Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Boy Scout orgy but without counselors.
The IRS is auditing my daughter's Tea-Ball team. :(
FINALLY WATCHED "A WOMAN UNDER THE INFLUENCE!!"
"Your mother has herpes on her lip, not herbies."
"I love my momss!" - black guy with two moms
Poo crusts & pee drops on the toilet lid because I'm three.
Had to fake happiness at the wife for making me two Subway sandwiches for work tonight, so as not to make her cry or ruin her life.
Small things come in big packages. (my underwear)
There's a strange, gross satisfaction when wiping the itch off your butthole.
Swim goggles filled with tears so your eyes are the only wet part of your body.
Unfollow me if you must, but Home Alone is fake as shit.
Why wouldn't they just wait till the kid went to the park or some shit, then go inside & lock the door. I bet he doesn't have a key.
Can't think of a better way to end the weekend than watching God Damn Home Alone with my kid.
That's the last time I let my 5 year-old color me brown then take her to the park on Cinco De Mayo. :(
Potential black person. @MissyerThanYou husband/pimp http://matthewdill.tumblr.com/