbys4losers_____j19___Lisa_Laughs_ReDHeaDeDTaRT____TrickDaWeedBearAuthenticGAguy
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I lost a swimming race to a 9 years old girl, and now trying to convince myself that I'm not a chain smoker but she's a dolphin in disguise.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______amymwolfeimabbylouiseChemBtwnUs________violet_heartinGlimmeringDawnAh_kee_oh________megbada__________
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinFavstar500FavsJandalizeosigat_haggisFacundFiascoWhoUFeelinThe_Sculptress
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I'm out with my friends having a great time looking at my phone.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    GopanubisJooryZoghby______takemeback2OZrainingtbirdCourageDRLaffingGUYAh_kee_oh________megbada__________
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    GopanubisJooryZoghby______nativeroguePrincessDRah__68_mad____________jannyj82fluffysuseBeaRoxanne
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Can't wait to see my shrink tonight at 9. He will be treating me from behind his long wooden desk, that some people call it a "bar".

    • 43
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______Ah_kee_oh________megbada__________PlatinumOpinionHuwLaytonCuddleboobies____nativerogueBWithbacon
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    PlatinumOpiniondigimani36Cuddleboobies____nativerogueBWithbaconCanadianCynLaffingGUYFragileFriend____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Alcohol, because I lost the ability to connect emotionally to any other human being.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    Tina_LaynebrittttttanyannRollie33Camyashsavi86aikkia2001iGreenMonktwooneohhNJFreudian
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    CandiceCaputoREReneeDwarkadasRollie33CamTinted_dusttwooneohhNJFreudiangrammar_cuntSlightlySlySA
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    What am I supposed to do with my new egg follower? Get a chicken to sit on it until it hatches?

    • 40
    • FAVS
    OhratuuJooryZoghby______ArroiarainingtbirdHaleys_Hell______Fallun_Angel__YesitsAlosigat
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    SilverBadgermaddie11_AndersAh_kee_oh________mrtruthandsouljehujeniKevdotKnatsincapetownMsSugar_Kisses____
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    The world would be a better place if instead of the handshake, we shake each other's genitals.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    JooryZoghby______rainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________megbada__________CanadianCynMasquerage________HellsBelle84hurlarious
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    rainingtbirdSamsaHotelHellsBelle84Classy_Cassy89____BeautifulVixen1__osigatmrtruthandsoulroggyie
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    I googled myself because I don't know who I am anymore.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    Tina_LaynerainingtbirdHaleys_Hell______Fallun_Angel__endrunklopediaIrishVinsnickuousosigat
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Tina_LayneMsSugar_Kisses____Hobopornstar______outasync66ladyjazsjunkmonstabrat________CrackHeadOrgy____F_YourMind
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    You're not done shitting until you pee again. Think about it.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    rainingtbirdAh_kee_oh________CanadianCynMasquerage________The_SculptressHaleys_Hell______jaslakhmnasnickuous
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    DrKroenenkirbys4losers_____gmkh3ll0d0llyFragileFriend____mrtruthandsoulynot_lunchbox77BluntSharpness
  • mariosmoussa
      Marios @mariosmoussa

    Wear your phone clipped to your belt and you don't have to worry about STDs.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    Ah_kee_oh________TwistingShadowsCanadianCynjasefaceILMSophieGrammeshahidsengaAglac1JihadPizza
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    jasefaceILMLordSayFuckALot__Masquerage________the_grumpy_oneReDHeaDeDTaRT____DapperDan007
@mariosmoussa

@mariosmoussa

I live in a world where sheep are insomniac and they count jumping humans.