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  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Taco trucks are weird. They're like "hey, what's up man, come eat some greasy Mexican food from the back of my van" and we're just like "OK"

    • 1,013
    • FAVS
    gitmo_beachwhiskey_teacupAllieAKitschyDeestacibonbonthatdutchpersonlilanimaluvr11BetsyInGold
    • 562
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacupflordevida_Strawberry__JothatdutchpersonTFMartin2011Tess_SaysBooty_sweattYousmell_nice69
    reddishunicornChrisTrauma
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City are there buildings do they have cars sorry I'm so dumb is that why you left me I miss you

    • 806
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupAllieAflatsirkelSimenMathisenerinshinathe_cubanitaGRINGOmeTACOYesThatAmy
    • 562
    • RETWEETS
    flordevida_bbriannaMYLESsthatdutchpersonXochitle_Mariefuck_new_jerseyLilRedRideMeGudskinnycamilleQuickTempa
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    yes mother it's a prestigious online community with scores of gifted and revolutionary writers you wouldn't understand

    • 858
    • FAVS
    OrthoTDSticeJettBisqueopenchakraxYungTacoayerennjessiegoldmoonR2_F2Danesthetised
    • 413
    • RETWEETS
    OrthoTDSticechloeisabitchayerennfingerbangsTaylorJDewMichelleMosseyRyanAndrewMitchKali_Mura
    jaffryanGavinProbablylvvzzadamthislifecazzawndruhthe_kizzle
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Knock knock. Whos there? Orange. Orange who? Orange u glad I didnt say a sex offender ha now that the mood's lighter I'm Jon, a sex offender

    • 785
    • FAVS
    MmmYeahNoRowdyBergerAllieASilly_KissersTess_Saysjarred_gunnsarahxo8AngieMarisol
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    AKid_NamedDubbyMadiNicoleDavisjarred_gunnSethwalkbmxTuffMarleyYaoKingofRockRukittenmehanti_x
    101RaceythenamesmikeGCurranOnTheCobJasonLastnameJakeInRealLifeTimmmSmith______pjlynch
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    "This is your brain." *shows a brain* "This is your brain on drugs." *shows a way more popular brain*

    • 780
    • FAVS
    MmmYeahNoRowdyBergerAllieAmondraconlila_baumannTess_Saysnickwilliammoonzuzzette17
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    MasonwilsonnZacheryChrismanzuzzette17Yousmell_nice69YaoKingofRockThis_is_no_onekaylinrosaliatuckonthis
    ChazballparkOBiiieeee
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from

    • 643
    • FAVS
    lucidchemistrywhiskey_teacupRowdyBergerAllieATess_Saysbadassicornnico_de_gallovajeny
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    lucidchemistryNevil1950nico_de_gallovajenytor_92_vJosesLovesYouCourtilingusjaffryan
    jake_likes_napshobo_handsSCbchbumgoodballszgbetty
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    One night stand? I have FOUR night stands. All hand crafted out of oak! Wait. WHAT IS THIS SEX YOU SPEAK OF? Oh that does sound better.

    • 609
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupRowdyBergerMadiNicoleDavisTess_SaysbhutchisonnbasedtiffAngieMarisolYaoKingofRock
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    Chris_Walker30Yousmell_nice69elyzabethx_YaoKingofRocktor_92_v101RaceyWilljGeorgeChurch_Of_Jabb
    thejessbessJaySusHChristjake_likes_napsUglyPrick________BrandonDePaolo
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.

    • 488
    • FAVS
    MmmYeahNowhiskey_teacupAllieAMadiNicoleDavisTess_Sayssumm3rd4wntaylorxxreneeYaoKingofRock
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacupfavstar_historymevsthehighwayYousmell_nice69YaoKingofRockjoker1649tor_92_valwi85
    Arroia101Racey
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Hey I don't mean to be weird but here's a corn husk doll I made for you. It's not of you, just of some stranger I saw. Anyways, I love you.

    • 534
    • FAVS
    AllieATess_SaysChloacaYaoKingofRocktor_92_vJosesLovesYoubeccafacexocanniballan
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyMrNdMrsMendozaaYaoKingofRockOphiesbest________tynando1Legen_dary13pieinstomachjnrbtsn
    BigMedwardsduplicitron
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Are female salamanders called salawomanders and am I really legally allowed to vote?

    • 443
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupTess_Saysmevsthehighwaysarahxo8YaoKingofRocktor_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballan
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacup_RageRageRage_I0vegoodYaoKingofRocktor_92_vkDuncanGjaffryanmolmiller________
    lazy_joe_
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Like a good neighbor, State Farm and I have no relationship.

    • 451
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupTess_SaysZeroDecorumhotforamishMarkBeharWetzelGeekSCbchbumthesoniakshu
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    notsleeepingtuckonthise_skalator_92_vNecropedophile3Cane53____________JeffElickericacanrant______
    MountainDouche____
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Jerry: "How about we call it Jerry & Ben?"
    Ben: "No, I have a better idea."

    • 358
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupTess_Sayse_skalaPortRoostertor_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballanCheapBadHabits
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacupe_skalator_92_ve_yac11jaffryanmisbahchowdhurynoonesfirstTrumbelievable
    Jeff_Kura
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Washed my hair in the sink today and now I think homeless people are just being dramatic about things.

    • 414
    • FAVS
    Tess_SaysKourtneySkylesmadeline_420YaoKingofRockHysteriaBarbietor_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballan
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    brittanyyktYaoKingofRocktor_92_vtrumpthechumpBitterBeerFace9haley_yellowericacanrant______shayLavalois
    TheFearBoners____shatty48
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    *intercom comes on* "Would the owner of a white Jetta with headlight eyelashes please report to the front desk so u can be shot in the face"

    • 390
    • FAVS
    AllieAMidMoLesbianalexishalzfaddiemaucettYaoKingofRocktor_92_vJosesLovesYouanniebelllz
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    _RageRageRage_RachelBenedettiDreamsYouCursedYaoKingofRockRed__Rover101Raceykharoonnkaty_lynn
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Ugh hate when it's raining out and you had planned your whole day to be full of arson :(

    • 386
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupChris_Walker30jarred_gunnYaoKingofRocktor_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballanBrennaHampshire
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    _RageRageRage_awkwrddjarred_gunnholyoctopussWhatevMichelleYaoKingofRockDerekRalston89breatheandlove
    AllTheUglyTruthcatlikethiefx0____ChemBtwnUs________lazerdoov
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    "Yeah we should hang out soon." - me setting someone up for disappointment

    • 333
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupRowdyBergere_skalator_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballankDuncanGTheDairylandDon
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    e_skalator_92_vsasshley_MzunderstoodmelNecropedophile3Rcraioveanwhereskgrayemireecraire
    leslid79__________
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I INVITED A GIRL OVER TO WATCH A MOVIE AND WHEN I TRIED TO KISS HER SHE WAS LIKE "NO LETS WATCH THE MOVIE" HAHA IM SO GOOD AT PICKING MOVIES

    • 309
    • FAVS
    whiskey_teacupAllieAtheshelbfishlila_baumannallikae16lisanguyennnnjobloomquistJessicayylmao
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    _hayleesmithultralordeeYaoKingofRockSalma_ElbarbaryMariam_AWalltheamyMyNameIsLarraVladimirJuanYeo
    rutesperanza
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I'm so glad ur on a date with me. You're so pretty. What kind of movies do u like? Wait, that's boring. I'm nervous. Have u ever done coke?

    • 302
    • FAVS
    AllieAe_skalator_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballannoonesfirstMrsJekyllsHydeVikeeysSecret
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    tor_92_vcandace_9871MeerkatMannersslappinbuttsWyanRilsonamarie_pricedjsnoopy21kait516
    ArtConDee
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    yeah that's cool kay jewelers but what does every sex begin with

    • 310
    • FAVS
    alyssa_ydgNotKorinaMaealexishalzmeowitscattgracedollfaceeBlakeAkanaChungYaoKingofRockBig_Tuck_
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    alyssa_ydggracedollfaceeayyredheadultralordeeYaoKingofRocke_skalaPortRoostertor_92_v
    u_jellicentthehubrist
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Go to the gym. Ask a random dude if he lifts weights. Before he can answer scream I LIFT WEIGHTS. Pound 6 Muscle Milks. Bark uncontrollably.

    • 272
    • FAVS
    KoldMorningKrowwhiskey_teacupRowdyBergerAllieAStupidSophia_zombieparrotditchkellytor_92_v
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacupGinGandertor_92_vBrewskerJust_some_girl2Calliejacobson____Luchi_DiluchiFavstar250
    tor_92_vahhhpatrick______hurlarious
@mattelgato

@mattelgato

Awkward dancer.