An erection does not count as personal growth..

I did not say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

A woman's heart is as tender as a man's balls, don't break hers and she won't break yours

My sexual preference is often.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.

Women will never be equal to men until THEY CAN walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

MAN: you are the most funniest and beautiful woman I have ever met ...... WOMAN: you just wanna fuck me ...... MAN: wow and smart too

Kissing is the nicest way that men have devised to silence women

A cold toilet seat sucks, but a warm toilet seat is just scary

A man who`s masturbating with peanutbutter must be fucking nuts....

they should thinking about shutting down twitter for 2 hours a day, so that I can make dinner and take a shower and say hi to my kids

A woman is a marvelous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, gets wet without the rain and sucks without needing power.

Before sex,you help each other get naked,after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story,in life no one helps you once you're fucked.

if you can't get someone out of your head maybe they're supposed to be there

how to piss of men..Tie him to the bed,put on your sexiest lingerie,do a strip-tease for him,then have a long, heart-to-heart talk with him

do you want to play a game? Im gonna sit on your face and you guess what my weight is ....

Surely it's no coincidence that the word "listen" is an anagram of the word "silent".

I am a bit shy, but I would like to sleep with you , you do not need to say yes it is enough if you're fav this tweet ;-P