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My mom hates Drunk In Love bc she doesn't know who's taking care of Blue if they're both drunk
''You were such a good baby. I would leave you alone for hours on end and you'd be fine'' -my mom to Sam
The bus from Speed is a more reliable method of transportation than any of my family's cars
''Can you send me back the nude I sent you 4 years ago I need it for thinspiration''
''Do you wanna have this conversation later when you're not so dramatic?''
How does Brynn go to school basically nude everyday and I got sent home for wearing capris once
''The only time my husband should ever cry is if I pinch his balls so hard that he stops breathing''
Who would you rather do - Shrek or Lord Farquaad
There's no worse betrayal than finding out your friends got Panera without you
I'm treated as a circus freak because I have one short thumb
I'll never forget the dogs I met today
Whenever I hear Genie in a Bottle all I can think of is how they played that song at Xtina's prom and everyone walked off the dance floor 😢
Asked my mom if I should donate my eggs for $8000 and she said 'no I will follow those eggs to the end of the earth'
Don't u dare put peanut butter in the fridge
Too bad I can never post my Beyoncé videos from the concert anywhere cause you can hear my dumb ass voice singing louder than hers
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