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I HAVE TO TEXT MY SISTER IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF IN ONE EAR.
That awkward moment when your tweet count passes your follower count... and you only have 19 tweets.
You know ur addicted to twitter when u look at a girl and instead of thinking "I bet she could fuck" u think "I bet that bitch could tweet"
Even IF I could lick my own balls... I'd still want you to do it for me.
~Me, Sweet talking my girl.
Ive starfucked a couple girls on here... I prefer masturbating to their avi's though... I guess that's why my ex called me selfish?
My secretary said she was overworked, under appreciated and under paid!
I told her she should try putting out.
Not a good idea, apparently.
Pro Tip for Men: At your wedding, don't feed that bitch the cake! It's got some 'anti sex' type ingredients!
You're welcome!
Is it a good thing.. Or a bad thing when you can't get it up, while watching gay midget porn?
It's simple, you follow me and I starfuck the SHIT OUT of you. (unless you're not into anal)
When people say "I come in peace" that means you better shoot them quick.
While riding the city bus, I often masturbate to a recording of Oprah saying "and you get a car and you get a car and you get a car"
Fucking typos!! Not sure if I had any... just thought it would be fun to tweet.
It would suck, if your last name was "Long" and your dick was short. How pissed would every girl be?
I'm at the bar with a hot chick, aka on my couch watching sleepless in Seattle with a box of Kleenex, alone, all ALONE!
My Girl: Tell, something cute..
Me: I never flush after I take a shit.
My Girl: Oh for fuck sakes!
Don't get me wrong, I love Oprah but let's face it! Her retirement was about 25 years late!
The best part about having a man crush on Brett Favre is... Knowing that, no matter how hard he pounds me, it couldn't hurt to bad.
This is only my 3rd day on twitter but I learned quick, if you mention the word "star" in a tweet... Someone is bound to star it.
I hate when. people, tweet with improper, grammer? also.... i think my underwaer are on backwards
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