Folk is just country for liberals

Failure of the day: unable to ask two beautiful women in Starbucks to briefly move so I can plug my laptop in.

In times square. Just photobombed some girl’s caricature drawing

well Romney got a lot of twitter followers out of it

ok so i have a great idea for a movie. its the future, but because of over population, phone numbers are 8 digits now

New idea: dessert chicken

That's a zombie  https://vine.co/v/bxOhzhBiqYl 

Roommate moved out early and took all the forks. Spoon time.

periodic reminder that a terrific story is being written over at the mysterious @tweeterrater. catch up here:  http://tweeterrater.tumblr.com 

u see 2 insects in ur kitchen, u bite ons head off and send the other home to tell of what it saw here

It would be more fun if evolution was like way faster

I think this level of angry birds is impossible. It can't be can it? I'd have heard about that. I read the news.

I used to used to read articles and now I used to only read the headlines and now I only read the URLs

not every article needs to end with a pseudo profound callback

After I house sit you’ll notice all the cheese is gone. Don’t be alarmed, this is normal and to be expected.

Are there even black jeans that aren’t spotted with cream cheese?

On mad men the actors don’t smoke real cigarettes but on hannibal they eat real humans

Is there a safe way to drink water while lying flat on your back? I don’t want to sit up because I like the way my stomach digest feels rn

OK so I opened too many tabs

It’s hard to find the perfect number of rappers to follow on here