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  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad

    • 3,278
    • FAVS
    CAKETENDO64Akio_UV_troyjohnsondinogorebluesymoodslahuella_lunayungxjonastdrr_
    • 2,244
    • RETWEETS
    EBailly7Akio_UVughHugsoivboareaalongboanJust_NateeGOINGPOSTAL66mrswysong
    summerofbennytnylgn__UNTRESORGregDorrisseriouslyemilyThisAlexSteinrobfeeSeanBlazed__lvvzzashley_barnhillSamGrittnerAaronFullertondonni
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.

    • 2,523
    • FAVS
    MadHoopzRevParksmarkleggettTom_AVBobinhidingDeLaRoguemurrclurrhurrBula_Matadi
    • 797
    • RETWEETS
    KariSoutherlanddandazmanlaureezydLTABNKittenWritten0ImaryTACOC0RPsxydangerousgrl
    WhatevaConc
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Guess what? I made my own nachos. Did it work out? No. Things don't always work out. Am I ok? Also, no

    • 1,859
    • FAVS
    Edie_Is_DeadorneryalwayspkadasterSDPlissken1moon_pizza_mikeSonyaCraig15MaximusMuchoSpinMyBowtie
    • 679
    • RETWEETS
    orneryalwaysjulianadelillaajadeburgess1VelcroVSlacecheriepjrabberssgailGriffinShamaraNolaChef504
    radiomaruzachreinert03BeeStaplerAngreaMandySlambergjessicacabot
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sorry when u called I was busy holding my phone in my hand and staring at it without blinking

    • 1,628
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonmeganshpettitChrisPedone_redbeltmarileadaMattShineybloodydantasticKaylaAutumn
    • 731
    • RETWEETS
    georgiasmith_xSchipaporefreshingxbeanHappeningTerresacaAltairMargaletConallSharkeyjayphi22
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If u can't take the heat, I'll go ahead and turn it down a little bit. Is that better? Love you so much

    • 1,228
    • FAVS
    theninjagregelliewrsh69writocifiedryanbyrddotnetCopelandNatalyathepaulboothAnnalieseMorrisdrunkwhitebae
    • 470
    • RETWEETS
    ryanbyrddotnetAnnalieseMorristighegurdrunkstufAGremlinStormMikeorelsecolekurkColleenhaha
    radiomarurorynotroy
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Pretend like you're twenty years older and got the option to go back in time and re-live the previous twenty years: go

    • 1,079
    • FAVS
    Burds_1mdob11charliehayes93tylerbennickechkilroyJacquieNicoleashleylynnwayKatieWhoCanRead
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    maryekoenigCharlottecaxmafeddzmoohaighToxicitykimmillbotnieskeThiefree
    rorynotroyshruglorddeeeebag
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"

    • 1,146
    • FAVS
    TheOstinmeganshpettitZriggy5japanesewhsprsconstantlyjoshGusWraySam__Williamsmerrymargaret
    • 432
    • RETWEETS
    NigelVenableYoshuaDavisvirtuoustauemopreteenEmirioSonDoctorMouse3nickyfontanamxcaelarose
    IGotsSmarts
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL

    • 1,059
    • FAVS
    GusWrayTheVictasticKmdob11jinkiescoobradicaljocyawescarmboberekEliHansenMusic
    • 453
    • RETWEETS
    boredbeckyradicaljocyvikster94EliHansenMusicDBwiddaDB2448larryRichEdgeohmydindin
    RowdySailboatrorynotroyGarbageMystic
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm not "rich." Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you're talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still

    • 1,096
    • FAVS
    LMAOTweettsmeganshpettitjucorreadsIvsy01__IzabelleCeeJGeilsLandj_pedsKateWhineHall
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    lilianbuzzettoj_peds_HeyCindy_eborg01VojBombamaniirMajesticJawnfalcon054
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    The good thing about Twitter is that if you have a good personality, there is someone with a better personality who is also funnier than you

    • 975
    • FAVS
    Burds_1time_indefinitemdob11awescarmboberekaKhalifa101Aspersioncastjoshua_starr
    • 491
    • RETWEETS
    time_indefinitesewpertrampl1ll1lllcolbyajohnsongrlsdemsugaralexisannejonesSapirShmapirwizardfeces
    greenteam15lvvzzlanyardigananhonestmess______
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Girl are you my Programs Running because you are Not Responding

    • 877
    • FAVS
    mdob11swoonforknifethe_littletrampLetdownLizziesmeagolsfreerandomtempnameryan_burtLeahRaeder
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    butthaverLetdownLizziejackblast_liftyourlifeTheSchwalGregorPants__MishafedyaninMattPlunkett
    warholearydavidallendos
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant

    • 946
    • FAVS
    harrisonvcmeganshpettitmdob11Francolino_BreeawescarFaithHandy97the_littletrampRukaya_K
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    BillieArnoldnwdiahhtessanmoh_that_rachelalvincleenaomisarah_HellaSamarMiissAbruzzo
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Seabiscuit? More like Landhorse

    • 846
    • FAVS
    harrisonvcmdob11DaSalamonderawescar_mah_usernamethe_littletrampnickbergmeistertommyhannon_93
    • 267
    • RETWEETS
    harrisonvc69shadesoftaarVoteRyanForKingThehodgekidKevinMacNallymal_howMilesOhmfuygieri__
    greenteam15jitkaBeeStaplerMiahSaintSpencerLenox
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food

    • 728
    • FAVS
    SummerPeelemdob11molleculeyawescarDaftPunkandLove_lostcoastlinessadolanscalliewag
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    turkeyboob_kgottsBARF_PARTYwhiteshibeREMOVEYOURPANTSamajoroperationmarianettleregardlss__
    Home_Halfway
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it

    • 675
    • FAVS
    c_gleeshharrisonvcvictorysquatAnemoneOhMaxSleezeSea_monkeeeyturdvolcanomdob11
    • 380
    • RETWEETS
    Burds_1harrisonvcSea_monkeeeyMykeyPerryC_E_CullenNolaChef504SauceyDuhHabbibti
    OhDuarteradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Here's my impression of the person who invented those cardboard sleeve things for drinks: "Ow ow it's too hot"

    • 830
    • FAVS
    VerlierenNickKartsunesslandersonnTheGrace97JordiedickensonkatrinaslyNateZR2restAwhatthefRICK
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    Cadam02rnchdrssngthesunsuxZachary_EatonDHGM_leftyjenkinsFiFiBGCireneBGC
    LostCatDogmareodomoradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I always wear a hair-tie around my wrist just in case I need to have a dark pink line there later

    • 708
    • FAVS
    WomensWorkNYBurds_1josephbuttonsseemsforevermeganshpettitCassoRohanlismorsekathe_kollwitz
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    WhitThayitalianKT88shenaniganssapient_apelaurakgudvangenkellyanewCheeburgasupremegrrrl
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"

    • 662
    • FAVS
    Burds_1Yo_Simmity_SamTheOstinmeganshpettitodysse_usmdob11__ambranicarmstrong
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    __ambraDBwiddaDBdannyrivas85IbyRavatgracejoyvictoryavivapeltinelliepsesLillywillner
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    What's your favorite planet *cuts you off* mine's Jupiter

    • 716
    • FAVS
    mdob11radicaljocyawescaraKhalifa101randomtempnamesaltythetrainNully_lilyincanada
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyfavstar_historytehgrllaaarrrnn__sarahmeineburnettski92trouvainerorynotroy
    duplicitronradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    What u guys doin' 😎 *puts on sunglasses* *they fall off* *I trip and step on them* *I cry for a very long time, but not just about this*

    • 527
    • FAVS
    1thousandthingshannah_boninslash_shipperthepaulboothJackieSchroedzTisBestWithBbloodyblink182mayabrooke
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    SquishyBobbentiatybloodyblink182colekurkColleenhahacvitlinroseLetdownLizziemsg4lyfe
@MaryKoCo

@MaryKoCo

[Likes]: salt, secrets [Dislikes]: headlights, decisions

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