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@marleymarley's most faved Tweets...
marleymarley
This underwear must really want to be innerwear. Today shall go down in panty-history as 'The Big Dig.'
@marleymarley
marleymarley
CLEANUP, AISLE 'MY PANTS'
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Whenever I think I'm the unluckiest girl ever, I just remind myself of all the poor, starving children in my basement.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
It's 'Starve a cold' and 'Feed a swollen throbbing uterus lots of carbs', right?
@marleymarley
marleymarley
I just found the most magical word. It's called 'no'. IT'S AWESOME.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
GUYS!! Sugar is PHENOMENAL!!!!! I can't feel my butt!
@marleymarley
marleymarley
It's such a good thing that being this dorky doesn't hurt.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Dear Twitter: I just haven't been feeling witty lately. So sue me.


PS: You're mom's still a whore.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Ah, an evening of being tutored in math- as lovely as a warm fart in the mouth.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
I like my coffee like I like my men: a) orally. b) pounded down my throat. c) easy. d) stupid. e) administered anally with a turkey baster.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
If being on a conference call all afternoon is wrong, then I don't want to be wrong. Please. (whimper)
@marleymarley
marleymarley
A blueberry just fell onto the floor somewhere under me. I'm afraid to roll my chair back for fear of squashing it. I'll be here a while.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
I forgot my hand sanitizer when I went to the DMV, & everyone acted like they'd never seen a girl do everything with her feet before.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Deli sandwich = onion hands. I'm still a pretty, pretty princess though.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
I don't think of the conspicuous deodorant marks on my t-shirt so much a faux pas as a reassurance to all that I'm not as gross as I look.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
All the lonely people just showed up at starbux and HAHAHA JOKE'S ON YOU I'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY AND I HAVE THE NICE SEAT NEXT TO THE OUTLET.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
I'd much rather have minstrel cramps.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
PSA: I shaved my legs AND my armpits, and that's just about all the 'bowing down to the man' I'm willing to do today.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Is it just me or is the old gray mare just not what she used to be? Like, not even close.
@marleymarley
marleymarley
Struggling to give a shit. Not in the toilet sense of the expression. This time.
@marleymarley
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