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  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Gift @matttuff Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,373
    • LIKES
    reppocskatta_IoIkattArtificialDerby__TingySGem7799Bull_HockeyednitionShagasaurus
    • 422
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    AnastaxiaDominaTingySNoSpankYouCtotheASSShagasaurusCraigChamberlinTower_Trampgirlontapas
    CelebrityChezKim_pulsivekatdenkelleyeah8________noogXTopherGuarinoCarolEdieIslander_DI______malefactorial__FrecklessLittleHarmonicaezeddalyrachiecandicehunnisbones132_bpmMsCarlissimaHairyJew4LifeCoy0teUgly________OverlandParker
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Grandma's been planking on the basement floor since last night.

    • 476
    • LIKES
    Maggieharris5Bull_HockeyHeltonKGoinsAlliMadrigal__winjaYaokingofrockCpin425_oclock_shadow__
    • 597
    • RETWEETS
    fadingreyYaokingofrockMrSavage9DarkVenatorRag3Ryan__________Alyssa_Jolie__Emily5656sokyshipn
    yzupp
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner.

    • 793
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    SarahWithAJeepLandon8426Natalie_malCraigChamberlinAlongCameAnjaAnAbsurdBirdfuzzlimeHeltonKGoins
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
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    MountainDouche____GuiltlessNickhmmdoiknowyouCoatCzechmugkipHairyJew4Lifeyzupp
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Other than Superman and the homeless has anyone used a phone booth in the last 10 years?

    • 554
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    HeltonKGoinskacierettewniiicolethomaYaokingofrockCpin42ICountBeanssKaylaKFoster5_oclock_shadow__
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    • RETWEETS
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    meat_tornado_SendTulips________
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.

    • 423
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    brittany_beltzHeltonKGoinskhansen85apodixisKileyPetroTiiarraGbbzmbozalinaNotJoshDavis
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRobBurns__lovephoebecatesKouklamichelle__svvallowChristianFitz20Zbo4USawblade21BadaBammBen
    sweet_toofCaseyMcCollumMolly_Kats
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    My repressed memory foam pillow keeps me up at night with it's crying

    • 487
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    HeltonKGoinswhereswonderboyYaokingofrockICountBeanssKaylaKFoster5_oclock_shadow__spotswojtnylgn__
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    • RETWEETS
    triptothepeakLe_RaaayRaaay__KaybeebbYaokingofrockMichabeanAmeiamMonkey732flacelle
    letsgetgizzychopper4jk
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    In bed wondering:
    1) Could the Millenium Falcon survive a photon missle
    2) How does Chewbacca clean his ass
    3) What does a kiss feel like

    • 442
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    HeltonKGoinsitsAaliyahJadeZachAlosaurusAlliMadrigal_YaokingofrockCpin42twitsandgiggledKaylaKFoster
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    lilanimaluvr11meeeeeeeepotalibosioYaokingofrocksokyshipnLancashiremanrachiecandiceSharpeBytes
    adamalldaydirtymemphis
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    At the gym this guy across from me is waving, flexing, winking and making kissy faces at me. I'm going to go...uh...nevermind it's a mirror

    • 474
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    Maggieharris5HeltonKGoinsCpin42KaylaKFostersokyshipnGreeblehausspotswojtnylgn__
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    KaylaKFosterMonkey732iluv2bugzJenniferLSmithC__The_SculptressCuddleboobies____Reality_Bytes1adamtrossgolf
    ToneLoafStephenBCramer__
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    I just spent the last 45 minutes watching grandma try to open a door I drew on the wall.

    • 410
    • LIKES
    NirXLHeltonKGoinsshelbyflora__OhhDonnnna__EmilyDowninggggraciemarshall0_desstinny_AlliMadrigal_
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    Chad_VictoryholyoctopusstabithavarnamLe_RaaayRaaay___winjafadingreyYaokingofrockKaylaKFoster
    iTweetMedicated__FingDuck
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    If you have a mullet, walk with a limp, hold your pants up with a rope and live under a bridge then you're my dad and I miss you, come home.

    • 420
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    ednitionCraigChamberlinfuzzlimeHeltonKGoinsraeannensworthGlamourous__JessieCogganAWGaines
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    SkunkFarts
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Bologna tastes GREAT, when you're 5 and your mother left you home alone for 2 weeks while she went on a cruise with her alcoholic boyfriend

    • 422
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    HeltonKGoinssierramarkk__MalloryAdams_Glamourous__kcepkhAWGainesWhos_LondynYaokingofrock
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    sierramarkk__sydneyperezdoemeeeeeeeepoYaokingofrockKaylaKFostersokyshipnCanAzn73___________LUMP
    shasuga___________CodyDavisletsdancebitchs
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Grandma's been out back for the last couple days digging a hole and I feel like shit telling her what it's for.

    • 378
    • LIKES
    NirXLHeltonKGoinsbonahguylandsnivelledbrittttxnyscAlliMadrigal_YaokingofrockCpin42
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    • RETWEETS
    holyoctopuss_winjaYaokingofrocksokyshipnARobustLoofahhijackedjackCpez38mustkickox
    lazerdoovKyle_LippertToneLoafWittBanterUNTRESORCroweJam
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Late at night I go around and fill all the potholes with confetti, just so the morning commuters have something to smile at.

    • 381
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    HeltonKGoinsallie_mustache_winjaYaokingofrockCpin42sokyshipnGreeblehaustnylgn__
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    Neutrontrilogymscesariokgander
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    When I yawn I worry that deaf people think I'm laughing at them.

    • 315
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    HeltonKGoinsYaokingofrock5_oclock_shadow__sokyshipnGreeblehaustnylgn__robyn_voAmeiam
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    mustkickoxnazmraziareshecarolinemcwIdStandOnThatRawanSolimanAlyaNassarrenl13
    girl_eats_worldTweeetmebad
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Virgins, Best to Worst:
    1)Islands
    2)Records
    3)Olive Oil
    4)The 40 Year Old
    5)'Like a...'
    6)Suicides
    7)Mobile
    8)Me

    • 344
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    HeltonKGoinsliza_christiesnivelledDepressionRUspickleprince420AlliMadrigal_Yaokingofrock5_oclock_shadow__
    • 51
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    HairyJew4LifeClosestThingwheatnik__
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    There's nothing better than sitting in my Star Wars bean bag eating cinnamon toast while watching morning cartoons, oh, and dying alone.

    • 343
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    HeltonKGoinssnivelledwhereswonderboyAWGainesYaokingofrocksokyshipnGreeblehaustnylgn__
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    snivelledlindsey_carricoLe_RaaayRaaay__fadingreyYaokingofrocksokyshipnSharpeBytesMonkey732
    kisslikeaknife____Missing_A
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    I got 99 goblins but an orc ate one.

    • 308
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    HeltonKGoinsGreeblehaustnylgn__Michabeanrobyn_voEew_itsJessTw0PennethUptonnoblestu
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    Cpez38BillSleazyprimawesome
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    Tomorrow is another day; well maybe not for my grandma.

    • 348
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    HeltonKGoinstwitsandgiggled5_oclock_shadow__sokyshipntnylgn__MilkshakeAnyone__robyn_voobi_ian_kenobi
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    sokyshipnARobustLoofahReeseButCallMeVFierceMessJenniferLSmithC__practicetheoryThe_SculptressJelenaTrojanska
    vagstarSendTulips________
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    I wonder if a light bulb went off in Thomas Edison's head when he thought of the invention for the light bulb.

    • 320
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    HeltonKGoinssnivelledGlamourous__MaddieEvanzYaokingofrockMilkshakeAnyone__tnylgn__robyn_vo
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    LindsayGoodrdgemeeeeeeeepoLe_RaaayRaaay__YaokingofrockAmeiamre156am__________ShaetanDarkoExcuseMyTweets
    gotmyhairdidIdStandOnThat
  • matttuff
      matt tuff @matttuff

    If I had two children named Twitter & Favstar, I'd find it hard NOT to pay more attention to Favstar, I'd also question if Twitter was mine.

    • 329
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    HeltonKGoinssokyshipntnylgn__MilkshakeAnyone__robyn_voobi_ian_kenobiAndie_LVTheFearBoners____
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    Andie_LVExcuseMyTweetsC_Rockkktrialfemmemytweecwetlife_____VaginasaurusHerPinkRibbonskennyhcomedy
    PeaceAddictionIslander_DI______NoSpankYou
@matttuff

@matttuff

This is all make believe like Bernoulli and his stupid principle.

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