@ifellasleep We would dominate trivia. We could bring @graydrum and @innuendoworks too

If you don't have something nice to say, come sit with me. We'll probably get along.

PhD in Beyonceology #PostGradIdeas

"@chelseavperetti: I feel that I use abbreviations and emojis ironically but maybe I've earnestly become what I hate. Have a great week!"

#phlegm @innuendoworks

This dude's screen name on To Catch a Predator is "canirapeyouanally." He also has a mullet.

"@thispaul: Probs is def my fave abreev" @shesayounghouse

The N*Sync "It's Gonna Be May" joke was just lost on @jennidekoker because she didn't listen to "secular music" as a child.

It's gotten to the point where Josh ignores my texts about puppies for adoption/free kittens, but I'm not giving up. #persistence #needapet

Boyfriend: "I like Rand Paul." Me: "Oh... I prefer @rupaul."

How come other girls look cute in denim jackets but i look like a lumberjack in one?

"@rupaul: Dont have 2B a boy to be a Drag Queen RT @kittykatmeow16: I wish I wasn't a girl so I could be a queen" @callmeatc hear that?!

Frat bros at El Rincon chanting "We want food! We want food!" #GTFO

Taco'clock y'all

One Day Without Shoes = One Day With Athlete's Foot #nothankyou

new hairs!  http://instagram.com/p/Xbe0K2A14d/ 

Door spraypainted with the words "Keep out or get shot." #Mississippi

I thought subtweet meant "tweet below another tweet" until about 5 minutes ago... #GrandmaProblems #ImActuallyInMy20s

Just bought my cap & gown #what #stopit

"@gayathomedad: McDonald's Fish McBites = Hell McNo." @saaldrich @michaelethomas