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  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad

    • 3,216
    • FAVS
    maureensoybeana_willhoffluckyswellSqueegeeSinkgreat__white_kennedylryanadamvm123MissFinden
    • 2,222
    • RETWEETS
    katiecreminSuit_ThursdayshewolfofwallstTheWesRadShowgoadriannegoulneagspelsbri_burton137
    summerofbennytnylgnUNTRESORGregDorrisseriouslyemilyThisAlexSteinrobfeeSeanBlazed__lvvzzashley_barnhillSamGrittnerAaronFullertondonni
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sorry when u called I was busy holding my phone in my hand and staring at it without blinking

    • 1,626
    • FAVS
    ChrisPedone_redbeltmarileadaMattShineybloodydantasticKaylaAutumnawescarparthvader2
    • 731
    • RETWEETS
    SchipaporefreshingxbeanHappeningTerresacaAltairMargaletConallSharkeyjayphi22divadeb99
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Guess what? I made my own nachos. Did it work out? No. Things don't always work out. Am I ok? Also, no

    • 1,526
    • FAVS
    _redbeltmarileadajackroche55awescarwizdumbtweetsamieaz13marissahgudevallued
    • 561
    • RETWEETS
    jillianoblejamasternesdevalluedmozzysticksHypercraxyapocalypsedoe__Jangoramaakayetly
    radiomaruzachreinert03BeeStaplerAngreaMandySlambergjessicacabot
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Pretend like you're twenty years older and got the option to go back in time and re-live the previous twenty years: go

    • 1,077
    • FAVS
    charliehayes93postfolkrockchkilroyJacquieNicoleashleylynnwayKatieWhoCanReadnieskebirdiecanfly
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    maryekoenigCharlottecaxmafeddzmoohaighToxicitykimmillbotnieskeThiefree
    rorynotroyshruglorddeeeebag
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"

    • 1,143
    • FAVS
    Sam__Williamsmerrymargaretciarandowneyvikkarooniscooterchick69Zachary_EatonChristhefurYkylerselby
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    virtuoustauemopreteenEmirioSonDoctorMouse3nickyfontanaprinsusmicaelasubh_e_azadijimgroome
    IGotsSmarts
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL

    • 1,058
    • FAVS
    jinkiescoobradicaljocyawescarmboberekEliHansenMusicDBwiddaDBswimmgood_mediumrarest
    • 453
    • RETWEETS
    boredbeckyradicaljocyvikster94EliHansenMusicDBwiddaDB2448larryRichEdgeohmydindin
    RowdySailboatrorynotroyGarbageMystic
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    The good thing about Twitter is that if you have a good personality, there is someone with a better personality who is also funnier than you

    • 972
    • FAVS
    awescarmboberekaKhalifa101Aspersioncastjoshua_starrmidnitesocJeffisamesscammoon
    • 490
    • RETWEETS
    sewpertrampl1ll1lllcolbyajohnsongrlsdemsugaralexisannejonesSapirShmapirwizardfeceskmlandy
    greenteam15lvvzzlanyardigananhonestmess______
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If u can't take the heat, I'll go ahead and turn it down a little bit. Is that better? Love you so much

    • 1,006
    • FAVS
    suckyperson666cee_daddyMACKmsfancydrewgeeneiDStaffordMLoS_O_Padreangoszjpthakidwavy
    • 371
    • RETWEETS
    cee_daddyMACKHighbrowShawn0ccasionallyGONZOSUPREMEjqnotjqdarthtjaderTmackIsWackHeyItsDoolittle
    radiomarurorynotroy
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm not "rich." Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you're talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still

    • 960
    • FAVS
    MightyBloodnosemaureensoybeancrudtown2SHINlil__lambchopulneaBlueEyedVivihollowNaim
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    maureensoybeanDanMCollinsabshawwmkleshockCowlonFullertonkfanThirstySusRandogspels
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Girl are you my Programs Running because you are Not Responding

    • 876
    • FAVS
    swoonforknifethe_littletrampLetdownLizziesmeagolsfreerandomtempnameryan_burtLeahRaederjewfacekilla
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    butthaverLetdownLizziejackblast_liftyourlifeTheSchwalGregorPants__MishafedyaninMattPlunkett
    warholearydavidallendos
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant

    • 943
    • FAVS
    Francolino_BreeawescarFaithHandy97the_littletrampRukaya_KGaglia_03jameslmariananarod
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    BillieArnoldnwdiahhtessanmoh_that_rachelalvincleenaomisarah_HellaSamarMiissAbruzzo
    radiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Seabiscuit? More like Landhorse

    • 844
    • FAVS
    DaSalamonderawescar_mah_usernamethe_littletrampnickbergmeistertommyhannon_93arm_restdiesgallardo
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    69shadesoftaarVoteRyanForKingThehodgekidKevinMacNallymal_howMilesOhmfuygieri__3cheeseburgers
    greenteam15jitkaBeeStaplerMiahSaintSpencerLenox
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food

    • 727
    • FAVS
    molleculeyawescarDaftPunkandLove_lostcoastlinessadolanscalliewagvibrotronicadrunkcindyrella
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    turkeyboob_kgottsBARF_PARTYwhiteshibeREMOVEYOURPANTSamajoroperationmarianettleregardlss
    Home_Halfway
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it

    • 667
    • FAVS
    gofenbaKevinBuffaloolerunkbitchNolaChef504HabbibtiBananaDolphinExcelLence11_2muchimfo
    • 377
    • RETWEETS
    C_E_CullenNolaChef504SauceyDuhHabbibtiawescar_carolinebauer_LoopofFatelifeoffoodie
    OhDuarteradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Here's my impression of the person who invented those cardboard sleeve things for drinks: "Ow ow it's too hot"

    • 730
    • FAVS
    juicelikerSeelvaAllahverdkat_masonnrorynotroyWhyofCorsoKevinLempkeulneamarinhubka
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    WhyofCorsoalicetarapuzakulicsangelphishZeEfBeSquimm_GroupparrottashGreenishDuck
    LostCatDogmareodomoradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"

    • 656
    • FAVS
    __ambranicarmstrongDBwiddaDBCyd10eenochulatednathanloganetainy7broabprobe
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    __ambraDBwiddaDBdannyrivas85IbyRavatgracejoyvictoryaviva_peltinelliepsesLillywillner
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    What's your favorite planet *cuts you off* mine's Jupiter

    • 715
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyawescaraKhalifa101randomtempnamesaltythetrainNully_lilyincanadapotat0saladz
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyfavstar_historytehgrllaaarrrnnsarahmeineburnettski92trouvainerorynotroy
    duplicitronradiomaru
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    clineil_rorynotroyChandiggitymostefanitelyMissObduratefeministfataIeHannahhYoungg14succubusslut
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    jqnotjqsuccubusslutdanieljayzjemappelliegspelsDougggaAutumnSkye13achr0i
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    Ugh I hate when you get salt in your eye from pouring chips from the bag into your mouth

    • 558
    • FAVS
    awescaronthelukeoutRukaya_Kmkillysmith_courtneWhiteMaleEricPodellGenevieveARoub
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    smith_courtnelaurenbaluyot21Rad_i_Otiscat_eliz11KingAtlas11ACwalters_shayna_mdcloakstorm__
  • MaryKoCo
      Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo

    I just called someone and they ANSWERED...? Desperate much

    • 520
    • FAVS
    SarahMilla48awescaronthelukeoutRukaya_KlanyardiganThehodgekidgigglegirlnoelkingoffthebeach
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    KarimePDLLanie_BlackKlimovaDjdavvgyballoon_knottyvery_hugeAlexMals_holy__diver_
@MaryKoCo

@MaryKoCo
Pro

[Likes]: salt, secrets [Dislikes]: headlights, decisions