Does anyone have a hot glue gun I can borrow? Or a regular glue gun with an awesome personality?

FACT: Over 100 million cats each year go completely un-Instagrammed.

I really showed that Rubik's Cube who's unemployed.

I don't know who this Rorschach guy is, but he sure likes drawing pictures of my parents not being proud of me!

I just want to be famous enough to crowd-surf to the post office.

“I’m not gay or anything.”-homophobic antimatter

So apparently there is no TLC song called "Don't Go, Jason Waterfalls."

NEW YORKERS: where is your #1 favorite place to eat dinner alone and think about karen

Have a great day, Mom! And thanks for letting it slide each time I'd come home after midnight covered in blood. ;)

My favorite sex position is the Sturdy Sanchez. It's where you base a long-lasting marriage on love & respect, then you shit on their chest.

Regardless of who wins on Election Day, Mitt Romney better lose.

Anyone wanna get drunk and unfollow our dads?

Before Facebook, you had to "like" things with your feelings.

"Out of my way, Old Timer!!!"-me, after buying a new timer

Every time you order buffalo wings for an angel, an angel gets its wings.

"You homeless fucks like canned shit?" - Food Drives

Every guy at this Days Inn looks like he knows exactly how he'd murder his wife.

"What do we want?" "WATCHES!!!" "When do we want 'em?" "???"

At the risk of sounding uninformed, what's "bread"?

The 80's called. They have our son.