@edgarwright It was actually both. The car in question was a Jeep Grand Cherokee.

@eahanks My fish were really insulted by your 'don't have personalities' comment! But they forgot about it 30 seconds later...

I assumed this actual picture of a Google co-founder had to be a screenshot of a @nickkroll character. pic.twitter.com/HOp3jXCcyA

@wbrasington After reading your retort, I would like to state that you are a lovely, lovely man and I want you on my side in all things.

I'm definitely the funniest person in my yoga class.

Final Draft would like to replace "non-threatening" with "mouth-watering." I think I'd rather read whatever script my computer wants to type

Thank you IMDb for alerting me that Dakota Fanning is now 18 and that I am both an old man and supremely creepy.

Walking out of my house this morning I ran into a neighbor i didn't know. He's a Vassar alum who is also named Max. #weird #imnotspecial

@thatswright How was The World Famous Oki Dog?

@jessicacabot We have much to discuss.... bottom line: She's doing well and I'll have her call you. Her eyes seemed to cry out "Jessica..."

@robdelaney You sir are an American hero. Thank you for expressing my anger and then doing the most American thing possible: litigating.

@jessicacabot With the abolition of Don't Ask Don't Tell, I feel I can now admit that I've been dating hot sliced beef for many months now.

@morgancline Just so you're aware, Nilbog is goblin spelled backward. #Themoreyouknow.

Why do I always seem to think that stomach issues will be solved by eating more?

So I guess my twitter feed now solely exists to make me sad I'm not at comic-con.

@jessicacabot Call me. I know a guy.

@kellyoxford I believe it's referred to as 'gilding the titty.'

WHY DO I CONTINUE TO READ THE COMMENTS SECTION ON POLITICAL BLOGS?!? It's like I am secretly yearning to waste my time and hate humanity.

Someone is playing noir style jazz while rain patters down outside. I feel like I should be wearing a fedora and tweeting on a typewriter.

There's an '87 White Bronco for sale on the street for $8500. I think the seller is overestimating the retarded oil-baron OJ fan contingent.