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Having some serious remorse about eating all those hot dogs. And drinking all that beer. And stabbing all those clowns.
It takes a twisted man to work on a movie for 15 years, have it come out as well as Avatar, and then decide to use Papyrus for the subtitles
my tetris skills have been handy while unpacking in my new place, but it kind of sucks when i complete a row and my sofa disappears
Lady at the tux shop refused to measure my inseam. You better believe I'd be complaining to her manager if she actually worked there.
The great thing about being MIss Universe is that the universe is always expanding. So, it becomes a more prestigious title every day.
How come LinkedIn asks you to endorse someone's claimed skills, but doesn't let you refute them?
I've got the strangest urge to hear Jerry Seinfeld say: "What's the deal with vuvuzelas?"
drinking beer is like riding a bicycle... you never forget how, but they stil won't let you do it on the highway. bastards.
51% of my life: managing open tabs in Chrome. 49% other stuff.
"look, I've listened to customers, and all they want is faster whores." - drunk henry ford
I hope in the new Arrested Development season they do that thing where they say things that also sound like they could have another meaning.
Just ate an apple, so if you're a doctor and you approach me in the next 24 hours, I get to stab you.
If mobsters are part of the mob, then what are lobsters up to?