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When she complained about the sex, I reminded her that brevity is the soul of wit.
Apparently she doesn't think sex should be witty.
Favrd is the new American Idol. But with lots of little dick jokes instead of Seacrest.
Sarah Palin just called. She's pretty sure I am qualified to chair the Fed. After all, I can see a bank from my house.
Is there a special prize for the 1,000th person to suggest "Bi-Curious George" for #failedchildrensbooktitles ?
The city budget for playground equipment got cut. This is why we can't have nice swings.
Steve Jobs MacWorld product announcement: iDiet "I've been personally beta-testing it for a year now, and I'm excited to share it with you."
CNN: "Twitter's stock dropped 80% after some self-absorbed douche announced that he is leaving and taking his loyal followers with him."
My mom: I don't care for Mrs. Obama and that fisting she does. Me: Er, that's fist-BUMPING. Mom: What's the difference? Me: um...[awkward!]
Breaking News: Allen Iverson announces he is gay, and Meredith Baxter is going to play for the 76ers. #readingTwittertoofast
I refuse to pay for a ringtone of a song I already have on my iPhone. This is why we can't have nice rings.
I bet Maureen Dowd is just jealous that nobody wears her writing on a T-shirt.
Product idea: Micro-Twitter, for you ADHD kids who think Tweets are too long. Limited to 14 characters.
As I look back on 2008, I'm reminded of Prince Akeem's famous words in 'Coming to America': 'Yes, America! Fuck you, too!!
Microsoft is so slow it's nine years behind releasing its Y2K bug. http://tinyurl.com/ay3558
Saw two goats at the wharf tonight. Given the weather, I think I'll start building my ark tomorrow.
I know kung fu.
