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  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Taco trucks are weird. They're like "hey, what's up man, come eat some greasy Mexican food from the back of my van" and we're just like "OK"

    • 1,161
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22TonyzTigercougarawLuzAngelicaHCbrocketxyzEthanMitchellNinja_Soup_sonofdickson
    • 634
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhTonyzTigerargonautleaderBlackCatBettieBudLife12ozHitGirl516thoughtgasmsWesley53Taylor
    alizmayreddishunicornChrisTrauma
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    yes mother it's a prestigious online community with scores of gifted and revolutionary writers you wouldn't understand

    • 984
    • FAVS
    miserymozzeryWhoopdeedoo22nickbachanmrjameskimbellkatsuyakyokojennchasesmeOptimisticDoomBad_check70
    • 480
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhBad_check703aminthemornChrsssythatdutchpersonPapercutFilesMiky_Ongparupaaj
    jaffryanGavinProbablylvvzzadamthislifecazzawndruhthe_kizzle
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City are there buildings do they have cars sorry I'm so dumb is that why you left me I miss you

    • 814
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22PaperWashshegotagronkcassandralatelyAmericannHonney__ImJESSPlayinShockTartBionictheclubwhereRU
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhgirlslovehummusheynikkipearlImJESSPlayinlargebaconpizzaflordevida_bbriannaMYLESsthatdutchperson
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Knock knock. Whos there? Orange. Orange who? Orange u glad I didnt say a sex offender ha now that the mood's lighter I'm Jon, a sex offender

    • 804
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22PaperWashlizelarsenJJzenboysToxsicAries_iacta_est_smapdpsyzod
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhmeeg2012kimjongliz_psyzodParentpainsCodex_inkheynikkipearlrubenvasquez247
    101RaceythenamesmikeGCurranOnTheCobJasonLastnameJakeInRealLifeTimmmSmith________pjlynch
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    "This is your brain." *shows a brain* "This is your brain on drugs." *shows a way more popular brain*

    • 798
    • FAVS
    kennedylryanCueSanitymdob11PaperWashfiremanphilflizelarsenasexualamoebaMartinSmallz
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhfavstar_historyGothVampyrePureDoeCalebh3donotcurseatmeLibbyMidasclaire_mudie
    ChazballparkOBiiieeee
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from

    • 654
    • FAVS
    at_ihYaBoyKlinkamber_marie140LepriConnjam_aq5haelgoogleymoogleyTheEarthIsFlat1
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
    96bhh2KSwiZZ6cideeonelucidchemistryNevil1950nico_de_gallovajenytor_92_v
    jake_likes_napshobo_handsSCbchbumgoodballszgbetty
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    One night stand? I have FOUR night stands. All hand crafted out of oak! Wait. WHAT IS THIS SEX YOU SPEAK OF? Oh that does sound better.

    • 625
    • FAVS
    Cordillydallycrocsluvr69JSLauderdalecalluptomeBryceKillingtonwindbutthaley_middleready_SETTE_CO
    • 283
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhfuckitsdarkSirBruggeJSLauderdaleMaxwellJ_PaperWashChris_Walker30Yousmell_nice69
    thejessbessJaySusHChristjake_likes_napsUglyPrick________BrandonDePaolo
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.

    • 491
    • FAVS
    kennedylryancassandralatelyShockTartBionicMmmYeahNowhiskey_teacupsundressedMadiNicoleDavis__Tess_Says
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhwhiskey_teacupfavstar_historymevsthehighwayYousmell_nice69Yaokingofrockjoker1649tor_92_v
    Arroia101Racey
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Hey I don't mean to be weird but here's a corn husk doll I made for you. It's not of you, just of some stranger I saw. Anyways, I love you.

    • 537
    • FAVS
    cassandralatelyGlennmandirectImJESSPlayinsundressedTess_SaysthisoldacctYaokingofrocktor_92_v
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhImJESSPlayinfavstar_historyfuckkenkylaax3YaokingofrockOphiesbest________tynando1Legen_dary13
    BigMedwardsduplicitron
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    "Yeah we should hang out soon." - me setting someone up for disappointment

    • 446
    • FAVS
    CindzDeeSandra_Di_danielleneoconjimmienellmGalilaAlJifriwildblondebombGiraffeAttack14SeanD1111
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    96bhheccentricgavCindzDeepretty_gravesfavstar_historyCueSanityMzzMmChellemarisssa_ovo
    leslid79__________
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Are female salamanders called salawomanders and am I really legally allowed to vote?

    • 449
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22kennedylryanmdob11wheresthesnacksshegotagronkcassandralatelywhiskey_teacupTess_Says
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhfavstar_historywhiskey_teacup_RageRageRage_radicaIbarakatYaokingofrocktor_92_vkDuncanG
    lazy_joe_
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    *intercom comes on* "Would the owner of a white Jetta with headlight eyelashes please report to the front desk so u can be shot in the face"

    • 461
    • FAVS
    ISOremarkableBLomand1NicFive5laurengladneyXOshetweetsthings__essentiallyseanaysia_valdezemma_steinman
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhjhenscheid1moststonededasquith1994K3NNY5summerobviouslyTimmyPumpkinPsydewayz
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Like a good neighbor, State Farm and I have no relationship.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22mdob11cassandralatelyHisenburgmrs_diggityLazloGustoImJESSPlayinwhiskey_teacup
    • 151
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhImJESSPlayinnotsleeepingtuckonthispowerfulshampootor_92_vJooryZoghby______Cane53____________
    MountainDouche____
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Jerry: "How about we call it Jerry & Ben?"
    Ben: "No, I have a better idea."

    • 361
    • FAVS
    kennedylryanParentpainsshegotagronkwhiskey_teacupTess_SayspowerfulshampooPortRooster__tor_92_v
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhwhiskey_teacuppowerfulshampootor_92_ve_yac11jaffryanmisbahchowdhurynoonesfirst
    Jeff_Kura
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Washed my hair in the sink today and now I think homeless people are just being dramatic about things.

    • 416
    • FAVS
    GottaBewisershegotagronkTess_SaysKourtneySkylesmadeline_oct20YaokingofrockHysteriaBarbietor_92_v
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhParentpainsbrittanyyktYaokingofrocktor_92_vtrumpthechumpBitterBeerFace9haley_yellow
    TheFearBoners____shatty48
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    Ugh hate when it's raining out and you had planned your whole day to be full of arson :(

    • 389
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22twntysvnkennedylryanwhiskey_teacupChris_Walker30jarred_gunnYaokingofrocktor_92_v
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    96bhh_RageRageRage_awkwrddjarred_gunnholyoctopussWhatevMichelleYaokingofrockDerekRalston89
    AllTheUglyTruthcatlikethiefx0____ChemBtwnUs________lazerdoov
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I INVITED A GIRL OVER TO WATCH A MOVIE AND WHEN I TRIED TO KISS HER SHE WAS LIKE "NO LETS WATCH THE MOVIE" HAHA IM SO GOOD AT PICKING MOVIES

    • 312
    • FAVS
    mdob11RubberGlueFUndvbbssimply0liJulieSnarkImJESSPlayinwhiskey_teacupsundressed
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhsimply0liImJESSPlayin_hayleesmithtrashlordeYaokingofrockSalmaelbarbary_Mariam_AW
    rutesperanza
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    I'm so glad ur on a date with me. You're so pretty. What kind of movies do u like? Wait, that's boring. I'm nervous. Have u ever done coke?

    • 305
    • FAVS
    CueSanitymdob11cassandralatelysundressedpowerfulshampootor_92_vJosesLovesYoucanniballan
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhtor_92_vcandace_9871MeerkatMannersslappinbutts______WyanRilsonamarie_pricedjsnoopy21
    ArtConDee
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    How'd I meet my wife? I commented "Stunning" on all of her Instagram pictures

    • 328
    • FAVS
    lilychadwick4Ming_yo23TylerDianabex_sheardWatchMyScotchheatherwwillsDoug_Caputoriley_fox
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    AnnaTarbet123OohKillem_22OfficialRobbieRHTHAGREATsyediramandsspagheti_rosetiRyanBarr7plainbrad
  • mattelgato
      Matt @mattelgato

    yeah that's cool kay jewelers but what does every sex begin with

    • 311
    • FAVS
    kennedylryanalyssa_ydgNotKorinaMaealexishalzmeowitscattgracedollfaceeBlakeAkanaChungYaokingofrock
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhalyssa_ydggracedollfaceeayyredheadtrashlordeYaokingofrockpowerfulshampooPortRooster__
    u_jellicentthehubrist
@mattelgato

@mattelgato
Pro

We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other.