@massive_rally's (Massive Rally) most faved Tweets...
"Do you want to catch a Harry Potter manatee this afternoon?"
It's such a huge let down when the typo sounds like a whole lot more fun.
It's such a huge let down when the typo sounds like a whole lot more fun.
I just read that David Foster's first wife was named B.J. Cook. Pretty much sums up the job description.
Atkins. That's why I can't have rice things.
I do, however, have bacon grease oozing out of every orifice.
Fellas?
I do, however, have bacon grease oozing out of every orifice.
Fellas?
Everything stinks today. Googled enhanced sense of smell: either pregnancy, schizophrenia, or head trauma. Well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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Meeting my 66 y.o. and 89 y.o. workout partners at the gym. I am SO going to kick their asses. Just feeling unusually young and fit today.
15
OH: "So, are you back on the pill?" "No, but he's always outta the church before the choir starts singing."
13
Pizza is to face as (a) moth is to flame, (b) diet is to pipe dream, (c) mirror is to “Does this make my butt look fat?”
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Oh, nothing much. Spent Civic Holiday *civilly* smacking the holy living shit out of my boyfriend’s balls. Also: Played some tennis.
10
Chugging a protein shake and putting the *I want to die* back in diet. Crying should commence in about 36 hrs. Related: Is Zoloft fattening?
9
Do they put the make-you-stronger kind of steroids in Mom and Grandma’s arthritis medication? I’m asking for my self-esteem.
8
Atkins Day 4 and I'm three pounds less gunty and/or hydrated. Diet pills are good for you, right? I'm asking for my myocardial infarction.
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Anyone know a good ingrown toenail remedy/magic spell/narcotic that'll kick in before my 6:30 tennis lesson? I'm not ruling out amputation.
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