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After retiring as a clown my father picked up taxidermy and now sells stuffed balloon animals in the park.
Chores around the house are more fun when you do them backwards. I just threw my clothes on the floor and stacked my dishes in the sink.
Grandma confused the voting booth as a changing room and now I'm worried they won't accept her ballot.
Ozzy Osbourne's Re-recorded Hits:
"Diary of an Old Man"
"Flying High Again(on heart medication)"
"Over the Hill"
"Low Iron Man"
My grandma must really love the fall because she's been in the front yard lying face first in a pile of leaves for 5 days straight.
I'm saving money this fall by getting grandma the flu shot and having her sneeze in my mouth.
Bringing grandma to the park has been depressing since she no longer catches frisbees in her mouth like she used to.
The best thing about this fancy well designed iPhone 6 Plus is that nobody will notice the hernia belt I'm wearing.
Nobody questions me about my grandma lying around in public as long as I place a yoga mat under her.
Woke up in a tub of kidney beans.
Tape dispensers but for pancakes.
My grandma's just like Hansel and Gretel except instead of bread crumbs she leaves a trail of dead skin to find her way home.
It's cute how all my stuffed animals act like they don't know what I'm saying.
This is all make believe like Bernoulli and his stupid principle.