It was awfully nice of Kanye to let 2009 finish.

The hardest part about learning how to swim was figuring out how to open the burlap sack from the inside.

Mirror mirror on the wall, in the dark you appeared to be a hall.

I think I'll watch a movie where Denzel Washington has a gun and becomes upset with someone at some point.

Man, these pumps aren't _exactly_ flattering, but, I'm SO tall now.

If you're telekenetic and you know it clap my hands.

If you name your daughter Chastity, you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment.

I think you may have used apathy in the wrong context, not that it matters.

People in crack houses never throw rocks.

I have to say, the instrructions for this "self-lobotomy" kit are intimidating as hell. Nevermind, I think we're gggggggg

Sometimes I worry that I don't even know Dr. Dre anymore; it's like he's not the same old G, despite his protests to the contrary.

I mean, if it were me stuck in the desert with nobody to talk to but a horse, that bastard would probably have a name in no time.

You could play a very mean joke on a skydiver if you had a GIANT low resolution topography map.

In third grade handwriting class I calmly asked the hot teaching assistant if my "but" looked good.

If you liked then you should have put a lid on it. #leftovers

Is "I'm not certain you're ready for that" an appropriate response to "May I search your vehicle?"

Is "Bong Jovial" already a cover band name?

You always hear about how "you can't keep a good man down" but never about how many kicks to take a mediocre man out.

6 more DM's and this slot machine should finally pay out.

I'm awfully proud of myself for not allowing my lack of creativity fuck with my lack of motivation today. This takes talent folks.