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  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad

    • 3,213
    • FAVS
    awescarA_FerrandinorealbadgerforestnomadsmapdLerkylucasmalford9four9
    • 2,222
    • RETWEETS
    _workbxtchchefjeff228monkeyfish5000Lerkypnrmoonmclint_gigiTMTKatMacpherson1
    summerofbennytnylgnUNTRESORGregDorrisseriouslyemilyThisAlexSteinrobfeeSeanBlazedlvvzzashley_barnhillSamGrittnerAaronFullertondonni
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sorry when u called I was busy holding my phone in my hand and staring at it without blinking

    • 1,626
    • FAVS
    bloodydantasticKaylaAutumnawescarparthvader2LastingLashtonwizdumbtweetsJamesGoodGriefamieaz13
    • 731
    • RETWEETS
    refreshingxbeanHappeningTerresacaAltairMargaletConallSharkeyjayphi22divadeb99DarlingTootles
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Guess what? I made my own nachos. Did it work out? No. Things don't always work out. Am I ok? Also, no

    • 1,526
    • FAVS
    jackroche55awescarwizdumbtweetsamieaz13marissahgudevalluedDarlingTootlesmozzysticks
    • 561
    • RETWEETS
    jillianoblejamasternesdevalluedmozzysticksHypercraxyapocalypsedoe__Jangoramaakayetly
    radiomaruzachreinert03BeeStaplerAngreaMandySlambergjessicacabot
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Pretend like you're twenty years older and got the option to go back in time and re-live the previous twenty years: go

    • 1,077
    • FAVS
    awescarbrittanymaaphilboxallaKhalifa101the_littletrampRukaya_Kdubbilldialxformulder
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    mboberekheartonkindialxformuldersippincrissMazJabberkeelahtequilagenghis_blondeIanSutherland94
    rorynotroyshruglorddeeeebag
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"

    • 1,143
    • FAVS
    merrymargaretciarandowneyvikkarooniscooterchick69Zachary_EatonchristhefurYkylerselbySizzleChest33
    • 429
    • RETWEETS
    emopreteenEmirioSonDoctorMouse3nickyfontanaprinsusmicaelasubh_e_azadijimgroomedidyeayyyye
    IGotsSmarts
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL

    • 1,058
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyawescarmboberekEliHansenMusicDBwiddaDBswimmgood_mediumraresttlhamon
    • 452
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyvikster94EliHansenMusicDBwiddaDB2448larryRichEdgeohmydindinnerdy
    RowdySailboatrorynotroyGarbageMystic
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    The good thing about Twitter is that if you have a good personality, there is someone with a better personality who is also funnier than you

    • 972
    • FAVS
    awescarmboberekaKhalifa101Aspersioncastjoshua_starrmidnitesocJeffisamesscammoon
    • 490
    • RETWEETS
    sewpertrampl1ll1lllcolbyajohnsongrlsdemsugaralexisannejonesIamsapirwizardfeceskmlandy
    greenteam15lvvzzlanyardigananhonestmess______
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm not "rich." Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you're talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still

    • 943
    • FAVS
    awescartaracamilleYoungSeaMammalRenegadeAssManaKhalifa101the_littletrampLetdownLizzieJaciStofferahn
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    TurboHoustonREMOVEYOURPANTSDusty_KnackersLetdownLizziedbm1880mollsharringtonEmmaBarbara1steveyknight
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If u can't take the heat, I'll go ahead and turn it down a little bit. Is that better? Love you so much

    • 923
    • FAVS
    gknight__aKhalifa101Rukaya_KbrendoharesippincrisssmeagolsfreeStevenBarlassgredsbi
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    bassquiattdom_as_hellcornbeeflovertaykell_huensaoalsage36nickwylderThatGuySBruno
    radiomarurorynotroy
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Girl are you my Programs Running because you are Not Responding

    • 876
    • FAVS
    swoonforknifethe_littletrampLetdownLizziesmeagolsfreerandomtempnameryan_burtLeahRaederjewfacekilla
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    butthaverLetdownLizziejackblast_liftyourlifeTheSchwalGregorPantsMishafedyaninMattPlunkett
    warholearydavidallendos
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant

    • 943
    • FAVS
    Francolino_BreeawescarFaithHandy97the_littletrampRukaya_KGaglia_03jameslmariananarod
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    BillieArnoldnwdiahhtessanmoh_that_rachelalvincleenaomisarah_HellaSamarMiissAbruzzo
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Seabiscuit? More like Landhorse

    • 843
    • FAVS
    awescar_mah_usernamethe_littletrampnickbergmeistertommyhannon_93arm_restdiesgallardoKerfuckus
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    69shadesoftaarVoteRyanForKingThehodgekidKevinMacNallymal_howMilesOhmfuygieri__DrCheeseburgers
    greenteam15jitkaBeeStaplerMiahSaintSpencerLenox
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food

    • 727
    • FAVS
    awescarDaftPunkandLove_lostcoastlinessadolanscalliewagvibrotronicadrunkcindyrelladeadfreedom
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    turkeyboob_kgottsBARF_PARTYwhiteshibeREMOVEYOURPANTSamajoroperationmarianettledialxformulder
    Home_Halfway
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it

    • 666
    • FAVS
    KevinBuffaloolerunkbitchNolaChef504HabbibtiBananaDolphinExcelLence11_2muchimfoawescar
    • 377
    • RETWEETS
    NolaChef504SauceyDuhHabbibtiawescar_carolinebauer_LoopofFatelifeoffoodieashminsama
    OhDuarteradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Here's my impression of the person who invented those cardboard sleeve things for drinks: "Ow ow it's too hot"

    • 706
    • FAVS
    merrymargarettheElleParkerBaefootContessajcjo_CrisStaytonbabeIincolnsarahhyde_ciara_stayton
    • 199
    • RETWEETS
    ZeEfBeSquimm_GroupparrottashGreenishDucknerderkNewYorkBelle13fromabrainryawilli
    LostCatDogmareodomoradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    What's your favorite planet *cuts you off* mine's Jupiter

    • 715
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyawescaraKhalifa101randomtempnamesaltythetrainNully_lilyincanadapotat0saladz
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyfavstar_historytehgrllaaarrrnnsarahmeineburnettski92trouvainerorynotroy
    duplicitronradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.

    • 656
    • FAVS
    awescarapopagasmDefUSKJamie383calscutieemoominpantsTheRealBrynPutthenry_darron
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    DougggaAutumnSkye13achr0iWildeThingyregrettumhanaskellingtn__Zach_Vasiohmygod666
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"

    • 583
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyJay__ZimExcelLence11_awescarRukaya_KFunnyBoneClubsmkillyC_Cammarn
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    awescarbillygongLetdownLizzieBuddyAckerjodiecookGI_Jake92TossingTurnipsTashaWalsh08
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Ugh I hate when you get salt in your eye from pouring chips from the bag into your mouth

    • 558
    • FAVS
    awescaronthelukeoutRukaya_Kmkillysmith_courtneWhiteMaleEricPodellGenevieveARoub
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    smith_courtnelaurenbaluyot21Rad_i_Otiscat_eliz11KingAtlas11ACwalters_shayna_mdcloakstorm__
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I just called someone and they ANSWERED...? Desperate much

    • 520
    • FAVS
    awescaronthelukeoutRukaya_KlanyardiganThehodgekidgigglegirlnoelkingoffthebeachBig_Tuck_________
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    KarimePDLLanie_BlackKlimovaDjdavvgyballoon_knottyjewiestAlexMals_holy__diver_
@MaryKoCo

@MaryKoCo
Pro

[Likes]: salt, secrets [Dislikes]: headlights, decisions