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Emma Stone looks like she is 20 percent of the way through a transformation from person to snake.
If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats.
Hurry, if you are about to be killed by savages, tell them you have the power to mostly block out the sun.
I don’t treat one daughter worse because I love her less, I treat the other daughter better because I’m scared of her more.
True Blood Season 10: “You’re a leprechaun? But my dad was a Chucky and my mom was a Shrek! What'll we tell the council of Franken-Hobbits?”
Simpsons writers watching @pattonoswalt's Parks & Rec Star Wars filibuster pic.twitter.com/t45II0J1Dt
Top Secret Image! Deleted scene from tonight's Simpsons with @noreservations @mariobatali & @gordonramsay01 http://t.co/5vcEA9Om
An uplifting story for @dannyzuker and anyone who's been told "I don't watch TV": http://tinyurl.com/truetale
When they put salt on caramel I said nothing. When they put chile in chocolate I said nothing. So when they put curry in ice cream I said OK
If I were The New York Times Magazine’s “The Ethicist,” my answer to every question would be, “Did anyone see you do it?”
“Remember ladies, no matter how cute he is, if his penis is ice cold – he an incubus!” from “He’s Just Not That Into You & He’s an Incubus”
Mad Men is a great show but you don't want to go outside and pretend swordfight for an hour like you do after watching Game of Thrones.
The most successful and least successful people I know share the same trait: never, ever thinking they’re wrong.
Is there anything we, as a nation, can do to get Kevin Smith to stop calling movies, "flicks"?
As a rule, spec material is rarely produced, but if Prince sends me his Simpsons script, I will put it on television - verbatim.
Remember, Men in Black³ (MIB³) ≠ Men in Black (MIB) × Men in Black II (MIIB) – that would be MIB(MIIB). MIB³ = MIB × MIB × MIB.
Matt Selman is an Executive Producer of The Simpsons.
