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My mom found out that I was smoking the weed and she told me to "pack my bags" LOL it's called a bowl mom and it's already packed
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
Twitter isn't about followers you guys it's about retreating so deeply into your web persona that you alienate everyone who ever loved you
Girl did it hurt when you fell from heaven? No, cool. Then let's talk about who's going to pay for my fucking roof
I've got to say this John Wilkes Photo Booth takes amazing Headshots
Tyler the Creator changes his name to Tyler the Job Creator and is instantly #2 in the republican polls until they realize that he is black
Do you guys want me to do a psychic trick for you? Think of something,think really hard don't tell me what it is.Ok Ready? I Fucking Hate it
I just met you/And this is Swayze/But there's a corner/It's not for Baby
What idiot called them funerals instead of Tragic:The Gathering
#SignsSheWantsTheD she did the bare minimum required to pass but her paper lacked creativity and original ideas
If you see a bunch of gay lions in a field do not yell "Oh look a gay pride meeting" because they won't laugh & will seriously eat you
If you don't have empathy then discretion is a good alternative
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I'm pursuing you online and from my couch
Twitter is not for changing people, it's for using comedy to make girls slightly out of your league fall in love with you.
Ladies call me the Music Industry because I peaked in the 90's , can't handle change and want to harass you on the Internet
Ladies call me the Joe Paterno statue because I'm in bad taste,I weigh 1000's of pounds and have been forcibly removed from a college campus
Girl are you my credit card bill because when you're 90 days late I stop answering the phone
Petition to rename the Inescapable prison that is the Friendzone as "Palcatraz"
I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy