.@garfield July 4, 1776 was a Monday

*has sex* nice

It's Adam & Eve, not Siskel and Ebert

ya girl let me see dat azz. mmm... damn girl. that's where poops come out of but I still find it attractive in a way that's sexual

I dream of someday finding a company's powerpoint presentation that reminds their social media team to ignore @fart, @dogboner, @arr etc.

@mobute Turn in your sweet ass hat and scepter. You're off the force, Benny

Jay Leno steps down into his garage, eyes wide with anticipation. Which classic car is he gonna fuck tonight

The name's Bond. LL Cool Bond

Fuck @itsrealted

twerks so softly that all baby's fall asleep world wide

pentagon expects to spend $20 billion over the next 10 years to find the clitoris

If you don't love me at my wurst you can't have me at my brats

0h SHIT hologram Ronald Reagan at #Coachella. He creatin' jobs and making America Great Again. Praise be to Lord Reagon, King of Kings Forev

@grifteezy twitter dot com slash grifteezy. i live for this.

4:20 - white smoke pours out of the vatican. No new pope, just a bunch of chill cardinal bro's smokeing Js, pumpin Sublime

@dril i hhrow dildoes at my phone every time i read one of your disgusting vile blogs

@grifteezy 69th... haha yes (the joke here being that 69 is also the reciprocal oral sex number lol)

@dril for everyone of these clowns i will pray to Mehen the snake-god to engross and protect youre muscles

Petsmart is cool because it is a "mart" for "pets" but what it also is it is a "store"

my bike is ok but it has a sticky note saying how we must secure the future for white children. WTF???? #TEDxToronto