Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Today I bought a bunch of items from the 50 cent bin at a yard sale including an old VCR, a Batman piggy bank, and a 2009 PT Cruiser.
I'm surprised we don't need to take off our shoes when we enter a Whole Foods.
Grandma's sense of direction is so horrible that she now needs a GPS for the house.
I'm hungry but not an egg salad sandwich from a strip club hungry.
Showers get in the way of my cookie addiction.
I got my first real shoestring
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Tied it 'til my fingers bled
It was the summer of '89
The best part about public swimming pools are all the free chewable band-aids.
I almost made a mistake and got out of bed today.
Is it really a nap if you haven't left your bed all day?
The good thing about grandma being diagnosed with Alzheimer's is that it's my birthday every day.
Everyone please be quiet Game of Thrones has started.
Pro tip for telemarketers: Do not call me tonight during Game of Thrones. I've cut people for less.
Whenever I can't find my belt I just do what my grandma does and tuck my breasts into my pants.
Angry ventriloquists love messing with auctioneers.
Growing up my mother would save money by collecting floating band-aids from the public pool and reusing them on us, her clumsy children.
4 out of 5 dentists think you'll outlive Mick Jagger.
Why on earth do we not have pillow hats yet?
This is all make believe like Bernoulli and his stupid principle.