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  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad

    • 3,160
    • FAVS
    staggerednoiselily_turquoiseZebaTalk989427swedorianJanoskian_fagsredhalftileFunnybonesk
    • 2,201
    • RETWEETS
    maryamfulApple_roarAccaStfucalumshoranMehreeeeeenEmma__Connellyjillross3dakotacwright
    summerofbennytnylgnUNTRESORGregDorrisseriouslyemilyThisAlexSteinrobfeeSeanBlazedlvvzzashley_barnhillSamGrittnerAaronFullertondonni
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sorry when u called I was busy holding my phone in my hand and staring at it without blinking

    • 1,265
    • FAVS
    KateWarburton_feelthefireredzolofighterthe_littletrampRukaya_KdanielleehermanRukittenmesmmstout
    • 568
    • RETWEETS
    sueeamokhtarpseudo_punjabi_zolofighterWazUrSignRukittenmesmmstoutcastout3391natashawatches
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Guess what? I made my own nachos. Did it work out? No. Things don't always work out. Am I ok? Also, no

    • 1,239
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101Aspersioncastmephisto221jenyb4purch_slaurakatparkerp_netJasonCarney31
    • 440
    • RETWEETS
    horse_mans69shadesoftaarjenyb4laurakatparkerp_netJasonCarney31jasonccarney99LetdownLizzie
    radiomaruzachreinert03BeeStaplerAngreaMandySlambergjessicacabot
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Pretend like you're twenty years older and got the option to go back in time and re-live the previous twenty years: go

    • 1,076
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101the_littletrampRukaya_Kdubbilldialxformulder__rockstarxrileymbobereksippincriss
    • 583
    • RETWEETS
    heartonkindialxformulder__sippincrissMazJabberkeelahtequilagenghis_blondeIanSutherland94oMissCarrieBaby
    rorynotroyshruglorddeeeebag
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"

    • 1,140
    • FAVS
    yungjimjamthe_littletrampThisWouldBeAceGChrisRcarr3GloverTroySandra_Di_marlakphotoBowbrown
    • 429
    • RETWEETS
    nickyfontanamicaeladermodysubh_e_azadijimgroomedidyeayyyyeBowbrownLetdownLizzieChlobco
    IGotsSmarts
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL

    • 1,052
    • FAVS
    tlhamonEstherCWRukaya_KBridget_AlicemouseajoNicoleMonroymichaela1ansuperdp
    • 446
    • RETWEETS
    ohmydindinnerdyYOUR3KnwdiahhPretts_abbigailkristyyItzelVillaxdrnukx
    RowdySailboatrorynotroyGarbageMystic
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    The good thing about Twitter is that if you have a good personality, there is someone with a better personality who is also funnier than you

    • 970
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101Aspersioncastjoshua_starrmidnitesocJeffisamesscammoonjuliarose_adamsLalalitiaa
    • 490
    • RETWEETS
    sewpertrampl1ll1lllcolbyajohnsongrlsdemsugaralexisannejonesIamsapirwizardfeceskmlandy
    greenteam15lvvzzlanyardigananhonestmess______
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm not "rich." Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you're talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still

    • 942
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101the_littletrampLetdownLizzieJaciStofferahndbm1880randomtempnameB_RempB_radKelly
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    Dusty_KnackersLetdownLizziedbm1880mollsharringtonEmmaBarbara1steveyknight1brookelyn_zookscheffs
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If u can't take the heat, I'll go ahead and turn it down a little bit. Is that better? Love you so much

    • 923
    • FAVS
    gknight__aKhalifa101Rukaya_KbrendoharesippincrisssmeagolsfreeStevenBarlassgredsbi
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    bassquiattdom_as_hellcornbeeflovertaykell_huensaoalsage36nickwylderThatGuySBruno
    radiomarurorynotroy
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Girl are you my Programs Running because you are Not Responding

    • 875
    • FAVS
    the_littletrampLetdownLizziesmeagolsfreerandomtempnameryan_burtLeahRaederjewfacekillaFancyShortPants
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    butthaverLetdownLizziejackblast_liftyourlifeTheSchwalGregorPantsMishafedyaninMattPlunkett
    warholearydavidallendos
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant

    • 940
    • FAVS
    FaithHandy97the_littletrampRukaya_KGaglia_03jameslmariananarodASBalbaathecmfc
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    BillieArnoldnwdiahhtessanmoh_that_rachelalvincleenaomisarah_HellaSamarMiissAbruzzo
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Seabiscuit? More like Landhorse

    • 842
    • FAVS
    _mah_usernamethe_littletrampnickbergmeistertommyhannon_93arm_restdiesgallardoKerfuckusVoteRyanForKing
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    69shadesoftaarVoteRyanForKingThehodgekidKevinMacNallymal_howMilesOhmfuygieri__DrCheeseburgers
    greenteam15jitkaBeeStaplerMiahSaintSpencerLenox
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food

    • 726
    • FAVS
    the_littletrampRukaya_Kmkillymaitecaballlerodialxformulder__BLITZBLONDErileyismeMesy_Jesy
    • 370
    • RETWEETS
    amajoroperationmarianettledialxformulder__rumble_xoBLITZBLONDEVansantconume_shebleedswords
    Home_Halfway
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it

    • 658
    • FAVS
    totallytuesdayzayedk88mkillycosminautLetdownLizzieaspIodedCourtneyKBambooHenryNorgrove
    • 375
    • RETWEETS
    _carolinebauer_LoopofFatelifeoffoodieashminsamaanabananyjanefurneauxLetdownLizziejiffy_peanuts
    OhDuarteradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    What's your favorite planet *cuts you off* mine's Jupiter

    • 713
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101randomtempnamesaltythetrainNully_lilyincanadapotat0saladzJellyNinjasOkelloZangi
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    tehgrllaaarrrnnsarahmeineburnettski92trouvainerorynotroyitsngrahamjewfacekilla
    duplicitronradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.

    • 639
    • FAVS
    thankubaseddogllvvzzFossSauceBossmojo_caGoneFictionregrettumRukaya_Kthattreeguy23
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    regrettumhanaskellingtn__Zach_Vasiohmygod666hkahmadhaJekORDYNMark_SpeedyTimmyriad
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Here's my impression of the person who invented those cardboard sleeve things for drinks: "Ow ow it's too hot"

    • 621
    • FAVS
    christianbarbinRukaya_Kbitejoyjadinrachelnc99evilhag2tavoprezzlissy_makar
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    bitecatsbatsnsatanjoyjadinsammantha_gstructuredfartCorCorMacbellunulaInternet_Yam
    LostCatDogmareodomoradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"

    • 581
    • FAVS
    Rukaya_KFunnyBoneClubsmkillyC_CammarnErrenMichaelsjonathemlingben_coomb5GwenllainRose
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    billygongLetdownLizzieBuddyAckerjodiecookGI_Jake92TossingTurnipsTashaWalsh08sarahbennetto
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Ugh I hate when you get salt in your eye from pouring chips from the bag into your mouth

    • 557
    • FAVS
    onthelukeoutRukaya_Kmkillysmith_courtneWhiteMaleEricPodellGenevieveARoubthatAndrewC
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    smith_courtnelaurenbaluyot21Rad_i_Otiscat_eliz11KingAtlas11ACwalters_shayna_mdcloakstorm__
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I just called someone and they ANSWERED...? Desperate much

    • 519
    • FAVS
    onthelukeoutRukaya_KlanyardiganThehodgekidgigglegirlnoelkingoffthebeachBig_Tuck_________laurh
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    KarimePDLLanie_BlackKlimovaDjdavvgyballoon_knottylogoffalexAlexMals_holy__diver_
@MaryKoCo

@MaryKoCo
Pro

[Likes]: salt, secrets [Dislikes]: headlights, decisions