felt bad at the time, but now I stand by the "if you love me, make tea" statements I've made this week.

@jwpencilandpad you must be the worst to play Ker-Plunk with

‘It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else’ - Daniel Franzese

a JLO greatest hits album? YES PLEASE

People need to stop asking me where I buy my coloured contacts.

TOMS have partnered with Focus on the Family. If bad aid didn't stop you from buying them, maybe their support of hate groups will.

Posted outside shawarma place by my work. #avengers #kwawesome http://t.co/2NaEQR7E

2 AM | Dorianne Laux - When I came with you that first time on the floor of your office, the dirty carpet... http://t.co/IlkgkBHN

@eezemaitis http://t.co/8gfY8Kqa

Nearly bled on someone while they were transferring me. Karmically sound as they were usurping my autonomy

After that last surprise nosebleed my shirt makes me look like Dexter

''What was that?'' ''MMA! Mixed-martial arts. It's new.'' ''No, that's dirty boxing and it's been around forever, nice try.''

I hope my seven AM blood sample tells them I'm sleepy as fuck and in no mood for such shenanigans

Beepy guy next to me just refused his pain meds. Quit your shit, no one likes a show off

Sitting around, waiting for surgery. This hospital gown is flattering. #Breezy

that awkward moment you have an angry crush on someone

FUCK ESSAYS.

I will not buy today's teefury. I won't. I won't. but @eezemaitis might.

FUCK YEAH RAIN #WLUOWEEK

Ugh @ people who dont have shit ready for my immediate use